Touch the Horizon
by Light of the Firefly
Summary: She found herself standing on the rooftop frequently. If for no other reason but to reminisce. She knew he was gone, but it was hard to understand the concept.
1. A Prelude

**Touch the Horizon**

**-Prelude-**

* * *

The snow drifted down lazily from the sky.

It fell heavily, blanketing everything in white.

It was the big, fluffy kind of snowflakes that fell almost in slow motion. Their silent decent making everything seem peaceful and serene.

Things were anything but.

Nanao watched the snow build slowly. It was so quiet. How long had she been standing here? It was up to her ankles already.

There wasn't even so much of a breeze to stir the flakes, as they fell straight all around her.

She caught sight of red, standing out starkly against the pale skin of her arms and jerked her gaze away quickly. She bit her trembling lower lip, blinking the sudden moister out of her vision. The storm had quickly covered the red smear that had been on the ground at her feet. She still knew it was there, no matter how much white was piled over it.

God, there had been so much _blood_…

Her violet eyes lifted to the sky, getting a tunneling view as the snow fell around her, landing on her face in tiny specks of cold. Several small drops of water covered the lens of her glasses, but the thought didn't even cross her mind to wipe them off.

It didn't matter. Nothing really did, when she thought about it. Not now. Not today.

She heard light footsteps approaching, but ignored them. She knew by the feel of him it was Captain Ukitake. She couldn't greet him properly, but really, there was no need to be formal between them right now. Silently, she willed him to just turn and leave. Leave her be, leave her alone. He wasn't the captain she wanted to see. She hoped he would just go. Nanao didn't want to be rude to him, but she couldn't talk about this, not now.

Maybe not ever.

He stopped next to her regardless, and didn't say anything to her at all. Silence reigned between them.

She turned her face to him, lifting her eyes to trace his profile. She waited for him to acknowledge her or say something, but…he wasn't even looking at her. He just came to stand next to her, staring blankly ahead. So still.

The snow fell around his gentle features, and he blended well with the scene. His white hair against the white covered backdrop. The thing out of place, however, was the red rimmed eyes, the slight puffiness around them.

She looked away then, not needing to see him to know what he was going through.

They continued in silence, for hours it seemed. No one else came, and they were left to deal with this.

"So careless…" he whispered suddenly, his voice sounding hoarse. He blinked a few times, before turning to meet her sad gaze with his own.

"It wasn't your fault," she answered, just as quietly.

Again the quiet stretched between them. They kept their eyes locked, both understanding the other in their despair.

"I should have been there," Nanao was surprised to hear her voice this time, as she never meant to say anything. She was angry at her captain. Furious, really. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to come back with the rest.

"No one could have changed his mind about leaving you here," he stated, his voice sounding so wrong to her ears.

Nanao turned her eyes away from his dark gaze then, not wanting to see his face when the tears fell from her cheeks. She had never cried in anyone else's presense that she could ever remember. She thought maybe she should be embarrassed, but at the moment it didn't seem to matter.

"He loved you, you know," Captain Ukitake said, as if it was the most obvious thing. "He truly did."

The tears came hard then, running hot paths down her cheeks, and her chest hurt from repressing the sobs that threatened to escape. She swiped a hand across her cheeks absently, and smiled a bitter, cheated smile.

_I know_, she thought. And that's what made this so much worse.


	2. A Series of Change

**Touch the Horizon**

**-Chapter one: A Series of Change-**

**By: Light of the Firefly**

* * *

**30 Years Later**

Ise Nanao jolted awake, instantly jumping from her bed as if it were on fire.

Panting, she stood next to it in the dark of her rooms, eyes wide with terror, a cold sweat covering her body, her sleeping attire clinging. She kept gasping for breath, staring at her trembling hands, half surprised that they were clean.

She had expected them to be covered in blood.

She fisted them angrily, closing her eyes and resisted the violent urge to hit something. She stood quietly for several moments, coaxing her heart rate back to normal in the dark stillness.

She took a deep breath, filling her lungs and then let it out slowly. Then opened her eyes again.

It was quiet and dim in her bedroom. She tried to make her mind understand that this was real, not the churning turmoil of her nightmare.

That dream always did this to her.

No matter how many years passed, it never softened the blow her memories drug out.

It was the same every time.

Frustrated, she walked to the window and shoved it open. For several moments, she simply breathed in the cool air and took in the scene below of the 8th Division Barracks, her vision never landing on anything particular. The chill of the night air caressing her and caused goose bumps. She didn't mind, it helped ground her to reality even more.

Leaning heavily against the windowsill, she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes.

It's been thirty years.

When, she wondered despairingly, would his ghost quit haunting her dreams?

* * *

"Captain Abarai," Nanao greeted formally, as the man entered the offices. She winced at the pang in her chest. She tried not to be reminded of her former captain every morning at the offices. When the redhead entered she always caught herself feeling a quick stab of surprise, she was always expecting someone else.

Maybe she always would.

"Mornin Ise," he mumbled groggily, letting out a loud yawn and went straight for the hot cup of tea waiting at his desk at the other side of the office. He was always half asleep for the first several hours in the mornings, but she had grown used to it. She had gotten into the habit of pouring him a cup and having it ready for him. Having caffeine waiting helped wake him a bit, but not by much.

"What's on the agenda?" He asked, flopping down into his chair and shuffling through the neat stack of paperwork in front of him.

"We got a batch of new recruits starting today. They all need tested and placed accordingly," she said, her voice sounded automatic, but it was mostly expected she figured. She wasn't the warm greeting type. She was the cold, emotionless lieutenant he had been strapped with, after all.

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. He took a sip of the tea, and read over the document he was holding. She watched him silently for a moment, before turning back to her own work in front of her.

Renji had settled into his new seat with surprising ease. He had been promoted to fill the gap in ranks, as there were several at the time to fill. The choice had been a surprise, but it was necessary. Division 8 had needed a captain, and he had the credentials. It had made sense, and she had adjusted.

Nanao dipped her brush into the inkwell, her neat, perfect strokes gliding across the paper smoothly. She had more down time now than before, as _this_ captain pitched in frequently. Although the paperwork wasn't his strong suit, he did his share with little complaint. His previous captain had at least instilled that habit into him.

"I can perform the testing myself, if you have other pressing matters, Captain." She still choked on the word 'Captain', although not from lack of respect.

At first, she didn't know what to do with herself, when the office duties would be completed much earlier than what she was used to. He tried to be fair, splitting the work 50/50. So, she usually found herself doing pointless tasks around the compound, just to keep busy. She often visited the training rooms, watching and assisting when needed. It was something she enjoyed, getting to know the strengths of her division. The members would eagerly welcome her when she went; her advice on kido was priceless to them. She had gotten to know everyone much better since then, as they had gotten to know her much better as well. She was always the firm, quiet sidekick before. She had slid into a much different role over the past thirty years. She was still firm and quiet, but her more active role in the division made her stand out more. She was constantly thanked, the younger members looking at her with such appreciation. It was a task she found purpose in; teaching. Helping them kept her busy, which was what she desperately needed. And general conversation, even though it never strayed from the professional talk. Just feeling like she was important to someone meant a lot to her, knowing that they were excited when she attended the trainings.

Little did they realize how much it helped her as well. She found herself among the trainings several times a week these days; it became something she looked forward to. Before, however, it was something she had rarely found time for.

"Sure, sure," Renji waved a hand, nonchalantly. "Whatever you prefer. I have a meeting later on, then a trip to the real world. I'll be back later tonight."

Nanao glanced over at him; his personality was still something she was getting the hang of. Thirty years working in the same office, and she still felt uncomfortable around this man. They were strangers to one another, simply put. They only spoke when it was work-related. Even then, he would just agree with whatever she suggested. He was new to the seat, but she knew that wasn't it. It wasn't a lack of confidence in his position. It was his confidence in her, as his lieutenant. He knew, as did every other soul, what a hard worker she was. She was a master of these offices, and a true officer to the division. He trusted her when she made suggestions.

She was glad for it, but a part of her wanted him to resist. To make it hard on her, to question her logic and doubt her. It wasn't that she wanted to feel like she had to prove herself, or for any stupid reason so petty.

It was so she didn't feel the acceptance at his captaincy take hold of her. And it already had settled in, really. He was surprisingly easy to accept. And it made her wither a little more when she realized that.

Renji Abarai was taking _his_ place. Not in her heart or mind, of course, but in this division.

He was loud and brash, which had taken the whole Division time to adjust to. Their previous captain having been so soft spoken and laid back. Most of the division shared those traits, among many others. It was a hard change to get accustomed to, but there was little choice. There were some who resisted the change, who resisted Renji as their new leader. But his straightforward attitude eventually won out on those members, too.

The changes were slow, but it had all happened before Nanao's eyes.

It was little things at first, like the decline of partying. They still did, and quite boisterously, but not every night. The previous captain tended to be behind the planning of those. He was also the life of such get togethers, turning the atmosphere into a cheerful and humorous time. Without his presence, it felt like a hole was missing out of the crowd. All the members felt it, and they tended to turn into sorrowful drunks. After several failed attempts to capture the essence without him, the parties slacked off.

After that, the members also took up a more vigorous attitude towards combat training. It was common knowledge that the squads tended to try to mold to their captains, and the 8th was no different. Captain Abarai thrived in combat, it was his personal joy. And it was slowly rubbing off on the members, which wasn't a bad thing.

It was just…different.

They were no cowards before, but they had shared the ideals of the previous captain. If you don't have to fight, then don't. If it is unavoidable, do it and do it well.

With the new captain, they were more excited over the prospect of the challenge of a fight. He also loved sparring, and that was his own way of bonding with the division.

He was the first to volunteer for outings, either to the real world or the Rukongai to deal with whatever threats were presenting themselves. Time and time again, he had intervened and saved a life amongst the 8th.

And so, little by little, the Division gravitated towards him as well. Nanao hated to admit, but he had earned the respect of many of them. Not that he didn't deserve to, but it still hurt a bit. It almost felt like a betrayal, like she was the only one left feeling the loss down to her core.

But of course, that wasn't true.

Several members had approached her over the years with similar feelings. Not just her own squad, but friends of _his_ among the other 12.

She knew he was missed, she knew he wasn't forgotten.

But she felt like she was moving on, when she vehemently didn't want to. She was falling into a pattern with a new captain, falling into a new role, going about her daily life with her shoulders squared and her back straight. She was the picture of strength, the epitome of acceptance. She was looked up to by her division, and thought highly of by her colleagues. She carried out her job with the same finesse as always, performed her duties with the same skill and ease as before.

But Ise Nanao was heartbroken. Their relationship was never anything beyond platonic, but she had quit lying to herself years ago about her feelings for him. He had been her best friend, always at her side. Whether she had wanted him there or not, he stayed firmly planted next to her. She felt so lonely she wondered how she could still survive when something so vital was missing. She felt animated by some higher power, as if her own will had dwindled and died right along with him.

Died.

It was hard to think of that word, but she couldn't dance around it either.

He was gone. It had been many years now.

She still caught herself expecting to see him when she glanced at the old, worn couch in the office, draped across it in an array of color. But Captain Abarai didn't nap in the office. The couch remained empty, no matter how many times she looked at it.

She found herself expecting him to be nagging her when it was close to lunch time, with his stupid antics to get her to take a break. But Captain Abarai didn't care one way or the other, he left her to her own devises and he expected the same out of her in return. More days than usual, she went without eating lunch. It was unnoticed mostly, because her appetite still hasn't returned.

She realized she was unable to think properly in the silence of the office. She expected the background noise of his chatter, humming, whistling, or snoring. All those years of constant distraction had made it impossible for her to concentrate in a quiet environment, Captain Abarai came in, did his work, and left with as little conversation aimed at her as possible. Easy conversation wasn't there between them, and besides, it took all his focus to properly work. And to her, the quiet was still deafening.

She still expected to be woken up in the late hours of the night to either a drunk or sober man on her doorstep, depending on his mood. But Captain Abarai was nothing but formally polite with her, as she was to him. Her rooms remained empty, lacking the warm presence she wished back so much.

She caught herself staring off into the orchards when the sakura were in full bloom, waiting to catch a glimpse of him lounging in the grass, propped against one of the trees with his hat pulled down to shade his eyes. But Captain Abarai didn't waste his time doing such things, and the orchards themselves remained bare.

She found herself standing on the rooftop frequently, if for no other reason but to reminisce. She knew he was gone, but she still was having trouble understanding the concept. All these years, and she kept expecting to wake up and find him around.

He was dead. The Winter War claimed his life, along with many others. She wasn't the only one mourning a loss from that last, final day. But she certainly wasn't comforted by the idea, either.

She _missed_ him.

With everything she had, she missed him. It pulled her apart sometimes, the need to just hear his voice. She wished she had one more moment with him. Just one, just so she could tell him everything she had been too cowardly to say before.

"Ise?"

Nanao blinked, surprised to find her new Captain in front of her desk, staring at her with a quirked brow.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" She blushed at having been off in another world yet again by him. It happened frequently, and she wondered if he thought she was flighty. He certainly never commented either way when she was startled out of whatever zone she went into. Their relationship took on a strange style, both respecting the other but never attempting to move past anything other than a formal stance. Renji had his own close group of friends, and although he was never impolite, he never showed any interest in getting to know her.

Nanao was equally to blame, she was often awkward with people in general. Captain Kyoraku had honestly been her only friend. As she wasn't into socializing, her personal life was rather empty these days. She and her new captain were a strange mix, anyway. They revolved on a 'don't get personal with me, and do your job' attitude. It worked for them, she supposed. It was what her new captain was used to from the 6th Division, so she doubted he ever questioned their relationship. She likewise knew that no matter how they interacted, he was not _him_, and therefore couldn't break her out of her shell in any way. She was thankful he didn't try.

"I said, I'm headed to the meeting. All the forms are in the outbox," he said, gesturing to the pile of completed work.

"Thank you, sir," she acknowledged.

"Anything else you need before I go?" He asked, a slight look passing his features. She thought it almost resembled concern, but she sorely hoped it wasn't. "I'll be gone all day after this."

"No, no," she assured him. "Nothing that can't wait. Be safe."

"Phhh." He waved. "What do I have to worry about in the real world?"

She smiled a little at his over confidence. It was a trait that he strongly wore.

"Regardless, always stay alert, sir," she said, noting that she sounded mothering even to her own ears. Renji was young, and with his attitude he was a danger to himself in her eyes. He didn't think much, just dove headlong into any battle, and she couldn't help but to offer bits like that.

"You too, Ise!" He chuckled to himself, and left the offices. He went to the real world frequently, mostly she suspected to visit with his friends over there. Rarely was it work related.

She let out a sigh when he was gone, the air dissipating of his always tense aura. He put her in mind of a coiled snake, always ready to snap at the drop of a hat. Although she had never seen these talked about flares of his temper, she had heard enough about them.

Again, it wasn't that she didn't like him.

He was just…different. Fresh and straightforward and so sure of himself you could see it a mile away.

She finished off her round of work as well over the next hour, stacking them neatly in their proper places, and rising from her chair.

With a stretch, she glanced out the window. It was fall already. The green of the world was slowly fading to the browns and oranges of the season. The air was cool, much more at night. It would be snowing soon.

Avoiding all thoughts related to winter, she quickly gathered her things and headed out the office. The new recruits needed testing, and she was looking forward to the distraction.

* * *

"She's bland," Renji grumbled. He walked at a brisk pace, heading towards the gates. The white of his robes fluttered in the breeze behind him. The short shinigami at his side snorted in response.

"Maybe you're too boring for her to waste her time with," Rukia jibed, earning a glare from him. "She's classy, maybe you're too uninteresting to her!"

"Hey! Are you kidding me? You've met her!" He fired back angrily. Rukia just rolled her eyes.

"I have. She's a quiet type," She offered honestly. She had to admit she didn't know much about Ise Nanao either. She was polite, efficient. Word was an absolute genius as well. A kido master. That's about as far as her knowledge of the other woman went. That's probably as far as anyone's knowledge of that woman went.

"Yeah, well I feel like I traded in one stiff for another," he grumbled, and she jabbed him with her elbow for the reference to her brother. "Ow, damnit!"

"Stop whining," she said, earning a dirty look. "You need to consider how much change she has had to go through since you took over the 8th. Don't be so inconsiderate."

"I'm not inconsiderate!" He argued hotly. "She has never once seemed bothered by me; she doesn't seem bothered by anything. She is always calm and collected. I don't think she is ever worked up or worried over anything! Emotionless, bland, and cold."

"Maybe you don't know her well enough to assume that, you jerk," she suggested. He glanced down at her frowning face. "I'm disappointed in you, really. She certainly doesn't deserve your judgment."

He was quiet for a moment. Rukia let the silence fill the space, knowing he was considering her words.

"I don't know her at all, honestly." Even over the last thirty years, Renji hasn't learned much of anything about her. He has never even seen her z_anpakutō_, which surprised him when he thought about it. Most Captains and Lieutenants sparred with one another to get a feel for their fighting styles, to ultimately be more coordinated during the battles. He wanted to smack himself for never suggesting it. "When I get back…maybe I'll try a little harder."

"You should, considering you have to work together, obviously." Rukia said.

"You make it like this whole thing is my fault. She doesn't act like she wants to get to know me either,." he grumbled.

"It probably is a mutual thing," she said, thinking on it. They really had horribly clashing personalities. Although it never prevented Ise Nanao and her previous captain from forming such a close bond. "Maybe she misses Captain Kyoraku, you know? She isn't the type to fall apart under stress, but she is probably quietly dealing with that still."

"Yeah, maybe," he shrugged, as they reached the gate. It really did bother him that they hadn't formed any bond what so ever. She was his lieutenant, for god's sake. They should try to get along, they should have a different level of bond than what they did currently. Especially after all this time. He remembers well how he felt when he first became Lieutenant of the 6th with his own cold, aloof Captain. He felt out of place, always. He never felt like they had fit together right. He felt looked down on and pushed away.

Renji didn't want her feeling like that, he had in fact decided when they made him a captain to do things better than Captain Kuchiki had with him. He wanted his subordinates to respect him because they _knew_ him, not because of what they heard or simply because of his title.

"Tomorrow, I'll try to get her to work with me on the field at least. Maybe a spar together would help break the ice."

"Couldn't hurt to try," Rukia agreed. "I'm surprised you haven't suggested it yet."

"Hey, shut up! I just thought of it!"

"Come on, you goof," she said, sighing at his tone. "Let's get going."

* * *

**AN: **Just to be clear, this is NOT a Renji/Nanao fic. That's just a weird combo anyhow. I know it looks that way, but it's not, I promise.

Anyhow, please review. I need thoughts on how it's looking so far!


	3. Souring the Strain

**Touch the Horizon**

**-Chapter Two: Souring The Strain-**

**By: Light of the Firefly**

* * *

Nanao glanced up as the office doors slid open, and the young captain walked in. His bright red strands pulled messily back into a ponytail, sticking out in several directions, his clothing looking more disheveled than usual. Nanao's eyebrow quirked up at his sloppy appearance, but said nothing about it to him.

"Good morning, Captain," she greeted as per norm.

"Ise," he grumbled, in his own usual early morning mood swing. "I woke up a little late today. Sorry."

She glanced at the clock, surprised to see that he was in fact late. Three hours, _three _whole entire hours. She hadn't even noticed. Her eyes widened slightly. Was she slipping in her attention span? It wasn't like her to not notice details like that. Perhaps that's how much she really noticed his presence in the office? She was so oblivious to him that she never realized his absence? For three hours? No way.

"It's quite alright," she mumbled, still trying to rationalize her slip up. Had he ever been late before? She couldn't give an answer to that. How disturbing, she thought.

While she pondered her lack of attention, Renji went through the usual routine, sitting at his desk, drinking the now cold tea his Lieutenant had left for him. He stopped mid-swallow. Grimacing, he forced himself to swallow the rest of the bitterly cold brew. He shoved the full cup to a far corner of his desk, unable to wipe the sour look from his face while doing so.

"Oh," she said, and he glanced over at her as she rose quickly. "It's probably cold now. I'll get you more."

"It's fine, sit back down," he said, already turning his attention back to the work in front of him. "I'll get my own tea in a while."

"You work better with the added caffeine," she said nonchalantly. Picking up her own empty cup from her desk. "I need a refill anyhow."

Damnit, he thought. Now she was waiting on him. This wasn't starting off the way he had wanted it to.

Letting out a breath, he shook his head at himself. He had no idea how to just 'talk' to this woman. She operated so differently than he did, her quiet mannerism a harsh contrast to his own personality.

He was pissed off as it was, having woken up so late in the day. Rukia and him had stayed in the real world until well into the night, so he had been aware he wouldn't get much sleep when he went to bed shortly before the sun came up.

The awkward silence filled the office as she prepared two fresh cups.

Renji sat, watching her as she did so.

Her back to him, he looked her over carefully. He never noticed how slight she was, really. She was such a tiny little thing, now that he thought about it. Thin like Rukia, but with a slightly more mature figure.

Nanao turned back to him, and walked to his desk with a new steaming cup. Setting it down in front of him, he stared at her small, feminine hand on the cup and up to her small wrist. Renji winced a little. She was truly delicate looking, really. He wasn't so sure now about attempting to pick a fight with her. He certainly didn't want to see her end up hurt, that would defeat the whole purpose all together.

"Something wrong?" She asked, catching his odd mood. Renji blinked at her in surprise.

"Ah, no," he said, flustered. Hoping she didn't catch him staring. The last thing their strained relationship needed was her getting the wrong idea about his looking at her. Not that she wasn't pretty, he reasoned, now that he was on this line of thinking.

Renji blushed lightly at his own line of thoughts.

_Where the hell am I getting this from suddenly, anyhow? _He wondered.

Ultimately, he chalked it up to never really looking at her until Rukia made him feel like a uncaring jerk of a captain last night. He never paid attention to her much at all, really.

She gave him a silent questioning look, but turned back to her own desk. She shuffled around some of her papers, before sitting back down and picking up the brush again.

Renji sipped the fresh tea, and wanted to sigh at the hot beverage. The woman really did make some of the best.

"This is much better, thanks," he said, taking another gulp. Leaning back in his chair, he stared idly at the wall, the paperwork long forgotten. His mind just wasn't in the shape to do them right now, and he would be the first to admit to his ADD when it came to office duties.

Nanao glanced at him every so often, but continued on with her own share of the work. He was reclined, gazing off at nothing in particular. She wasn't sure what it was exactly, but she knew he was gearing up to ask her something. The man was obviously uneasy about whatever it was, so she let it ride out. She wouldn't push him. Something she has come to learn was that people tended to speak more when there is no one pestering them.

About an hour ticked by this way, Nanao working while Renji stared off in his own thoughts.

"Fight me," he blurted suddenly, louder than he meant to. Nanao was startled by his sudden exclamation in the stillness of their office and jumped at his voice.

"I…what?" She stammered, her jaw slack with surprise.

"Shit, that didn't come out how I wanted it to." He had been thinking over this for the last hour, and decided he needed to see her fight. As her captain, it was certainly something he needed to see and know about. Renji turned his chair so he was facing her, meeting her eyes, looking a bit embarrassed. "What I meant was, I want us to spar. To…you know, get a feel for one another's combat skills…and all that..?"

His voice had wavered off at the end in uncertainty.

Nanao stared at him for a long moment, not shocked, not really. It was what he did with the other members, she supposed it would only be a matter of time before he requested her to do so. He no doubt was curious about her, as her skills weren't seen often. Not many shinigami would be able to tell him accurately what she could do. Only one man could tell him accurately. Or once could, anyways.

"You want to spar with me," she stated, knowing she sounded stupid, but was making sure she was clear on this. How long had it been since she sparred with anyone, really? Wincing, she realized Captain Kyouraku had been her only partner in that aspect over the years.

"Yes," he said with a slight smile and jerky nod.

"To feel out our battle techniques." Still, she was trying to clarify his reasoning. It was logical. But painful, as a million little memories of doing the same thing with another captain in another time flickered through her mind.

"Yep," Renji agreed, scratching the back of his head nervously now at her odd behavior.

"You don't look like you like the idea much," she observed, stuffing the suffocating emotions deep inside of her and slamming that door firmly. She turned her attention back to her paperwork, resuming the paragraph she had been writing.

"I don't. I don't much like messing with girls on the field." At her sharp glance at him, he flustered instantly. "I didn't mean that the way that sounded, either!"

She turned her eyes back to her work, not commenting.

"Look, Rukia hands my ass to me all the time, I'm not saying girls aren't tough!" He carried on, trying to smooth over the line he crossed. "I just, prefer to fight with the guys, you know?"

"Sir-"

"-I don't feel bad about it like I do with the girls! Attacking a man is different than attacking a woman!"

"Sir-"

"I'm not sexist or anything like that!"

"Sir!" She bit out, turning her famous glare in his direction. Renji was shocked enough to snap his mouth shut.

"_Stop_ rambling, please," she spoke calmly, repositioning her glasses slightly. "I knew what you meant."

"Ok…so, um…" Renji felt ridiculous, but he wasn't sure why. A part of his lieutenant put him in mind of his days in academy, being reprimanded with little more than a look from the instructor. It was a look that made you feel small and a little stupid. She had that look down to an art, apparently.

"So…when can we start?"

"Thank you for the request, but I will have to decline, sir." Nanao spoke in her soft, firm tones. She had always trained on her own. The only exception had been her previous captain. And both of them had looked forward to those sessions. She was reminded suddenly how he would nag and wheedle her all day long to get her to practice with him in the evening. She put up good arguments, but always caved in to him.

"But…Ise…really, this is something we need to do, right?" He argued, after all duty was duty. This was in fact something that they needed to be familiar with. SHOULD have been familiar with several, several years ago, in fact.

"I am well aware of your capabilities and fighting style," she said, brushing him off once again. Nanao felt the beginnings of irritation that he wouldn't just drop it.

And, Renji felt a flicker of frustration at her casual dismissal. He didn't get the feeling that she was intimidated by him, rather that she simply didn't want to.

"Well, _I'm_ not aware of _yours, Lieutenant,_" he pushed, in the bossy way that he managed so well to drive people mad with. "I'm your captain, you know damn well as I do this is something that we should have done a long time ago! What the hell is the big deal?"

He watched her absorb his words, caught the stilling of her hand over the paper. He tensed, sensing a flare of temper in the air around them. He felt the atmosphere around him stirring with the turbulence she was holding on to firmly.

Nanao stood suddenly, gracefully unfolding from her chair.

Renji watched her movments warily. She settled everything into a neat and orderly fashion about her desk.

When she was done shuffling things around, she turned on her heel and briskly walked out the door without a word.

"Wha-" Renji stammered, stunned by her actions. He saw her dark form disappear around the corner through the screen of the office wall.

He was left alone, his second in command having just walked out on him in mid-conversation.

"What the hell was that!"

After yelling into the empty office, he felt slightly better, but not much. He was absolutely stewing now.

That certainly wasn't how his request was supposed to go. He didn't know how things turned bitter over this simple conversation, but he was pissed off regardless.

Just what was her problem, anyhow?

He had never seen so much life stirred out of her since he took this seat, now that he thought about it. It was like working with a robot for the last thirty years, who always was polite and did her duties. Then one day flashed her simmering temper, snapping her out of her coma-like state to join the world of living once more, and exploded in silent rage…all aimed at him.

The worse part was, of course, that she simply walked away from him in the middle of it.

"Why that…" he grumbled to himself hotly. He hated not getting the last word. Hated even more to get brushed off by someone. "Who does she think she is, anyhow?"

He tracked her signature, and noticed it stopped on the roof above. She seemed to be staying put there, and he thought over his options.

Leave her alone to settle down? Their relationship will worsen if he did that. They would fall into an uneasy tenseness with each other if they didn't resolve the frustration now. It would become a cold war between them, both dealing with each other out of duty, but resenting quietly.

Pondering a moment, he knew he only had one option, really.

He figured now would be the perfect time to pick a fight with her.

After all, as mad as she was, he bet she would certainly come at him if pushed a little more. It was always the best to fight these thing out, in Renji's opinion.

He rose swiftly, his paperwork forgotten as well as hers and headed for the door.

* * *

Nanao stood in the middle of the barren expanse of the rooftop above the 8th offices. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she tried to take some deep breaths of fresh air to sooth her nerves.

She was downright mad, and she wasn't even sure why. She couldn't remember the last time she was mad, or felt much of anything besides the deep rooted cold inside of her.

Nanao was mad at her captain, and it startled her a little.

Of course Captain Abarai didn't know the inner hurt he dug up at the mention of training together. He couldn't know how the memories stirred around with every word he spoke, conjuring up one hundred year's worth of little scenes in her mind's eye. Even Renji's nagging made them come faster.

"_Come on, Nanao-chan, you know you want to smack me around…"_

She could hear her previous captain's favorite line he used, as plain as if he were standing there whispering into her ear right now.

"_I've certainly deserved it…you know you want to…"_

She drifted back to those times, even now. Of endless afternoons spent in the large open field in the Rukongai, covered in each other's sweat and dirt. If it was hot, the outer layers of clothing were slowly lost over the course of their sparring. She could picture the way he stood, with that cocky smirk on his face, bare-chested, his twin zanpakto gleaming in the sunlight, and ready for her next attack.

They went home bruised and battered, with pulled muscles and skinned knees, but always laughing. It was the source of some of her fondest memories of him. Nanao had loved those afternoons, although she would have sooner cut out her tongue than tell him that.

She could be herself, and not hold back because he was powerful enough to take her attacks. She knew he could do the same, as she was quick enough to avoid, and strong enough to block. They had moved so effortlessly with one another, it was more of a dance then a fight. They could predict the other's moves, and countering them just as flawlessly. It was hardly a fight, more like a game of chess.

But it wasn't about a challenge, or about winning or loosing to each other. It was more about-

"There you are!" The angry voice of Renji's tore the bittersweet scenes right in half, she could practically hear the rip of her mental images. His voice yanking Nanao back to the present and causing the lump in her throat to rise a little higher.

She turned to look at him, his features twisted into a scowl. She cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain his interruption on her self given alone time.

"When I came up here, it was to relieve myself of your presence," she said, a bit colder than she probably should have. She saw the shock cross his face at her words, and she turned away from him once again. She wasn't good with words, so she reasoned that it was not her fault if he took that wrong.

"Listen, Ise, I don't know what the hell your problem is all the sudden, but I'm gonna beat it out of ya!" She heard his zanpakto pulled from it's sheath. "Come on, we ARE doing this!"

Nanao snorted at his words. Well, he obviously took it wrong.

"Captain," she began, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I have already declined your offer."

"Doesn't matter," he said, shrugging. "You'll fight back eventually."

With that, he rushed at her back.

Sighing heavily, Nanao wondered what she ever did to deserve this rash kid as her new captain. As she wondered at this, Renji started to get worried.

He was close, so close, and she hadn't even turned to face him. At the last second, he stopped his swing, his zanpakto frozen a few inches from her neck. Her uniform ruffled slightly from the movment. His biceps quivered slightly from the amount of force he had put into stopping the down sweep.

"Damnit!" He yelled, jerking away from her angrily. "You would just stand there and let me attack you?"

"You weren't serious, she said, not in the least bit sounding overly worried over her almost beheading. He felt like completely loosing it over her confident statement.

He stomped around Nanao, coming around to her front, and stopping to glare down at her.

"Fight with me."

"No," her unwavering calm was even more irritating.

"It's an order, then."

She saw the triumphant smirk on his lips and wanted to roll her eyes.

"The answer is still no."

"Wha-Hey!" He sputtered as she turned away from him again, another move to brush him off. "Get back over here Ise!"

"I have work to do in the office," she said, as she reached the door to the stairwell. "Fight someone else."

"I want to fight with YOU!" His voice put her in mind of a child with a temper tantrum.

"Duly noted," she said, the door closing behind her with a clap of finality.

Renji stood there for several moments, jaw clenched and anger boiling.

* * *

Several hours later, Nanao stood up from her desk. She was finished with the paperwork and more than ready to leave this floor. She went about, putting things away and headed for the hallway. She said her greetings to the secretaries, and handed off a few stacks of papers to them.

She wished them well, and headed through the building. She made various stops on her way, checking in with different members to see that all was well before she left.

She wondered idly where Renji had went off to. The office had remained empty of her red haired captain since the little episode earlier, and she was thankful for it.

She moved down the hallway towards the exit at the end, when she felt it. If she had less self control she would have cursed out loud. Her captain was waiting outside the door for her.

She considered being a coward and going out another way, but he had probably picked up on her moving towards him at this point.

Stopping at the door, she let out a sigh and pushed through.

This exit was shadowed, having another building so close.

He stood propped against the building across the alley from her, scowl still in place, and arms crossed tensely across his chest.

"Captain," she greeted blandly.

"Ise," he mumbled, just as dry as her tone.

She watched him for a few moments, he looked like he wanted to start talking several times but stopped himself.

"Well, if this conversation is over…" She turned with the sarcastic comment and heard a quiet growl from her captain.

"Just, tell me why."

"Why?" She asked, turning back to face him.

"Why not try to get to know me?"

"I thought you wanted to spar, not get to know me?"

"Same thing," he waved off. "I…listen, I'm just as guilty. I know we have been doing things this way for many years. But…don't you think we should try?"

"I'm just fine with the way things are, sir. I hope your not trying to do this for my benefit. Honestly, my feelings are not hurt over it."

"I…" Renji stopped. He didn't honestly know which of them he was doing it for. "It's more for the fact that we are supposed to, you know?"

"I know. But we haven't," she stated in her calm, even tones. "So, it's fine. It's us, it's how we are, it's what we have become. Why try to change now?"

"Come on, its just a little spar. I know nothing about your fighting styles!"

"No. I prefer to train on my own, sir," she answered honestly.

"That's a lie, you just don't want to fight with me!"

"A lie?" She said, her own temper rising yet again. Twice in one day for him, she thought.

"Yes! A lie! I know you used to fight with Captain Kyouraku all the damn time!" He snapped, missing the wince the name caused in his lieutenant. "I know you used to spar with him! He used to sport bruises from those fights all the damn time! He TOLD me HIMSELF you were sparring so don't tell me you don't-"

Before Nanao knew what she was doing, she grabbed Renji by the collar of his uniform and jerked him hard towards her. Once at eye level, she met his wide surprised ones with a nasty glare of her own. He saw a slight blue glow starting behind her glasses, her eyes flaring dangerously.

"Listen, Captain Abarai, you don't know _anything,_" she seethed. Most of what she was suddenly angry over was the fact that he spat her previous captains name in her face to use as leverage. "How dare you."

"Ise-"

"-Enough. This conversation is over. Don't bring it up again," she snapped, and he shut his mouth.

With a hard shove, he fell back into the wall behind him, and she walked off down the alley without another word.

Renji stared, shocked at her retreating form.

"Bitch…" he breathed, surprise still holding tight to him. Pulling himself off the alleyway wall, he straightened out his ruffled clothing. He glanced in the direction she had just stormed off in and frowned darkly.

Honestly, though, he was slightly pleased. He just saw another side to his quiet little lieutenant after all.

Perhaps there was more to her than he originally thought.

He grinned suddenly. He was defiantly going to get her to fight with him now. He just got a glimpse of her fire.

It would be his mission from this point on to get her to do it.

* * *

**AN: **Ah….men. What thick headed morons they can be sometimes, eh?

Renji is actually a lot of fun to write, he's just so irrational it's a blast.

Thank you to all who reviewed, they were all lovely. And very appreciated, of course.


	4. A Lesson in Truths

Touch the Horizon

Chapter Three: A Lesson in Truths

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

"Let me get this straight." Rukia said, thoughtfully. "You were trying to work on your non existent relationship with her, and you mucked it up?"

The three friends turned off the main road to take a short cut through the Memorial Park, centered in the middle of Soul Society. This time of year, the colors of autumn stood out beautifully, but none of them paid much attention to the plant life. They were on their way to meet up with others, have drinks, and enjoy the night off they were all lucky enough to get on the same day.

"Mucked it up…" Renji muttered sourly, taking a large bite of the rice balls they bought down the road. "You could say that. However, she played a large part in the mucking up of it."

"You do that pretty well without anyone else's help." Kira added helpfully, grabbing another rice ball from Rukia's offered plate.

"Very true." Rukia laughed, starting into a coughing fit around her own bite of rice. After several moments, and eyes watering, she offered an excuse for the fit. "Wrong pipe."

The two men only snickered at her sputtering.

They turned to cross the gardens of the park, all of them quiet for a while, enjoying some of the last of the warm weather.

"Anyhow, I could see that going wrong. Your not very…" The short girl pondered the word she was looking for.

"Tactful?" Kira offered.

"Tactful! Exactly!" She nodded.

"Some friends." The red head grumbled, tossing what was left of his food to the little group of pigeons fluttering around.

It was the weekend now, two days since Renji and Nanao's spat. She hadn't spoken more than what was absolutely necessary to him since. And he acted the same towards her as well. The office had become tense and unnerving in the silence. Not that they were talkative before, but they were at least friendly and polite.

"Listen, you can't just win her over by fighting with her." Rukia offered logically. "That's what you do, and it works fine. However, not everyone works like that. You guys need to fight at some point, but maybe start smaller? She may hate combat for all you know."

"Lieutenant Ise is a little scary." Kira stated, looking intimidated. "I wouldn't want a fight with her."

"Scary?" Renji snorted. "She's too tiny to be scary. You sound like a wuss."

"You have never seen her in action." The blonde argued, thoughtfully. He shivered at a memory of her chewing some poor sap out one day. "She has a mean tongue on her. I wouldn't want to fight with her if her skills are as nasty as her remarks."

"So what?" Renji brushed off the warning.

"Maybe she isn't very skilled in combat, so she doesn't want to be embarrassed?" Rukia wondered, not really listening to the other two.

"That's not it." Renji disagreed. "I hit a nerve with her. I think you were right from the start Rukia, she misses Captain Kyouraku."

There was a few heartbeats of silence, as the three of them rounded the gardens. The exit they were headed for in sight now.

"Why do you think that's why she wouldn't spar?" Kira asked, confused at what the two subjects had to do with one another.

"You didn't see how she reacted when I mentioned him." Renji had been thinking it over for the last few days. He had even asked around the division, digging for some information. "Apparently he was the only one anyone knows of her ever sparring with."

"Really? I never thought he practiced anything but sake consumption." Kira said skeptically.

"No, I think your on to something Renji." Rukia disagreed. "It would make sense. She's not willing to do it because that was their thing. You probably brought back some sad thoughts by even mentioning it."

"I know, I figured as much when I heard that too." He grumbled. He had been so hell bent on picking a fight with her, he never considered it was a sore spot. Several division members had confirmed the fact that those two sparred all the time, but no one ever saw it. Some of them speculated that her powers were even a secret because of the nature of them. But ultimately, no one seemed to know anything for fact since they never witnessed it.

When they had a match, he was told Nanao and Captain Kyouraku went somewhere off grounds to do so. Renji was surprised no one else seemed to know anything about her fight styles, but was glad he wasn't the only one. Even the oldest members of the squad were clueless. The general assumption was that the previous captain kept her out of battle, as was his overprotective nature, and due to the loss of Lieutenant Lisa prior to her.

"Maybe a good fight in the field would make her feel better. Maybe she's been stuck in the office for too many years?" Kira wondered out loud.

"Might help." Rukia nodded thoughtfully.

"Hm." Was all Renji offered. "She's pretty pissed at me still, I think."

"Maybe you could bring her flowers or something and tell her your sorry? Girls like that stuff." Kira said, sounding pleased for the thoughtfulness of his advice. Rukia rolled her eyes.

"I'll apologize, but no flowers, idiot!" Renji snapped back. "And I plan on getting a fight out of her still!"

"Your both idiots, but I want to add to your apology. Instead of trying to push the spar, try something different." Rukia said thoughtfully.

"Like…?"

"Kira's right, I think you should get her out of the offices, too. Go on an assignment with her. Watch her fight then, with hallows." Rukia said, and Renji felt dumb for never thinking of it before.

"Wait, does she even do assignments?" Kira asked, not remembering her ever being on a battle field. "She probably doesn't volunteer."

The other two friends ignored the blonde.

"That's not a bad idea." Renji agreed, it was perfect really. He could watch her style and get a feel for what she was like on the battlefield that way. It's not what he wanted, but he knew eventually he could get her to spar with him.

It maybe would just take time but it would happen eventually. He had already decided to make her do it somehow. His curiosity was peaked now, and he wouldn't let it go until he got what he wanted.

They came to the gate, the black iron moaning when Rukia pushed it open.

The redhead stiffened at the familiar feeling pattering across his senses. He stopped in his tracks.

Glancing around, Renji was startled to see a lone figure sitting on a bench some distance off to their left.

It was his lieutenant, he realized. She had a book in her lap, but it was closed. She stared down at it, though, deep in thought. He looked back as his two friends walked on ahead of him, not noticing he had stopped.

He was supposed to be drinking sake and enjoying himself within the next hour, but something about her sitting there alone nagged him a little. Renji watched her silently, doubting she ever noticed him, she looked too zoned out.

He considered just leaving, as was the original plan. She was most likely not interested in his company, anyway. He didn't feel like a confrontation, not now. It was his day of rest, and he didn't want the headache.

But, the look on her face was almost painful to see. She looked so lost. She looked small and alone sitting on the bench, here in a deserted park. Didn't she have people to be with on her day off?

Rukia and Kira finally noticed he wasn't following and turned back to him, they gave him a questioning gaze.

He let out a sigh. Now was as good as any to talk to her right?

"Guys I'll catch up with you later." He said, nodding towards Nanao. Understanding crossed their features and they waved him off, turning back to the road.

He watched as they went on down the sidewalk without him.

OOOOO

Nanao's head jerked up at the sudden feeling of someone approaching. She wanted to curse, Renji was walking towards her, sporting his usual attire and stupid looking goggles propped on his head.

But, he didn't look like he wanted another argument, so she said nothing as he approached.

Stopping, he sat down next to her, keeping a fair amount of distance between them on the bench. He was still wary, after the little argument the other day, he wasn't sure how he would be received.

As he continued to say nothing she sighed. Turning her head to watch him, she felt duty bearing on her shoulders. She didn't want to not get along with her superior after all. And he didn't deserve the way she had acted, at any rate. "Look, captain-"

"-I'm sorry." He said, cutting her off. His gaze met her's then, and he looked apologetic. "About the other day. For pushing your buttons. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand like that, I only want to try to build more than what we have."

"I know." She answered, looking around, anywhere but at him. She hated situations like this, being a loner by nature. Anything emotional tended to drive her off. Her gaze floated around the surrounding scenery. The colorful trees ruffled in the light breeze, the air carried a scent of plant decay. "But, honestly, things are fine like this."

"They are not, Ise, and you know it." He sighed, watching her profile as she avoided his eyes. He saw her lips twist into a slight frown and wanted to apologize again.

"We don't mesh well." She stated. "It's not either of our faults. It's just the way it is."

"I know, but we could work on that right?" He asked, and she looked back at him. She was skeptical now, he realized.

"Why now, all of the sudden?"

"Why not?" He fired back.

Nanao shrugged lightly. "I just don't see why it is such a pressing matter."

"It is an overlooked matter, from both of us." He clarified.

"I assume you have something in mind, then?" She gave in, knowing he probably had some new idea to propose.

"I would like to go on a patrol with you, actually?"

Her eyes widened slightly. She wasn't expecting that. "Patrol?"

"Sure."

"I haven't been on a patrol in quite a while." She said, quietly.

"All the more reason to. Brush the dust off and all!" He said, pleased she was considering it. Her features fell into some unnamable look that he couldn't place. "I wouldn't let you get hurt, if your worried about being out of practice?"

She snorted at his male chivalry. "Hardly worried about it, sir."

"Good, then we will go Monday afternoon. Deal?"

Thinking over her options, she knew that this needed to happen. Logically, it was something to work on and she knew it.

Patrolling? Why not? She thought, pursing her lips. It was a start. Nanao didn't have anything against patrolling, it was just something she hadn't done since…well since she was seated, come to think of it. Office duties kept her too busy to do so since then.

"Deal." She sighed in defeat, noticing how excited he seemed then.

"What are you reading there, anyhow?"

"Boring kido spells." She said, glancing down at the book in question. She hadn't opened it since she sat down here a few hours ago.

"I could use some brushing up on that. Not my strong suit." He said, scratching the back of his head.

"Yes, I believe you prefer to rush into things with sword blazing." She said sarcastically. He chuckled next to her, not denying the accusation.

"I am sorry about the other day, Ise." Renji stated again, wanting her to forgive him.

"I lost my temper as well." She said, and he knew that was as far as she would say on the matter so he dropped it.

"Listen, me and a few friends are having drinks down the street." He said, awkwardly. "Your welcome to come. It's your day off, you should be having a good time. Not sitting here by yourself studying."

"You make it sound like torture." She said, looking at the large book resting in her lap again. "Thank you, but I will have to decline."

"Why?" He blurted, surprising himself. He had basically asked her to be polite, but realized when she said no that he would like her to come along.

"Not my style, sir. Go enjoy your time. I'll see you Monday." She said, her tone was clearly dismissing.

He debated briefly, before standing up and moving away from the bench.

"I look forward to seeing you kick some ass, Ise!" He called over his shoulder, with a wave. Nanao felt her lips twitch into an almost smile.

She knew things between them were far from comfortable, it was still a rocky start. But maybe she was being too cold with him? He was putting forth an honest effort, he deserved the same in return.

OOOOO

Monday morning came and went, it was pushing closer to quitting time now.

Renji stood quietly against the door, watching. He felt like he was invading her privacy, but figured it was rude to interrupt her at the moment.

He had come to the training hall to find his lieutenant to go on the promised patrol with him. What he found was her working with various members to perfect their techniques. He had been standing there for some time now, he reflected. Somehow interested in what she was up to. She moved from one member to another, correcting them as needed. Just about everyone present was practicing mild sword play or light spell work. The more physical of spars were taken outside, to the large attached fields

She had paired several members up, and practices going on all around the huge room continued under her watchful eye. But her main focus right now was a blonde girl, who's big blue eyes stared at his lieutenant with a hint of awe. Renji watched the interaction, as Nanao was going through a particular spell with the younger girl, who's name evaded his mind at the moment.

Nanao, for her part, had noticed him come in a long time ago but ignored his presence as he didn't seem inclined to approach her right now. The rest of her weakened had been quiet, as usual. And uneventful, also as usual. She hated when she had a couple days off in a row. Her overactive mind was exhausting when she had no outward distractions to lead her focus. She spent her free time alone on these days, reading or just walking around. When reading became tiresome, sometimes a long aimless walk helped pass the minutes and keep her thoughts minimal.

She stood next to an unseated member who was struggling with a simple spell. The words were perfect, the chant flawless. But as Nanao felt it out, she realized the girl was focusing her energies all wrong.

"Watch." Nanao said to the girl, stepping up next to her. The girl bowed deeply, blushing at having being caught doing the spell wrong again.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Ise!"

Approaching the young member, Nanao walked her through the spell thoroughly, explaining every step as she laid it out. The girl was eagerly listening, watching with wide, slightly nervous eyes.

"Do you think you can do it this way?" She asked, and was answered with a determined nod. She stepped back, and the girl began over again.

"Mask of flesh and blood, all creations of the universe, fluttering of the wings, ye who bears the name of man! Scorching heat and disorder, evolve the transposition of the southern sea barrier." The girl began, Nanao watched her hand light up with brilliant red, and smiled to herself a little at the proper feel of the spell.

"Hado number 31, Shakkaho!" The red fire shot from the girl's outstretched arm, hitting the target with accuracy. It was weak, but like all spells, took practice.

"Very good." Nanao noted, and the girl beamed at her. She looked up, meeting her captain's across the expanse of the hall. He stood by the door still, apparently watching her quietly. It must be time, she thought, glancing up at the clock on the wall. She couldn't avoid it much longer than she has already. "Keep working with this one, now that you have the hang of it. Perfect it."

"Y ma'am!" She said happily, wiping at the light sheen of sweat on her brow. She hurriedly bowed as Nanao walked past to meet her captain at the other end of the hall.

Nanao noticed when she drew closer that he was animated with excitement. This man really loves the fight, she thought, resisting her need to roll her eyes.

"I couldn't find you, someone told me you would be in here." Renji said when she approached. "I'm not interrupting am I? We could go later on?"

"Just finishing up, actually." She waved off, not commenting on knowing he had been there for quite a while already, and walking out the door with him and into the sunshine.

"There were sighting's out in the 6th District just a bit ago, I figured now was the opportune moment."

She nodded as they made their way through the 8th and into the streets.

"You work with them a lot?" He asked suddenly, and she glanced over at him.

"I try to make it as much as I can." She answered, and they silently switched to shunpo.

They streaked across the compound, arriving in the inner districts of Rukongai quickly. He wasn't terribly fast, but quicker than average. She caught herself slowing down for his benefit, but made sure he never noticed.

"I didn't know that." He admitted, once they stopped on the outskirts of the 6th District. They walked in silence for a while, getting a feel for the area. "That you were working with the members, I mean."

"It's beneficial." She said, hoping he was done.

They continued in mostly silence for several hours, it was starting to get dark, and still nothing was around to fight off. They trudged through the thick woods, following some tracks that had seemed to disappear in the dim lighting now.

"Maybe it moved on." Renji grumbled irritably, letting out a yawn. "Let's head back, we can come out again tomorrow I guess. We gotta get up early in the morning and this is getting old."

"No." She said simply, turning her head to face the dark expanse of forest on her left. "It's still here. Close."

"What? How do you know?" He asked, suddenly alert again, looking all around.

"Stand still, and feel for it." She said, and he stopped his movements to meet her eyes questioningly.

"Feel for it?" He asked, raising an unbelieving eyebrow at her. She scowled at him, before stomping on her temper. She had agreed to be willing to work with him, and so she would.

"Yes, you can feel the distortion in the air. It's very subtle, and can only be picked up in close range." She stated patiently, and moved off to the left, picking through the woods as quietly as she could.

"That's a bunch of crap." He grumbled, but followed her anyhow. "I've never heard that before. You saw more tracks didn't you?"

"No, I did not." She said, her tone sharpening. "I thought we were supposed to be working together here, not doubting each other?"

Renji flushed at her reprimand, and kept quiet. Continuing to follow her, he caught sounds up ahead. Surprised, he felt like saying something to her about his rude comment, but stopped himself. She wasn't very receiving of such things, anyhow.

The noises increased as they moved forward. They were close, very close.

They stopped at the edge of a clearing, as three low level hallows were in a feeding frenzy, snapping and clawing at one another as they fought for the meal in the middle. There wasn't much left of whatever it had been they were eating, mostly just parts of a body, but obviously human.

"Too late!" He seethed over her shoulder, pulling his zanpakto out and charging angrily. The three hallows lifted their bone covered heads, all of which were smeared with blood, at the sound of his approach. They barley had time to move at him before he cut them all down.

Nanao watched as he swung wide and heavily, without much thought process behind it. It was effective, of course, just lacked the finesse.

He turned to her as the last one disintegrated with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Why didn't you attack?" He asked, as if just realizing that he just defeated the whole purpose of bringing her out here in the first place.

"Obviously, because it was well handled. And you didn't exactly leave time for planning."

"Hey! You are supposed to take some initiative Ise!" He argued, "I was wanting to see you fight, Damnit!"

"Well, sir, you'll certainly get your chance."

"Chance! The chance is dead now! Where have you been?" He said, and she had the irrational urge to hit him with something. He was just so…loud, sometimes.

"Not those, captain." She continued patiently. Pointing a dainty finger to a spot behind him. "The three more approaching."

Renji's eyes widened, and he whirled around. He stared up at the enormous higher level hallows towering over them now. How the hell had he missed that?

"Menos…" He mumbled, still shocked. "Why would they be here?"

"To eat the low levels." Nanao supplied helpfully. "Any gathering of them can attract Menos, sir."

"I know that!" He snapped, wanting to punch something suddenly. She was so frustrating! Just standing there all calm and collected when there were freaking menos standing over them!

"Would you like to tear off after them to?" She asked casually, Renji wanted to scream when her voice sounded almost bored.

"No! Obviously, I would like some cooperation!" Not that a menos was a huge threat to a captain level, but with three of them, and their slightly larger intelligence they could catch a shinigami off guard. They tended to work together to kill, preferring to gang up on their prey.

"Fair enough." She said, stepping next to him in the clearing, her neck craning to look up into the eerie white faces so far up.

One of them let out a shriek that they felt vibrate through their ribcages. All three of them moved then, as if the sound was a universal command to attack.

Renji tensed at the incomers, and released his zanpakto. "Howl, Zabimaru!"

He stepped in front of her, wanting to make sure she wasn't put in any danger by the newcomers.

Before he could bound off after them, Nanao raised her hand palm facing out.

She let out a slow breath, time felt like it slowed with it.

As the world burst into a blinding bright yellow flare, Nanao wondered how long it had been since she cut down a hallow.

Renji gasped, and dove out of the way, just barley missing the blast of energy that lit up bright as the sun beside him. The heat of her kido burned at his skin as if sitting way too close to a fire and he cursed, springing back farther still.

Hand steady, the yellow bolt shot from her raised palm, with lightning-like movements towards the closest menos.

When the strike hit, it incinerated the mask on contact, and the body began dissolving.

Without breaking the original spell, Nanao moved her arm and aimed at the second. The lightning jumped and crackled from the first target to next with the movement, killing the second just as quick.

The third menos followed suit, this was the only one that got out a shriek before it's end, as it saw the others' demise before it's own.

When is too disappeared, Nanao lowered her arm as the energy dissipated, leaving a mist of steam in it's wake. She was satisfied with the quick, clean work. The clearing was empty other than herself and her captain now.

The forest fell into darkness once again, as well as complete silence.

"Wha…" Renji tried from behind her. She looked back at him over her shoulder. His mouth hung open and he stared off at the places the menos once stood. He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his face, composing himself. "What the BLODDY HELL WAS THAT ISE?"

She blinked at his outburst. "Hado…number 63?"

"NO SHIT HADOU NUMBER 63!" He was loosing it, she thought. "I know damn well what it was!"

"Then, why did you ask?" She was truly confused at his behavior.

"Where was the incantation? The hand gestures, the whole damn spell!"

"I don't need all that, sir." She said, her eyebrows raised in surprise at his tone. What was his problem?

"Why the hell not!" He was still shouting and she was still confused.

"Did you not know I was a master level?" She asked, "Everyone knows that."

"Of course I knew that!" He shouted, feeling flustered at her obvious statement. "I just…"

Renji was not the best at kido, but he had witnessed his previous captain belt out some damn perfect spells over the years. But never one this high without so much as a word uttered. He was completely stunned to say the least.

"WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN SITTING AT A DAMN DESK FOR ALL THESE YEARS WHEN YOU CAN DO THAT!"

"I…" Nanao closed her mouth. She never considered that question before, in all honestly. She was a seated officer, and the office work was what was mainly expected of her. Combat was always a possibility, but tended to be handed out to those who were itching for the fight. Nanao was never one of those people, so she tended to be kept on the sidelines unless absolutely necessary.

"Why didn't I ever know you could do this?" He grumbled, staring at her with an accusing look across his face.

"You… never asked?" She knew it was a dumb reply but it was all she had.

"Anything else you want to share?" He raved, "Considering I apparently really know squat about your abilities, we may as well talk this over now! Are you gonna pull a bankai outta your pretty little ass next, Ise?"

"I'm going to let that comment slide, due to your mood right now." She muttered, her cheeks heating.

"Your damn right you will!" He was still irrational, and she sighed heavily.

"Listen, I apologize if you felt mislead, but keep in mind I never mislead you, sir. You assumed what you did, and we never were in a situation that called for any such show of abilities." She reasoned, and he stared at her silently for a few moments. He couldn't really argue her logic.

Letting out a breath, Renji willed himself to calm down.

"Where the hell did they have you during the war, then?" He asked, quieter now than before. "We could have used someone like you out there."

She winced, and looked down at her feet. At her lack of response, he felt like he was getting too personal, bringing up the past.

"I was left in Soul Society, obviously." She finally answered. "I was part of the group put together as Plan B, in the event of an attack happening there."

Renji absorbed this. He had of course known such a group was composed, but never really paid much attention to the details.

"Why you?"

"I…it was an order. From the Head Captain." She stated simply.

"I know, but I mean why you specifically?" He knew he was pushing her again, but he honestly wanted to know. This woman who worked for him for all these years was still such a mystery and he was starting to scratch the surface.

Nanao looked up at him again, meeting his eyes once more in the dying light of the forest.

"Because of my tactical skills, my kido, the ability to effectively lead. My knowledge, my know-how. The list goes on, but I've forgotten how it was worded exactly. That was what the official report I was given stated. It was decided, without room for argument on my part. I had no say in it. It was already finalized when I was told. I wanted to go. I didn't want to be left here." She sounded a little resentful.

He saw the hurt in her violet eyes and felt a pang of guilt.

"That's not what I meant…I wouldn't think that you didn't want to be a part of it, Ise."

She nodded and smiled a little at him.

"Kind of flattering though, huh? The Head Captain thinking you could handle it if it came to a battle in Soul Society." He said, trying to lighten the suddenly morose mood of the conversation. She looked hesitant then, debating on something.

They started walking back the way they came, as the night continued to fall in around them.

"I was nominated, actually." She said after a while. The silence stretched between them and Renji knew who had done it without asking. "I…had felt so betrayed, you know? Like he was denying me what I have been trained to do. Denying my purpose in this life, my right to stand and fight alongside of him."

"He was looking out for you, probably."

"Probably." She agreed, sounding bitter. "I shouldn't have been so…harsh on him for it. If I had known it would be the last time I could talk to him…"

When she trailed off, Renji felt a whole new wave of guilt hit him at her words. They had a fight, he assumed. And that was the last time she spoke with him.

They walked on, their footsteps the only sounds in the forest and he searched for the right thing to say.

"Ise, you can't tear yourself up over that." He said, feeling so out of place he didn't even know where to begin. He felt her sadness in the air like a living thing right then and wanted nothing more than to start this whole night over, to have never brought the conversation to this point.

"I know that." She said with a wave, and he figured someone else had already said such a thing to her. "But…I could have swallowed my pride for once, and just accepted the order. I could have done my job and not made a big deal out of it. I could have said goodbye properly, and not send him off the way that I had. I should have never said what I said. But…I did, and I've never regretted anything more my entire life."

He wanted to comfort her, but wasn't sure how. She was basically a stranger, and he wasn't entirely sure what she would be comforted by even. Renji would have reached out and hugged her if it was Rukia talking to him right now. He had been through this kind of loss with her when Kaien had died. He knew she still carried that pain with her like a lead weight around her shoulders, but she had forgiven herself at least.

He wondered if Nanao would ever find her forgiveness.

"If roles were reversed," He said quietly, as they reached the main road of the 6th once again, the busy little district having fallen into the quiet of the night as well. "Would you want him feeling the way you do?"

"No." She answered truthfully.

"Do you think he would want that out of you then?"

"No." She answered again, looking up at the moon that was revealed by the clouds shifting in the night sky. Her mind drifted to the day he left automatically.

_"How can you do this to me?" She had demanded slamming the report down on the desk in front of him. He looked up at her from his seated position with sad, steady eyes._

_"Nanao-chan," He said carefully. "Before you get upset, hear me out."_

_"There's nothing to hear, Captain!" She had snapped. "It's perfectly clear already isn't it?"_

_"I can't have you there." He said simply. She was positively furious at him._

_"Just tell me why not." She fought for composure with everything she had._

_"You know why." At the look she gave him, he continued, "My focus needs to be in the fight."_

_"Do you think I can't defend myself then? That you will need to swoop in and save me? You can't focus on your fight because you'll be too busy looking out for me? That's the issue?"_

_"That's not it and you know it." He was upset too, she could tell by the slight tightening of his features. _

_"You don't think I could handle myself out there, then?" She asked, truly hurt._

_"I know, better that anyone, that you could handle it." He said quietly. "But I don't think I could handle it with you there."_

_"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She was ready to blast something with his cryptic explanations. Deep down, Nanao knew that his intentions had been good, that he had been in a firm standing belief that he was doing the right thing by making her stay behind. _

_"Nanao-chan," He started. "Please, just trust my judgment on this. You are not going. I don't want you there."_

_"You…don't want me there?" She had felt so deflated by his words. It was worse than a punch in the gut, how could he say he didn't want her there? On one of the most important wars Soul Society has ever had, and he didn't want her there? He didn't want her help?_

_"No." He said, calm and solemn. _

_"And if the fight moves here?" She asked, feeling like he had stabbed her with his words. A thick lump rose in her throat but she would not fall apart in front of him, not right now. _

_"It will never reach you." His statement was so certain, his eyes so intense at that moment, she believed it._

_"I will never forgive you for this." She said, softly but with so much ice in her words she could see the hurt in his features. _

_Without waiting for a reply, she turned and left the office. She ignored when he called out to her. She kept walking, stewing in anger and bitterly resentful. _

_He had left shortly after, and she refused to even say goodbye to him when he did. _

_When she got back to their office later in the day, long after he was gone, she found a note on her desk. It simply read:_

_"When I return, I will do everything I can to earn your forgiveness."_

_She had felt the first stirrings of dread when she read those words. _

_She hoped with all she had that he knew she had said what she did out of fear of not being there if he needed her. She hoped he hadn't gone to the battle with the thought that she wouldn't ever forgive him._

_But, she had little doubt that he knew exactly how upset she was with him. She had seen on his face that day how much he had understood her anger at him._

She wished she could take it all back.

She wished she would have handled it all so differently.

She wished she would have wrapped her arms around him, and told him to be safe, to come back to her.

She wished she would have spent those last precious moments telling him how important he was to her, how much he changed her life just by being himself.

She wished and wished and wished.

But, Nanao knew, she would never have those wishes granted.

With her new Captain, at her side, who probably felt awkward and ashamed to have brought it all up, she walked on in silence.

Through the quiet of night, and the chill of autumn, she felt utterly, and irrevocably alone.

OOOOO

I would love to hear some of your thoughts on the story up to this point. Feedback is wonderful, don't forget to review!


	5. Brush of Pressure

Touch the Horizon

Chapter Four: A Brush of Pressure

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

Laying in bed that night, Renji felt utterly miserable.

His intentions, when he had gone on a routine patrol with his lieutenant, had been quite simple. To get to know her better in the field.

Somehow, however, it had morphed into something far more complex then he could have ever anticipated it to.

First, he had been stunned stupid by her kido wielding talents. It was an absolutely, excitingly wonderful development to know what she was capable of.

Well, that wasn't true, he reasoned. He had no idea what she was capable of. Tonight had been one little show of her abilities. Just one. Hard to say what else she could pull off, but he was willing to bet it was just as impressive.

He smirked a little to himself, remembering how she looked, small but standing firm as the angry blast of her kido lit up the night. He again began wondering at how he could get her to spar with him, but that was a matter for another day.

The second development, was some of the background information that she offered, which surprised him more. He never expected her to open up to him, of all people. She didn't strike him as someone who talked about such a private thing, but he supposed that's just how she worked. He had asked, after all, and she had told.

The third thing that struck him, and struck the hardest, the one thing that stood out from all the events of the evening, was her deep rooted sadness.

It was strange, really, that he never even noticed it ever before.

But it was there, it was dark and alive and consuming her.

It was so obvious to him now, he wondered how he had ever overlooked it. Was he that dense? That selfish, that unconcerned, that he never took a few extra moments to talk to the woman he worked with day in and day out?

It had taken Rukia to point out to him that he needed to build a bond with Nanao before the thought ever crossed his mind.

How did he ever not take the time to get to know her, even just a little?

He hated to admit, but he had been a jerk over the years. He had never paid any attention to his busy little lieutenant. He had assumed she was just Ise Nanao, 8th Division lieutenant, and that was all there was to it.

The crazy part was, that he was finding her traits to be so fascinating.

He was curious, now more than ever, who she was. He saw a few peeks into her world over the last week, and he found himself eager for more.

He was just curious, he reasoned with himself. This was, after all, what he had meant from the start of this whole thing. He wanted to get to know Nanao, to figure her out a little, form a good captain/lieutenant relationship.

But as he lay awake, staring at the ceiling, his eyelids refusing to stay shut, he wondered at the woman.

He was a little ashamed of himself, but he felt the beginnings of attraction to her.

At the moment, however, he was stubbornly refusing to admit it, or to pay much attention to the fact.

He felt bad for her, that she spent her time alone, that she was racked with guilt over the past. He didn't want to see the sadness in her, it _bothered_ him. More than he could understand why, it bothered him.

Renji decided, in the early, dark hours of morning, that he would start getting her to accompany him after work hours. He would start inviting her out. He wanted her to spend more time around people, to socialize a little. Perhaps she was just left to her thoughts too much, he figured. She needed to be around someone, not by herself all the time. She needed a friend, someone to talk with. Maybe that would help. Maybe he wouldn't have to see the sadness in her eyes if he could change it a little.

Filled with new purpose, he closed his eyes.

Tomorrow, he would start chipping away at her.

OOOOO

Nanao just set her captain's tea on his desk when the door slid open behind her.

"Captain." She greeted, turning to him as he walked in. He smiled at her, it was a warm smile, not one of his usuals.

"Good morning." He said, sitting at his desk as she went to her own.

He took a sip of the hot tea, and looked over the first page of reports on his desk.

Nanao started on her own, trying her best to not feel embarrassed by the rather personal conversation they had the night before. She didn't mean to blurt any of it out, it had just happened.

Captain Ukitake was the only other she had spoke with about those things, but she tended to avoid that line of conversations with him anymore. It's not that she didn't want to speak with him, more that she could see him spiraling into his own guilt and hurt whenever it was brought up. He was increasingly ill these days, and Nanao didn't want to cause anymore stress on him than necessary.

So, she had taken up not talking about it, as no one else could really understand. What was the point when there was no one who could relate?

But last night, Renji had asked, and it literally just spilled out. It just felt nice to talk with someone. She missed just talking with someone.

Although she was far from comfortable with Captain Abarai, he was someone who wore their traits for all to see. There was no guessing what he thought, or what he was about. And she knew he was honestly curious with his questioning. It had been a small weight off her shoulders to say something out loud after all this time.

But now, she felt a little foolish for doing so. She had an image to uphold, she didn't want him to think she was as hung up on the past as she was. She didn't want the pity.

The hours ticked by in mostly silence, only interrupted occasionally by a question from him about this form or where to sign.

She was relieved when he left for a meeting, as it eased up the slight nervousness she felt.

Nanao had been so worried he would ask some awful question like 'how are you feeling today?' or 'do you feel any better?'. But he hadn't, thank god, and she was counting her blessings for that much.

When she finished the last page in her stack, she headed to the file cabinet and pulled out the folders to start on the scheduling for next quarter. It wasn't due for over a month, but she had to do something. She still wasn't used to getting done so early, but it had its advantages certainly.

What she wouldn't have given, thirty odd years ago, to be this caught up in the office. She would have been so elated at the accomplishment. But, funny enough, she would give anything to be that backlogged now, if only to have things the way they were before.

When the scheduling was complete, she started on next month's budgeting. Another pointless thing to start so early.

She continued on in the quiet of the office, working at the unnecessary task she had.

The time slipped on, unnoticed, until her captain came back in some hours later.

He glanced up at the clock and frowned slightly.

"What are you working on?" He asked, his eyes traveling to the papers on her desk. "It's long past time to leave."

"Inventory for the barracks." She said, not looking up.

"Isn't that something another seat could do?"

"Yes." She said simply.

"Then you can leave it for another?" He clarified.

"I could. Why?" She looked up then, and caught a look on his face she wasn't sure how to interpret.

"Let's go get something to eat. I'm starved." Renji said, nodding his head towards the door. She stared up at him with puzzlement.

"Go ahead, sir." She said, dismissal in her voice. "I'm quite fine."

"No, I want you to come with me." He stated, with a tone that sounded like she was slow in the head, earning another look of puzzlement from her.

"Why?"

"You make it sound awful." He laughed at her expression. "Come on, your being so stubborn."

He was already walking to the door before she could think of a response.

OOOOO

Nanao found herself in a noodle shop at the edge of the 1st district. The place was almost uncomfortably warm, with all the streamers and fryers in the kitchen, and heavy crowd in the lobby.

She tried not to stare as Renji ate his weight in food, but she couldn't honestly remember ever seeing someone eat so much at once.

She poked around her own plate, having not really eaten much at all.

"Not hungry?" He asked, around a mouthful.

"I'm not a big eater." She said honestly, glancing at all the empty plate he had cleared and smiled slightly. "Obviously next to you I suppose anyone would look like a lightweight."

"High metabolism." He said by way of explaining and taking another large bite.

She picked at her plate a little more, glancing around the large crowded dining room. There were people from all walks of life here, some dressed very nice, and some dressed very poorly.

"This place is famous among the locals." Renji said, noticing her gaze sweeping the crowd. "Their soups are legendary. Try yours, you'll see what I mean."

"Can I ask you something?" She turned her eyes back to his and he froze mid-bite.

"Sure." He said, lowering the chopsticks.

"I wouldn't mind going on more patrols. Is that a possibility?" She asked, watching his face for reaction. In all honestly, she had gotten in so late last night, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. It was wonderful. That was the first time in as long as she could remember that she fell right to sleep when she laid down. Usually, she would toss and turn until her thoughts exhausted themselves, and she slipped into an uneasy slumber. Accompanied sometimes by various bad dreams.

"Ah, yeah. Sure, any particular reason the sudden interest?"

"I'm out of practice." She lied easily. "It was nice to flex those muscles again."

He nodded thoughtfully, his food forgotten. He would like to accompany her on another one, but he wasn't sure if that's how she meant it or not. She may want to go alone, or with anyone really. Not him specifically. Plus, this evening was almost over, and he had planned to go to the Real World tomorrow afternoon.

A thought struck him then and he wanted to smack himself for not thinking of it sooner.

"When is the last time you went to the Real World?" He blurted, and she was caught off guard by the change in subject.

"Not since the academy training there. Why do you ask?"

"Clear your schedule tomorrow then!" He said seeming pleased. He stuffed a huge chunk of sushi into his mouth as she stared back at him blankly.

"You…are asking me to go there, I presume?"

"Sure. It would be a fairly new thing for you, right?" He said, voice muffled around the food.

"I don't know anything about the Real World, sir." She said, feeling a little lost pride at the admission. Ise Nanao knew everything about everything, almost. But the Real World? Next to nothing.

"I'll teach you!" He said, swallowing finally. "I know it well."

"I don't know that it would be such a good idea." She declined.

"Why? It is basically like a patrol. Just a little hunting, some new sight seeing." He encouraged. The thought of getting her out of routine was promising. She would probably like a lot of the things he could show her. But he saw the uncertainly cross her face.

"I don't know, sir."

"It would be a great experience." He said, and she noticed how excited he seemed. "What's there to worry about?"

She wondered that herself. The Real World never held any attraction to her, but those that went frequently seemed to enjoy the trip. Rangiku always came back with arm loads of trinkets to show off, not to mention some good stories to tell.

"Tomorrow afternoon…?" He asked, and she relented with a nod.

OOOOO

The next afternoon, Nanao stood, looking uncertainly at the blank gigai that previous captain Kisuke Urahara held out for her.

"I was not aware I'd be in one of…those." She said, sounding just a slight bit uneasy.

"Why? What's wrong?" Renji asked, glancing over. He stepped into his own blank, and she watched with fascination as it formed to him. In her previous trips to the Real World, Nanao had stayed in spirit form, having never used such a devise. It had changed right in front of her, animated to life with her captain's soul.

"I just never used one of these." She mumbled, meeting the shadowed gaze of Urahara who stood in front of her. He smiled a sly smile and she relaxed a little. She had seen him in passing over the years, but had no particular aquatince with the mysterious man. She remembered him from when she was a child, when he was the head of the research and development, as well as the captain of the 12th, who had gone rogue.

"Ise-san, I assure you it's a lovely experience to be in one!" He said with an excited nod. She trusted his word, as her previous captain had always spoke highly of this man. "Takes a little getting used to, but all around enjoyable."

Nanao listened to the older man, but still hesitated. She glanced over his shoulder at Renji who was stretching his arms over his head.

"Don't be a little coward, Ise!" He yelled at her, looking impatient. She bit her lip to hold back the nasty retort on her tongue.

Nanao squared her shoulders at the jab, and took a step closer to the blank. She had read about the gigais of course, but hadn't seen one up close, or even had any interest in them. It was like a large, white doll, she thought. Void of all features, it was creepy looking more than anything.

She let out a breath, and moved into it. She saw Urahara's eyes glint with satisfaction when she finally stepped into the strange thing.

Nanao felt a suction pull her in when she made contact, twisting her and fitting her into place. She felt the shifting of the gigai as it molded to her and took on her appearance.

Blinking her eyes open, she was caught off guard by the new sense of higher gravity and stumbled into Urahara.

"Whoa, easy there. Not that I mind a pretty girl in my arms, but we have company after all." He chuckled, righting her and keeping a steadying hand on her shoulder. Nanao blushed at the clumsiness and added comment from the man.

"Well?" Renji asked, suddenly at her side, looking her over. "How do you feel?"

"Strange." She answered honestly, looking at her hands as she wiggled her fingers. It was like having a second set of skin, making her body feel slightly restricted. Like she couldn't quite fit into an outfit, almost. Added with the new gravity, she felt heavier as well.

"You will get used to it." Urahara assured her, stepping back from her now balanced form. "Some ground rules are needed, however. First, treat it as if it were your own body. If this one dies, while you are stuck inside, you will die as well. You can avoid this by popping back out if you were injured while inside, as your spirit self will start healing much quicker."

Nanao nodded at him, as she took a few unsteady steps around the room in the back of his shop that they were in. Renji stuck close, as if expecting her to fall again. She was pleased to see that she was getting used to the feel of this thing, though.

"Second," The older man continued, "You can't summon any attacks while inside, as the gigai will subdue such things. This is a fairly new improvement, as shinigami were attacking hallows when they were in these. You can still feel out other energies and see things the humans cannot, however, if a hallow attack takes place, you need to free yourself in order to fight."

She had already noticed the uneasy feel of her absent zanpakto that was missing from her sleeve. It had set her into a mild panic at the loss of the constant weight.

"Third," He continued, "try not to damage it up too badly. They are quite pricey, and I seem to be constantly footing the bill."

Renji heard the change in his tone and glanced over at him. Urahara was looking pointedly back at him.

"Hey! Don't give me that look! I'm not the only one!"

"No, but I believe your tab is the priciest." He said dryly, waving him off with a flick of the fan in his hand. "Anyhow, Ise-san, do careful and I'll see you tonight."

"I will. Thank you." She bowed, almost lost her balance with the action, but regained it quickly.

Still needed to get used to it, that was for sure.

OOOOO

Making their way down the busy sidewalks of Karakura Town, Nanao felt like a child again. Eyes big, attention span short, and with a sense of excitement she hadn't felt in many , many years.

There were so many strange things to see in this town, so many interesting looking shops and diners.

The people were less formal, dressed in all typed of styles of clothing. She looked down at her own attire, blushing. The shirt was a plain cotton type, and wasn't so bad. The pants, however were another matter. It was strange material her captain had called jeans. They made her feel antsy, as they restricted her movements. Shinigami uniforms were created with a fight in mind, leaving room to move and be flexible. These strange pants did no such thing. They were tight, and felt too thick.

But Renji had insisted that this was the style here, and looking around, she knew now he had been right. She tried not to notice how his eyes would skim over her when he thought she wouldn't see. Men, she thought.

She couldn't help but be amazed by how much more advanced the Real World had become, It had been so long since she had been here last. There was tremendous changes done in that amount of time.

She knew she was gawking at everything, but couldn't help herself. It was just all so fascinating.

"Come on, Ise, there's things to see!" She couldn't help but to smile at her captain's enthusiasm. It rubbed off on her, it seemed. She followed him through the crowds eagerly.

OOOOO

They had been walking for hours, as he showed her various things. They had stopped and ate, and he had introduced her to new foods she never heard of before. It was delicious, even though she couldn't remember what he had called it.

They were walking over a small bridge now, and Nanao paused to look over the edge. The large stream that ran beneath it gurgled peacefully and she smiled a little.

The whole day had been exciting, she mused. Even though there were no hallow appearances, which was the original reason for the trip, she had enjoyed herself. It had all together been a perfect distraction.

"What do you think, Ise?" Her captain's voice asked, having stopped and looked over the edge as well next to her.

"I enjoyed this." She answered honestly. He noticed how the smile she offered him reached her eyes for the first time he remembered seeing. She looked a little content, he thought. A little more light hearted as she peered over the stone sidewalls of the bridge.

"I'm glad." He said, meaning it. They turned and began making their way back to the other side of town. It was getting dark now, and they were headed for Urahara's shop, which was their final destination for the day.

Renji, for his part, was very pleased with himself for thinking up this trip. It had done wonders for her, he thought as he glanced over at her next to him. She was still wide eyed as they walked, and he smiled at her curiosity.

"We should do it again." He said casually. She met his eyes with a slight look of agreement.

"I wouldn't mind that." She answered, thinking back to all the shops they had passed, all the neat sights she witnessed. "There were so many things I saw that I would like to see more of."

"Alright then, do you have any specific plans for the weekend?"

"Not particularly." She admitted, she never had plans.

"This weekend then!" He said as they rounded the corner and the shop came into view. Urahara was standing on the deck, speaking with another man. Nanao felt the force of the other man's spiritual pressure and it about took her breath away. She knew this man, but couldn't place it.

"Oi!" Renji called, and when the man turned Nanao had to cover her surprise. It was the ryoka, from so many years ago. The hero of the winter war, Ichigo if she remembered his name correctly. Only…

He was different.

Older, a little more defined in his appearance. His used to be bright orange hair sprinkled at the temples with silver, his face lined some, his chest a little broader. He was still in excellent shape, from what she could tell, far from old age. But it was still a bit of a shock to see first hand the difference in how people age here compared to Soul Society.

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo asked, his voice sounding fond but gruff at the same time. His hazel eyes flickered to her briefly, before returning to Renji.

"Just showing my lieutenant around." He answered, smirking down at her.

"Oh, this is Nanao then?" He asked, looking surprised. "I didn't realize."

"Nice to meet you in person, sir." She bowed respectfully and Ichigo seemed uncomfortable.

"Stop with that polite stuff." He grumbled. "Rukia come with you guys?"

"No, its just us." Renji answered.

Urahara interrupted then, asking everyone to come inside for tea and they started moving towards the shop. Ichigo and her captain jabbed insults back and fourth as they walked through the doorway and took seats around the low table.

Nanao froze before she sat, her foot still raised in mid-step, her whole body stiffening.

Something…

"Ise?" She heard his voice, but it was cataloged to a far corner of her priorities. Another sense was lit up across her attention, and her hands trembled slightly.

"Are you alright?"

"Ise-san?"

Renji was up now, at her side instantly. He shook her lightly and she turned her wide, startled eyes to meet his concerned ones.

"What is it?"

"I…" Her throat was dry. She cleared it, and tried to appear alright to the three men staring at her with various looks of worry. "Sorry, just…tired, I think."

It was a lame excuse, and her cheeks heated from it.

But she couldn't tell them the truth. She couldn't say what she was feeling.

It was a feeling she would know anywhere, in any situation.

She concentrated on it hard, resisting the urge to run after the source. There was no mistake.

It was Captain Kyouraku's reiatsu signature.

Her heart pounded in her chest, blood rushing to her ears. It was impossible.

But, it was his. She had spent more time in his presence than any other's, she was conditioned to his particular pressure from having worked so long together.

It was his, she would stake her life on it. It was weak, so much weaker than what it once was.

"Ise?"

She had to fight back the urge to shove Renji out of the way, to make a scene, to chase after the slight, flickering pressure she felt.

But, it moved away just as quick, the stirring of her senses loosing the read on it.

Focusing on it was near impossible, she realized, with Ichigo in the same room.

It was comparable to trying to feel heat from a candle, with a raging bonfire so close. The man's own pressure leaked and swirled around him messily, drowning out the smaller one she desperately searched for. She had lost it all together.

Renji searched her expression briefly, his brows knitted. Nanao blinked at him, she felt her composure slipping and he must have noticed.

A hush had fallen over the room, and if she wasn't mistaken Urahara looked a little more focused on her than she would expect.

"Guys, we are going to head back." Her captain said then, turning to the others. They nodded, still looking at her worriedly. "See you this weekend."

"Bring the midget with you." Ichigo said offhandedly, and she assumed he meant Rukia. "Nanao, take care of yourself."

She barley managed a polite bow to him, as Renji took her by the wrist, leading her. Her skin felt clammy to him, which hiked up his concern a few notches. He had never seen this woman so…undone. She was white as a ghost, her eyes shinned with a look her would describe as a surprise mixed with slight panic.

They moved to the back room, and she felt like she was on autopilot as she freed herself from the gigai. The weightlessness washed over her, she felt like her body was uncoiling from an uncomfortable position.

Nanao hardly even noticed the odd sensation, however. She was still trying to get her breathing and heart rate back to a normal again.

Renji did the same, stepping free of his gigai, and he hung the blanks both in the closet as she tried to collect herself in silence.

He turned back to her, waiting quietly for her to acknowledge him. He was truly worried at her behavior, but didn't know how to help her, considering he had no idea what the problem was.

After a moment she looked up, meeting his eyes. She seemed like she had a firm grip again, he noted.

The silence stretched, and he saw her look more and more like herself by the second. But he didn't miss the slight tremors in her hands still. With a questioning look on his face, he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Want to talk about it?" Her ca[tain looked truly concerned, like he wanted to help in some way.

"Not yet." She whispered. Nanao wasn't sure if she would ever bring it up, to anyone, but she needed him off her case right now. She felt raw, her emotions frayed with the implications of what she had felt, her whole system was short circuiting. "I'd like to go back, sir."

He nodded after a quiet moment, not prying any more on the matter, and she was thankful.

She needed space.

She needed to think, needed to turn this over in her head.

She would sit in her room, and maw over this over and over and over, she knew.

She would look at the whole thing logically, and eventually accept the obvious. He was gone, there was no way she had felt his pressure.

She would face what she knew, deep down inside of her:

That she had imagined the whole thing.

OOOOO

Poor Nanao, hasn't she been through enough yet?

Seriously, thank you to the faithful reviewers, I like knowing how it is looking to an outside prospective.

So, since I've had quite a few people wonder where this story is going, has this chapter given a hint? ^_^

I hope so. Next chapter will be a bit more informative!

Thanks again, stay tuned.


	6. The Path Less Traveled

Touch the Horizon

Chapter Five: The Path Less Traveled

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

Nanao startled awake, blinking dazedly at the sunshine in her eyes. Squinting at the brightness, she threw an arm across her eyes and let out a long breath.

She had to take a few moments to remember where she was, as she shook off the fog of sleep.

Grass tickled across her neck, and she remembered with sudden clarity.

She noticed, at that same moment, she was also not alone.

"I wondered when you would wake up." The light hearted tone of Captain Ukitake commented to her right. She suppressed a groan that threatened to escape at his humor filled tones.

"How long have you been waiting?" She asked after a moment, lowering her arm and glancing over at him. He sat cross-legged in the lush grass close to her, his white hair lifting gently in the breeze, and gazing out into the beautiful scenery.

She studied him a moment, trying to gage his mood. He had a look on his face she has come to know as the one he wore when pretending he had no other purposes to a visit.

"Not long." He turned his dark eyes to her's now, and smiled down at her. "I didn't want to wake you. Sleep seems to be hard to come by these days, hm?"

"I can't argue that." Her cheeks heated slightly, and she pushed herself up into a sitting position. It was no secret that people in the division often reported to him when they thought she needed a friend to talk to. Nanao had given up long ago being upset by this, as her division members worry about her the same she does them. Captain Ukitake was a hard person to not open up to. He was so easy, so willing to listen. It made her cringe, knowing how much she has avoided him over the years. It wasn't him specifically, more like the happiness he represented. The precious moments that were snatched from her grasp thirty years ago.

His face was lined with more worry marks than ever showed previously. Nanao always told herself to go see him more, he was still hurting too. She wasn't the only one who needed a friend to talk to after all.

"So," She started, looking around the large expanse of field in front of her. The long grasses were dotted with wildflowers, all swaying like ocean waves in the breeze. The leaves of the trees surrounding the area were a splash of fall colors. "What brings you here, sir?"

He chuckled next to her, and shook his head a little. Nanao was so hard to fool, he knew. She was untrusting by nature, even though they shared a good relationship.

"I just came for a chat." He said, trying to sound honest. She was never fooled.

"What are they saying about me now?" Nanao asked tiredly. She smoothed her hand over her hair absently, straightening out the pieces that came undone while she had napped.

"Just one person, actually." He sighed, giving up on trying to act as if he wasn't here for a reason. "But that's neither here nor there. How are you?"

She looked over and met his eyes at the question.

"I've been fine. How are you, Captain?" Her voice came out quieter than she meant it to, and it earned her a sad smile from the white haired man next to her. They stared at one another a moment.

She nodded in quiet understanding, and turned her gaze back to their surroundings.

"I was surprised to find you here, actually." He said. "I didn't think you came out here anymore."

"I don't usually. Not often." She said, adjusting her glasses slightly in unease. "Sometimes, it's just…a good place to think."

He nodded at her answer, plucking a small daisy from the grasses in front of him. She waited patiently for him to say something more. "Winter is coming soon." He said more to himself than her, picking at the little flower, lost in his own thoughts.

"Yes." She said, wondering what he was getting at. A few delicate petals fell from the daisy he held as he plucked them away.

"Everything changes, the seasons are at least predictable." He said quietly, and she watched him as he shredded the little flower with his long fingers. His head stayed downcast as he picked another. "Is that what bothers you? Is it the winter approaching that is bringing back memories?"

"No." She said, watching the whole process over again. He was a fidgeting person, and this line of conversation brought it out most strongly in him.

"Maybe it didn't have anything to do with him, then?" He asked, as if she knew what he was referring to.

"Tell me what you heard, and I'll explain."

"I heard you went to the Real World. And had a…problem. " He began, meeting her eyes then. She blinked stupidly. She wasn't expecting him to have heard about the trip, let alone her moment of panic at the end. "What happened?"

"I…" She hadn't thought of a good enough excuse yet, for this captain or her own. "I don't know."

It had been several days now since their return from the Real World. It was Saturday today, and she had declined the promised second trip with Captain Abarai, having told him she wasn't feeling well. It was a simple lie, and she thought she saw the suspicion in his features when she had told him, but she was not going back there. He had left without her, and she had retreated here. To this spot in the Rukongai. It was Nanao and her previous Captain's own personal meeting place, where they spent several days a week together. They had shared so many days here, there was an impossible amount of memories attached to this field.

The area was a huge expanse of flat open grass, surrounded by the ancient forest on all sides. The trees here were enormous, with trunks that twisted and shot to the sky. They were beautiful, seeming so high and so big it was hard to imagine how old they might be. Most of them had half their roots above ground, and they stretched and covered the wood line. She had become a master of navigating those roots, as they were huge, moss covered and slippery, and hard to step over in places. Several twisted ankles in years past had made her a quick learner.

During their spars, they had had an ongoing pact not to allow any of their attacks to ever damage the trees, as they were simply too stunning to see tarnished.

Her mind drifted easily to one of those days, one that stood out more than others.

_She stared him down across the expanse between them, knowing he had some move up his sleeve he was about to use. He looked a bit ruffled, having several scorch marks and dirt smearing the knees of his uniform. Nanao had landed several perfect attacks on him. _

_His lips smirked, and he raised his twin zanpakto slightly. He was ready again, she knew. Hat and haori lay forgotten off to the side of the field, his white robes fluttered in the wind, dotted with burned spots. _

_Nanao smirked back, with as much pride as she could, anyhow. She knew she looked ridiculous, having lost a sleeve to Katen Kyokotsu's clean swipe a while ago. Her hair had came undone long ago, as well, and she had somehow lost both of her sandals._

_It was warm today, but not unbearably. They had been at it for a few hours now, neither one ready to call it quits just yet. _

_Her kido blazed hot on her hands, her arms at her side, ready for whatever he would try. She was tiring, having fired off an enormous amount of attacks, but still had more fight in her._

_He was gone before she could blink, flashing directly behind her. Nanao barley managed a gasp of surprise before the cool press of steel at her throat and abdomen tucked her back against her captain. _

_His breath ghosted across her ear as he chuckled, nuzzling into her neck slightly. She suppressed a shiver._

_"Ah, Nanao-chan. Your slowing. Is it time to stop?" He asked, sounding arrogant having caught her off guard. He leaned against her from behind intimately and she froze. It was pretty typical of him do attempt gropes when he had her cornered, she should be used to it by now. But her body reacted the same every time._

_"Not yet." She said finally, just as arrogant. _

_"Do you have a plan of escape then?" He asked, his voice dropping to a deeper tone. The blade at her throat moved, forcing her chin to lift higher. It exposed more of her neck and the back of her head rested against his shoulder. _

_"Always." She answered, her hands landing lightly against his thighs. She pressed against his unyielding muscles, trying to push him back a bit, but he wouldn't budge. _

_"Your sure?" He asked, and she could hear the smile in his voice. The blade against her abdomen pressed her back into him more, and she felt his lips skim up the column of her neck lightly._

_"This is a hard one to get out of." He said casually, the blade at her throat pressing slightly harder against her skin to emphasize his words. She shivered, more from the movement of his lips against her neck as he spoke than from the blade. "We should make a wager, then."_

_"What's the stakes?" She asked, skeptical. She has lost many before this, and wasn't sure she should agree to any. Nanao knew he held back when they sparred, and whenever they made a wager he really wanted to win, he unleashed it on her. _

_No matter how sure she was she could win, she always lost, and he always won the wagers. _

_Some weren't bad, like having a drink with him, or going to dinner. Others, however, downright irked her. Like letting him have a week free of paperwork, or allowing all the sake he wanted in the offices for a month. _

_The worst was when she had to wear a damn pink, specially made haori for a day. It had been identical to his, only sized for her. She didn't leave her office until that particular wager timed out. He had gotten quite a kick out of it, and didn't leave the office the whole day either, just to laugh at her. And make remarks about how 'lovely' she looked in that color. The few division members who did see her that day, had perfect poker faces when they addressed her, as she turned her mighty glare at anyone who walked in the office. It had been awful. She told him she planned to torch the thing that evening, and her captain pouted. He told her he had been hoping she would wear it around her home, over her nightgown, so that she would think of him. She burnt it to ash after that comment._

_"A kiss." He said simply, and she stiffened instantly. He had never asked anything intimate like that of her in the past. "A willing kiss. Where you fully participate in the act."_

_"No." She said instantly._

_"No?"_

_"No."_

_"Why not, Nanao-chan?" He asked, truly curious. His head leaned back from her, thankfully freeing her of the brush of his stubble against her neck._

_"Because you always win." She stated, obviously._

_"Would that be such a bad thing? One kiss?" He asked, quieter._

_"Yes."_

_"Yes?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I have been told I'm a good kisser." He hedged. "It wouldn't be such an awful thing. I know you secretly would love a kiss."_

_"I'm not betting on a kiss, sir." She said, firmly. "You'll have to pick something else."_

_"But that's all I want." He pouted, even with her back turned to him she knew what his face looked like._

_"You can find someone else to kiss, I'm sure."_

_"I want to kiss you." He said, sounding serious suddenly. "Badly."_

_"No." She said, trying to sound firmer still. _

_"If you win, you wouldn't even have to worry about it." He wheedled, and she felt the blade easing off her skin slightly, the one at her abdomen as well. He was trying to trick her into thinking he was relaxing his stance, to make her think she had a chance to win, that she could take him off guard now. _

_Nanao knew all too well how he thought. The sparring they did together had honed her perfectly to his tricks. She wouldn't fall for it._

_"I'm still refusing the wager." She said, angry at her traitorous body that heated at the mere thought. _

_"Then kiss me anyhow." He said, the swords dropping from her all together. She was freed, could move away from him at will now. But Nanao couldn't make her foot take a single step, and Captain Kyouraku didn't back away from her an inch either._

_"No."_

_"No?"_

_"No."_

_"Tell me why. A good excuse, not any line about professionalism and work. I want to hear, from you, why not." He said._

_"Why are you doing this?" Nanao asked accidentally, she had never meant to voice that question. She cringed a bit, her tone had sounded a little raw. _

_He stepped around her then, coming face to face with her. He sheathed his swords, and she stared up into his dark gaze. His eyes were so sincere as he stared back at her._

_"You know why. You have always known." He said quietly, and her throat went dry instantly. Swallowing, Nanao looked away, breaking the spell he held her with his eyes. They didn't talk about their true feelings, both artfully danced around the subject. It was an unspoken understanding between them, however. _

_"Please look at me, Nanao-chan." His warm, calloused hand brushed over her cheek, turning her head back to him. When she met his eyes again, he smiled softly at her. "One kiss."_

_At her silence, he stepped into her, his eyes never leaving hers. Nanao knew she could have gotten out of it, she need only ask. But she stood still dutifully, betraying what logic told her not to give in to. _

_The hand on her cheek slid into her hair, griping her gently as the distance was closed._

_She inhaled sharply when his lips brushed against her own, but that didn't help her, as she only inhaled his scent deeper._

_Her whole body relaxed it's tense stance, melting a little at the contact. Her hands landed automatically against his chest, fisting in his clothing. _

_He let out a quiet moan as his firm lips continued their exploration over hers. The kiss went on, innocent and soft, and she felt time grinding to a halt around them._

_She felt his tongue slide against her then, and she knew she had to stop this now. It had gone too far as it is, and she couldn't let it go any more. She would be lost if she did. _

_Nanao jerked away instantly, and took several steps back away from him. She needed the distance, or she would never walk away. _

_She met his eyes, and they stared silently at one another for several moments. _

_He reached out a hand to her, opening his mouth to say something. _

_Without a word, Nanao turned and shunpoed all the way back to the compound. _

_That day was forever burned into her memory. She wondered now what would have happened if she had never left, if she had stayed. Whenever she revisited this spot, that day came to mind, always. It was so quiet and peaceful here, full of so many warm memories and laughter, like sunshine on her soul._

These days, however, it lurched her heart to come here, knowing she would spend the time alone. The pain took her breath away sometimes when she stepped into the field by herself.

She didn't know what had possessed her to come here today, but she had. She needed the clarity, she supposed. The facts to help solidify her knowledge. What she had felt in the Real World had rattled her to her core, and she needed to be grounded again to the truth.

She wasn't sure what happened, but she knew there was no way it had been Captain Kyouraku that day. The man had died in her arms, for god's sake. She had been there when his light extinguished, Nanao knew for certain that he was gone. There was no way possible she had felt him there.

But the truth of the thing was, she had felt him there.

The experience had been on the forefront of her thoughts all week. She had messed up several important papers, as her mind wondered off while she was at work.

She had also had to avoid her new Captains offers to lunch, or whatever other activity he could think up all week. He was concerned, she figured, and was trying to weasel information out of her.

There was no way she would tell him, or anyone for that matter, they would tell her she was crazy.

The worst part was, she was telling herself that already.

"You don't know?" Captain Ukitake's voice broke her from her thoughts, and she turned to him.

"No, I just felt…ill suddenly." She told the same lie to him she had told to Captain Abarai to explain her behavior that day in the Real World.

"Why did you decline to go back this weekend with Abarai-san then?"

"I don't want to go back. It was a terrible feeling." She said, honestly. "So I told him I didn't feel well today to avoid it all together. He went without me."

"It's not uncommon, you know." Captain Ukitake said, and she met his gaze, surprised. He smiled patiently at her. "You remember your early days in the Academy, right?"

"Yes." Nanao said. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Well, it was a while ago, but you may remember the sense of nausea often caused by the dimension shift?" He asked, and she realized he was explaining her symptoms to her. She suppressed a groan, and went with it. If he was doing this, he obviously bought her fib. "I figure that's what happened to you. You haven't been there in years, after all. It was basically new to you all over again. You should go back, it will pass the more you visit. It's is very common, don't let that scare you away. The Real World is an interesting place to go."

"Yes, well, I'm not a new student." Nanao said, feeling like she needed to defend herself here. She was well aware of the dimension skip, and had adjusted accordingly. But there was no way she was going back. What if that happened again? What if she had raced off after the passing feeling she had felt and made a total fool out of herself?

"I would never accuse you of being unprepared." He chuckled at her, and unfolded from his sitting position next to her. He stretched a moment, taking a deep breath of the fresh, wild air. "I'm just saying that your…much like the new recruits in that manner."

"I've got enough experience to handle that, sir." She tried not to sound defensive, but did anyhow. "And I'm not going back. This was a feeling I have no interest in revisiting." She clarified to him, and he looked back down at her. A warm smile lit his features.

"I never thought you to be scared off by something as simple as dimension sickness." He challenged, as he started to casually walk away from her.

"What!" She demanded, on her feet instantly as well.

"You surprise me is all." He waved nonchalantly, his back still to her. "I figured you to be more…direct with such a problem."

"Your baiting me." She accused, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Maybe so." He shrugged, the sun glinting off his white-silver hair with the movement. "Then again, I'm not the sly one here, am I?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" He was almost to the center of the field now, and she had to raise her voice so he would hear.

"It means, I'm not so easily fooled, either." She saw him turn his head and wink over his shoulder at her. "Quit telling stories, and quit running away from things. Whatever the truth is, you are better than that."

He vanished with a flash step and she felt like screaming.

He had known she was lying to him? Of course he did, it was stupid of her to even try. He was side by side with her previous captain through the years. He had been there as she grew up. He could read her well, and she snorted at herself for trying the same antics as she had used on Renji.

Worse, Captain Ukitake had played along, making her feel like a foolish, inexperienced new graduate. Which had irritated her, naturally. She had worked far too hard to be seen by others as incapable.

And he knew this, of course, and played on it in his favor.

Then, to ice the cake, he called her honor onto the table, forcing her to rise to the challenge presenting itself. Which backed her into a corner of proving herself.

_Damn him_, she thought, seething. Nanao had forgotten how smooth that man was.

If she didn't know him so well, if she had been anyone else, she would have stomped off to the Real World this instant to prove to herself she was no coward.

Gritting her teeth, she had to fight back the urge to do just that.

But, she was reasoning with herself, that's the reaction he wanted out of her. It was one of his natural mentor talents. He pushed people gently, with a steady hand, to do their best. He truly wanted people to reach their potential. It was a trait she adored in the silver haired man. It was a trait Captain Kyouraku had shared, the two of them together could make anyone do anything, and believe it was their own choice all along.

Letting out a frustrated breath, she glanced around the large field one more time. Her eyes softening as she did so, and a slight smile lifted her lips.

If she closed her eyes, she could imagine his deep laughter filling the nature-made arena. His presence lingered here more so than any other spot in all of Soul Society. This was where so many endless hours were spent together, testing and molding to one another.

Yes, she missed him tremendously.

If she thought back to that night in Urahara's shop, she could still feel the reatsiu pattering across her senses. It was there, she would swear it to the heavens. There was no mistake.

Yes, she would have sworn her soul that she had felt him a few days ago.

Nanao wondered if that scared her more than the thought that she had imagined the whole thing. She had nothing more to go on but those few fleeting moments.

Yes, if she knew there was truth behind that, she would be in the Real World, chasing after whatever wisp of his energy she could trace.

She squared her shoulders, and turned her head skyward, glaring at the dimming blue expanse above.

She would go back. It was decided. Whether it was the reatsiu she had felt, the shove Captain Ukitake gave, or the general need of a distraction, Nanao couldn't say.

Perhaps it was a mixture of all of those things, but she was not going to run from any issue.

OOOOO

Renji stubbed a toe, quite painfully for the third time this morning, as he rounded the corner. He let out a grumbled slew of curses and kept going down the hall. He had to start going to bed earlier, he thought grouchily.

A few young members walked by him, bowing in cheerful greeting. He nodded to them, and kept going silently.

Never a person who enjoyed being up this early, he tried to avoid people in general at this hour. For fear of what he would snap at them.

He hated Mondays. Passionately.

His weekends seemed to consist of too much sake lately, and too little sleep to boot.

He stumbled through the door to the office, half mumbling a greeting to his lieutenant out of habit, and headed straight for her special blend of hot tea waiting on his desk. The steam rose from it like a beacon promising caffeine.

He picked up the mug and flopped down in his chair.

The first sip was perfection every morning. Renji sat silently for a moment, swallowing as much of it as he could without burning his tongue to jump start his still hazy brain.

After a moment, he glanced over at his quiet office mate, her head was turned down as she read over some paper. The fine features of her face hidden by that strip of ink black hair that always hung down over her cheek. He had thought about Nanao frequently this weekend while he was at the Real World with his old friends. She was never far from his mind, and Renji was a little embarrassed to admit that to himself. He wasn't sure at what point she had come to take up a spot in his thoughts, but she had regardless. He remembered frequently how frightened she had looked, standing in the shop that day, trying to hold herself together. And it had called something protective out of him.

He took another swig, trying to brush those thoughts away. He always meant to ask what kind of tea it was that she made, but always forgot. It didn't really matter, he supposed. She was thoughtful enough to make it for him and always have it waiting when he arrived.

"Are you feeling better, Ise?" He asked, clearing his throat. His voice had come out a little more graveled than he thought it would.

"I was never sick, in all honesty, sir." Nanao sighed, setting the brush down and leaning back in her chair. She met his eyes levelly.

"Um," He said intelligently. He wasn't sure how to respond to that statement.

"I simply didn't want to go. I apologize for not being truthful from the beginning." She said, looking embarrassed.

"You could have just said so. I thought you had fun when we went?" Renji asked, taking another swallow of the hot brew.

"I did, very much. I would like to request another trip there whenever you would like to go again, sir."

The redhead processed this information, and nodded thoughtfully to her. " I go almost every weekend. Your always welcome."

"Thank you. I'd like to try again this weekend, then."

"What changed?" He asked, avoiding the subject of the bad episode she had last time.

"Captain Ukitake spoke with me." She said, noticing the flushed look on her captain's face. So HE was the one who had approached him about it, she thought wryly. "He pointed out that the dimension skip can cause the sudden onset of illness I had experienced. I'm better prepared now, and would like to give it another shot."

Nanao didn't add that she knew that was all a bunch of crap, or that it hadn't been the problem at all. She wanted Renji to believe it was a simple matter, and that it was resolved now, so that he would take her again. She needed to face this fear, or whatever it was. She had, in all honesty, had fun in the Real World.

"That was the problem then?" He asked, sounding pleased. It was a common thing, after all. Nanao said she hadn't been to the Real World in many, many years, so it made perfect sense now. He had been worried sick over her, but his mind was set at ease now.

"Yes." She said.

"This weekend then?" His voice sounded a bit hopeful, she thought.

"This weekend." She agreed, determined to jump this hurdle.

OOOOO

I hope this satisfied some of the reviews that wanted some Ukitake appearances? :)


	7. Unexpected

Touch the Horizon

Chapter Six: Unexpected

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

Nanao ducked her head, narrowly dodging the heavy bowl full of rice that sailed over her. A few gains sprinkled over her with the movement, and she turned her head to see where it would land.

The thing smacked into the wall behind her captain, as his reflexes with flying rice bowls seemed to be as good as hers.

"BAKA!" He roared, shooting to his feet, and pointing his finger at the man who had thrown the dish. Several tea cups spilled over as the movements rocked the table covered with their dinner. "YOU WERE AIMING FOR MY HEAD! THAT THING IS HEAVY!"

"YOU SHOULD SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" Ichigo roared back, also shooting to his feet.

"ARE YOU NUTS! YOU COULD HAVE SERIOUSLY INJURED ME!"

"YOUR TOO THICKHEADED TO GET HURT BY THAT!"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME THICKHEADED?"

"YES!"

They collided, shoving and shouting at one another heatedly. They slammed into the wall, cursing one another.

When a framed picture fell from the wall and broke, Nanao lifted her eyes to Rukia, who sat politely at the table still, across from her. The other girl had actually never stopped eating at all the commotion.

"Um…" Nanao didn't know what to say, really.

The other girl waved an unconcerned hand in the direction of the struggling men.

"This happens all the time." She offered. "I should have warned you."

"It would have been nice to have a heads up." Letting out a sigh, Nanao stood and began clearing the spilled dishes from the table.

"They will settle down in a few." Rukia chuckled. "I'm glad you came, Ise-san. It's nice to have new company around. Especially level headed ones."

Nanao nodded at her statement, carrying her handful to the kitchen. She didn't know Rukia well, other than seeing her around Captain Ukitake's division, which was like an extension to her own. He spoke highly of her, always. They didn't socialize, but Nanao knew of her. She had heard all the same tales as everyone else. It was hard not to have known anything about Rukia and Ichigo, when they played such a big part in Soul Society over the years. The girl was young, but regal in her own rite.

Nanao knew her captain and Rukia were close friends from childhood, as well as being close knit with Ichigo. The comradeship in the room among the other three was heavily noticeable.

Nanao didn't miss the steady, silent gazes that Rukia and Ichigo held with one another throughout their dinner. It surprised her, really. It was obvious they shared a deep love when you witnessed the way they moved around each other. Nanao had smiled to herself a little. It was the stuff of romance novels, really. A doomed, impossible love. She wondered if that made it all the more special to them.

Nanao was clearing the plates off, when she heard something else break in the other room, followed by a yelp of pain and cringed. Hard to say what that was broken now.

Having followed her agreement to come back to the Real World, her, Rukia, and Renji had arrived early this morning.

Today had been interesting, Nanao mused, she had felt the excitement from her last trip all over again. They had performed a little light hollow fighting, and a few soul burials, but otherwise had spent the day just hanging out. She had gotten to walk around and explore the new place a little more today, and was itching to do more of it. She glanced to the window, noticing it was probably about an hour till sundown.

Nanao had fretted off and on all week long in anticipation of the weekend trip, but had in the end swallowed her nervousness and done what she said she would. She had come here with her shoulders squared, ready for anything.

But the trip has been so far mostly quiet, and nothing out of the ordinary has happened. She was thankful, too, but still a little on edge.

Rukia walked into the kitchen then, also carrying an armload of dishes. Nanao quickly took several from her. From the sounds in the other room, the two men hadn't settled down just yet.

"I'll get the futon ready for you to sleep on tonight." Rukia said, as she started filling the sink with hot water. "Renji usually sleeps there, but he can sleep on the floor tonight."

Nanao raised an eyebrow at the amused look on the other girl's face, but didn't comment. The three seemed to share an unusual type of friendship, constantly trying to make one another irate in some way. She was surprised they didn't hate each other, from the things she had heard and seen them do throughout the day.

"I actually was wanting to head out for just a few hours yet. I passed a library earlier I'd like to go back to." Nanao said, glancing at the clock. She wouldn't be able to go to bed this early, not with the routine she's been so used to over the last several years. She needed a book to read until her eyes were tired, anyhow.

"Oh, yes, the University. It's close, just two blocks down from here. The Library is open to the public."

Nanao didn't know what a University was, but she nodded in agreement anyhow. "That's the place."

"Would you like me to go with you?" Rukia offered, sounding just as uncomfortable as Nanao at the request. The two were basically strangers, after all. Plus she was sure the girl wanted to spend her time here with Ichigo, she doubted they got much time together as it was.

"No, no. You have better things to be doing than going to a stuffy library." Nanao encouraged, noticing the other girl's relieved smile.

"I'm not a big reader. Except for mangas." Rukia said, looking a little embarrassed. Nanao didn't know what those were either, but nodded at her with a smile.

"It's fine. That's not a place to go if you don't enjoy reading. I'll be back in a few hours." Nanao slipped the strange, white confining shoes back on that she had been wearing today. Rukia had called them 'tennis shoes' and said they were a comfortable type for long periods of movement or sports. Nanao hadn't thought to ask about the restrictive nature of the clothing here, as the humans seemed to prefer fashion over practical. She just couldn't get used to the jeans.

"Are you sure you want to go by yourself? I don't want you to get lost…"

"I'll be fine." She assured the girl. She was a lieutenant, for god's sake, she thought to herself. What could possible happen that she couldn't handle? And finding her way back to them would be cake, with Ichigo leaking his pressure so much.

Without another word, and another loud crash from the other room, Nanao slipped out the door to head off by herself.

OOOOO

She flipped another page, and smiled to herself.

This was heaven, she thought, this Library was huge and filled with books and authors she had never heard of.

Nanao was truly at home surrounded by shelf after shelf of books waiting for her touch.

There were a number of students milling about, but the hush in the large room remained undisturbed as everyone respected the quiet reading atmosphere.

She had claimed a large square table in a corner to herself, and several tomes lay half open all around her, another small stack waited on the floor next to her chair.

She had been wanting some alone time in the Real World since she got here. When she had spotted the Library earlier, she knew it was the first place she wanted to go by herself.

"Excuse me, Miss?" The elderly man standing by her startled Nanao from her reading, and she jerked her head up to meet his eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but we will be closing in about fifteen minutes. Would you like me to check these out for you?" He gestured to the pile around her. She blushed a little at his humored expression.

"Ah, not all, no." She shuffled to her feet and began stacking them all. She separated three from the pile. "Just these for now, please."

"Of course. I'll meet you over by the main desk." He collected the books she had chosen to take and walked off.

Nanao spent the remaining fifteen minutes putting the rest back meticulously, she would sooner be locked inside than leave books out of order and in disarray. She held libraries in the highest esteem.

When she finished, she made her way to the desk, where the man waited patiently with a smile.

"Sorry if I'm holding you up." She said, glancing at the clock, surprised. It was almost 10 pm already. She felt like she had only been here for an hour, apparently she had been here for about four. She had read up on the modern era, learning as much as she could squeeze into the short time spent here. A fast learner by nature, that added up to be a lot of information.

"Not at all. We stay open late, several of the students have evening classes you see. Plus, I could tell you were immensely enjoying yourself. I didn't wish to bother you." He winked. "Your name and address, Miss?"

"Ise Nanao." She tried to think of the address, but doubted she ever knew it anyhow. "Err, I just moved here. I'm not familiar with my new address yet, I'm afraid."

The elderly man rang her through quickly, not blinking an eye when she couldn't produce identification, either.

"I trust you'll be back, so I'll let it slide." He grinned, handing her the sack with the books inside. She took it with a thankful smile towards him. She would have to ask Urahara about this identification this man needed, because she would certainly be back here many times. "They will be due back in a week."

"Thank you." She bowed, and walked towards the door. When she opened it, she got her second shock. A steady, unforgiving downpour of rain awaited her. People were running down the sidewalks, with newspapers over their heads, cars sloshed through huge puddles in the road. She could barley see to the other side of the street.

"Oh." The man's voice exclaimed behind her.

"I don't have far to go." She muttered. She'd be soaked to the bone after two blocks, no matter how fast she ran.

"Well, be careful, then." The man chuckled, patting her on the shoulder and turning back into the library.

Nanao let out a sigh. She tucked the sack into her coat to protect the books, and dashed into the downpour.

She focused on the blaze that was Ichigo, off to the east. She followed it, knowing she would be there soon. She wasn't far at all.

But something else lit up across her awareness then.

She didn't get a whole block covered, when she froze. People dashed past her, but she never noticed. The rain was cold, drenching her completely, her hair falling from it's clip in heavy, wet tendrils, her shoes were soaked already.

She reached a trembling hand to her face, removing her glasses. They were useless in this weather, the lenses obscured by the water anyhow.

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

It was there again.

That feeling, it was _him_.

Ichigo's pulsing energy forgotten, Nanao turned deftly on her heel, facing a new direction.

Her toes on the ledge of the sidewalk, she stood stock still, facing the road ahead of her.

She blinked at the rain in her eyes, squinting into the hazy dark surrounding her. A few cars rolled by, but her focus was on the other side of the road, where people moved about.

It was there, moving with the rest.

So close.

The street lamps on the other side illuminated little circles of the opposite sidewalk. She could make out pedestrians, but couldn't tell features well without her glasses and the added weather.

Nanao took a shuddering breath.

_Could it really be him? _She wondered, searching frantically the small crowds across the street.

She focused hard on the weak energy, pinpointing it, and narrowing it from the other people on the sidewalk.

There!

A figure moved among the others. She squinted harder, straining to see.

The man moved at an unhurried pace around the other's who ran past, seeking shelter. Her foot took an involuntary strep off the sidewalk onto the road as she spotted him.

Same easy gait, same large build. He wore a long dark coat, it swayed behind him with his steps. His back was to her, and he carried an umbrella which obscured his head from her already poor sight.

She watched, with muted fascination. It was him. She had no doubts. Even from her spot across the street, she would know his movements.

He stopped. She wondered if he had felt her eyes on him.

She took another involuntary step in his direction.

Turning slightly, the umbrella lifted and he peered out, right at her.

Nanao felt a lump rise in her throat.

She stared, stunned, at a face she thought she would never see again.

The man, who was most definitely Captain Kyouraku, stared straight back at her levelly. His expression unreadable, as his gaze bored into her own. He was frozen to the spot across the street from her, seemingly held by her eyes on his.

It was dark, it was pouring rain, and her glasses were off. But she would know this man blindfolded and drugged.

She griped the books to her tighter, for fear of dropping them when she fell off the earth. She felt the ground sucked out from under her, as the blood roared in her ears.

His eyes flickered to her side, and widened in what she thought seemed like fear.

Nanao snapped out of her state of pure, unrelenting shock by a blaring noise. A horn of some sort.

She jerked her head to the left, instantly shielding her eyes as she was blinded by the brightness of the headlights of one of the cars on the road. The tires screeched loudly, and it fishtailed on the pavement as it tried to stop.

It was going to hit her, she realized.

That thought floated through her mind only seconds before it made a painful contact with her body.

Or so it felt like the car, slamming into her with such force, she was swept clear off her feet and thrown back off the road. She grabbed on to whatever had hit her out of reflex, shocked to feel a solid warm source under her hands.

She tumbled backwards, another body covering her own, as she landed hard against the ground, the car screeching by only a moment later.

The wind was knocked from her lungs, the back of her head cracked against the sidewalk when she hit, bursting her vision into a swimming sea of stars. She felt her motor skills slowing at the hit on the head.

She blinked furiously, trying to regain her composure.

That was nothing, she argued with her murky thoughts. She has taken hits worse than that a million times.

But the gigai she was in worked as a human body substitute, reacting as a human would to such trauma. She could feel the warm blood at the back of her head, as the pain of the cut there made itself known.

She heard voices, some shouting. She heard a siren of some sort.

Laying on her back, the rain was being shielded by whoever hovered over her, Nanao opened her eyes sluggishly. The wet, gray expanse of sidewalk met her vision. There were people standing around her, she couldn't make out anything that was being said, though.

One voice stood out from the others. It beckoned her, calling to her. It was like deep, rich honey to her senses.

Even if she couldn't make out the words, the voice alone could probably get her attention anywhere.

It was _his _voice.

And laying close to her head, was an umbrella that looked like it had seen better days.

Not to mention, it was pink.

At that realization, Nanao slipped into a dark void.

OOOOO

"What do you mean, she left?" Renji yelled, angry with his friend for not telling him before his lieutenant disappeared off into a strange world.

Rukia looked up from the sink full of dishes, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Just what I said, moron."

"How could you let her leave?"

"She's a grown woman, not a child." Rukia reminded, surprised at how the redhead seemed truly angry with her. "She wouldn't get lost, the Library is right down the road. She seemed like she wanted to go alone anyways, I did offer to go."

"You should have told me!" He snapped, furious. He grabbed up his coat, pushing past Ichigo as the man walked into the kitchen.

"What's the yelling about?" He asked, looking between the two shinigami.

"Renji is having one of his mood swings." Rukia supplied, helpfully, turning back to the dishes.

"I am NOT!" He snapped at her back. She shrugged a dainty shoulder in reply. "SHE let Ise go out alone, HOURS ago, apparently!"

"So?" Ichigo asked, failing to see the problem with it either.

"SO!" Renji could strangle someone. "I'm going to go find her! Look what time it is!"

"She's not a kid." Ichigo pointed out, and Rukia snickered.

"You two were meant for each other." He accused, jerking his shoes on.

"Wait!" Rukia whirled around, hands dripping suds. "You…!"

"What?" He snapped at her, impatiently.

"You…LIKE her, don't you?" Rukia stared at him with a look of astonishment at her discovery.

"What! No!" Renji was quick to deny, turning away from her. But Rukia knew him better than anyone, and wasn't fooled.

She didn't say anything more, as the man left and slammed the door behind him.

OOOOO

Ok, so I know this is a cliffhanger, and I hate when I read them myself, but it was a good stopping point. I have a lot of development to throw together in the next chapter, and didn't want to stop it in the middle.

So, apologies for the short chapter, and the ending.

Thanks again to the reviewers, its always appreciated! :)


	8. A Strange Reunion

Touch the Horizon

Chapter Seven: A Strange Reunion

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

The first thing she became aware of, in the darkness between awake and dreams, was a pulsing sharp pain in her head. It was dull, but there enough to rouse her from her sleep. She pushed past it, forcing herself to shake off the fog and wake up.

Nanao groggily opened her eyes, meeting the white expanse of ceiling overhead. Her eyebrows furrowed, as confusion settled in.

She wondered where she was, and what the heck they had given her. There was the rolling feeling of a pain killer coursing through her thoughts, making her attention to details slower then usual.

She felt out the area, only picking up on her Captain, who must be close if her senses weren't too muddled.

She relaxed automatically at the feel of him. If he was close, all was well and she could safely slip back into the slumber that called to her strongly.

Her eyelids fluttered shut, and she pulled at the blankets to cover herself more. They were stuck on something, though, and didn't come up any higher.

Come to think of it, she did feel a dip in the mattress. Was someone on the bed?

_Probably Captain Kyouraku anyhow_, Nanao thought. The man had no personal boundaries after all.

_Oh well_, she thought fuzzily. Sleep claimed her slowly anyway. Whatever they gave her was nice, at any rate.

"Why would such a pretty girl read such boring material?" Captain Kyouraku's deep voice asked, sounding as if he were musing to himself rather then expecting an answer.

She snorted at him, as this wasn't the first time he had asked such a question. He was always swiping her books, and replacing them with either poetry or some awful, lemony romance novel.

"Maybe you should try a new taste in reading material yourself, sir. As your own collection is seriously lacking anything that qualifies as good reading material." She mumbled, turning her face to burrow into the fluffy pillow more. Snuggling down into the warm bed, she let out a content sigh. Sleep is what she wanted right now, not a debate.

But…She had the strangest feeling she was forgetting something. It washed from her thoughts too quick to concentrate on, however.

"Your awake." He said, sounding pleased. "And don't call me 'sir' it makes me feel like an old man."

She almost snickered at the age old argument. Her calling him 'sir' was always a source of his complaints.

Nanao heard a page turn, and her eyes napped back open instantly, accompanied by her adrenal glands kicking in.

_This isn't right, this isn't…where am I?_

She stared at the wall in front of her vision, afraid to look at the source of the voice next to her. She bit down on her trembling lip, as her focus sharpened. Her heart was pounding suddenly. Was she dreaming? Would she wake up if she looked?

"And you insult my tastes in books, too?" He chuckled, and something lurched in her chest at the sound. It was the familiarity of the noise, the easy feeling that went with the light hearted laughter that was his.

Steeling herself, Nanao turned her head, slowly as her headache still pounded, and her eyes traveled to the man sitting on the bed by her hip.

He was dressed in the same style of strange clothing that she had witnessed men wearing in the Real World. He looked very relaxed, not seeming uncomfortable by the fact he was sitting on a woman's bed while she slept. He had one of her books from the library in his hands, skimming over the page.

Nanao's heartbeat picked up another notch, she felt like she should either scream her head off, or grab him up in a bone crushing hug. She wasn't sure which, so she settled for staring at him.

He glanced over, flashing her an easy smile, before returning his gaze to her book.

"Theories of Electromagnetism." He quoted the title, making his voice sound like a stuffy professor might. "Honestly, how can you read this stuff? I don't even understand a single sentence so far."

She watched him silently, taking him in. His eyes danced with amusement as they looked over the pages.

Her eyes were wide, and a little wild. The memories of her last conscience moments filtered through her thoughts, and she tried hard to piece the previous night together. The effects of whatever drug she was on made it hard, and she felt the headache intensify from the efforts.

She mentally ran down a list of events she remembered. It had been dark when she left the Library, she had her books tucked against her chest, it had been raining, there was so much rain, and she was scanning the other side of the street, looking for someone, and…and….

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, covering her face with her hands, and letting out a whimper.

_This is a dream, this is a dream, this is only a dream….He can't be here._

She repeated the mantra over and over, waiting to really wake up.

"Hey, easy. Are you feeling alright?" His concerned voice almost had her come undone. She felt his fingertips brush her arm lightly. She was shocked to feel the sensation, as she was busy trying to convince herself this was a dream. She jerked back from his touch as if he had burned her.

"Are you real?" She whispered shakily, in a muffled voice. With tremendous effort, she moved her hands away and opened her eyes again. She met his as he hovered over her. They were wrong, so much darker than the deep honey color she knew so well. They weren't the right color, on a face that was his through and through.

"Of course." He said, his features were molded into a concerned look she knew well. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Don't be afraid of me. I'm not a scary guy."

He leaned back, worried he was crowding her by the look she was giving him. He smiled at her reassuringly, but got no different of a response. She was so still, staring at him with a nameless expression. Her little hands were white knuckled as she griped the sheets tightly.

Her eyes swept over his face, desperately trying to understand what was happening.

It was Captain Kyouraku, but he was subtly different. His hair hung loose, and was shorter. It was a darker shade, as well, hanging in thick waves that only reached his shoulders. He was clean-shaven as she had never seen him before, only a light five o'clock shadow dusted over his angular jaw.

"I didn't mean to startle you." He said quietly, sitting back more. She still didn't speak, and she looked so frightened he regretted being so close when she woke up.

"H-how could you not startle me?" Nanao whispered, the hint of panic coloring her voice. She shoved to a sitting position hastily, ignoring the headache all together. She scooted until her back was against the wall at the head of the bed, eyeing him in her stiff posture. "What…what's going on?"

He looked a little confused by her words, but only smiled again at her.

"Do you remember what happened last night? You were almost hit by a car." His voice was a tone someone would use on a terrified animal, she thought stupidly. She had heard that tone many times, mostly when he was defusing a bad situation. It was soothing, and had the desired effect she supposed. She tried to calm down a little, as he didn't seem like she would get answers if he thought she would bolt at any moment.

"Yes." She said, unable to look away from him now. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to be sure he was solid, and she wasn't going insane. Nanao fisted her hands tighter in the blankets to stop herself. "Am I in the 4th then?"

"The 4th what?" He asked, looking confused again. She eyed him warily, before finally glancing around the room. From the looks of the room, it had to be the 4th.

"Division, obviously." She clarified, starting to get an uneasy feeling. Something about him wasn't right. This whole thing wasn't right. There were too many little things out of place, all these little differences. The changes in his appearance, the way he talked to her. He was talking to her as if she were anyone else, polite and laced with humor. It was wrong, all of it.

It was him…but somehow wasn't at the same time.

She felt him out again, tasting the distinguishing energy flow of his spiritual pressure. It was his, it was the specific feel of his alone. It was weak, so much weaker than she had ever felt it, even when he repressed it tremendously. But it was still his.

What the hell was going on here?

"You were brought to the hospital." He said, calmly. He shifted slightly where he sat, seemingly uncomfortable suddenly. Nanao wondered if he had noticed the spiritual groping she just performed on him, but he seemed to relax again when she withdrew. The old him would have jumped all over such an opportunity to blow her actions out of proportion and insist that she wanted a piece of him for the next two weeks.

She waited for this strange version of her captain to comment, but he only shook off his look of confused discomfort, and continued on. "The nurse gave you something for pain a little while ago, while you were still asleep. Maybe that's why your having a bit of confusion?"

She stared at him hard then, unable to stop her jaw from dropping open a little.

"You think I'M confused?"

"Well, I figure your just a little out of sorts, waking up in a strange place with a strange man next to you. And the added medication probably didn't help."

Nanao was struck silent for several moments.

"Out of sorts." She echoed after a while, piecing together his words then. "Strange man…"

"Well, not too strange." He winked.

"Do…do you know who I am?" She whispered, as realization hit her then. The answer slid into place like a puzzle piece, and she was surprised she didn't catch on sooner. She wondered what kind of sick, twisted fate would bring her to this point.

"I would certainly like to." He said, grinning his blinding smile at her then. For once, it didn't make her melt, she was too focused on the enormity of her understanding.

It was all falling into place now.

"You…" She felt as if someone pulled a plug, as if the very life force was draining out of her then. She felt like a boneless heap suddenly, who could slip right off the bed and onto the floor fluidly. Feeling deflated, Nanao turned her head away from him then. "…don't know me…"

"Are you sure you feel ok?" His hand lifted as if to reach out to her, but it froze before he ever made contact. This version of him wasn't as touchy, she thought with a light sniff, he had some sense of personal space.

"Yes. I'm alright." She whispered hoarsely.

She couldn't face this. This was similar to having him die in her arms, this feeling. The lump rose in her throat so fast she almost sobbed. Nanao tramped down the strong, ridiculous urge to cry her eyes out.

This was a cruel, sick joke the universe was playing on her. If she had been somewhere alone when this realization hit, she would have completely lost control of her self. The thought of civilians being injured forced her to get a handle on herself a little, even now she had to struggle to reign in her blazing reatsiu.

He was given back to her. The one person she would have done anything to have back. The man she missed with every fiber of her being, and he was given back to her.

But…it wasn't that simple. It wasn't so cut and dry as to have him, with no strings attached. If only it were.

He didn't know her.

Of course he wouldn't.

He had been reborn to this world, a new man all together.

None of their lifetime together was in any parts of his memories now.

That man was gone. The one she wanted, and needed, back was gone. He had died, thirty odd years ago.

This was not HER Captain Kyouraku.

His soul resided in this new man, but not his memories.

He was a whole new person. He was human.

And this man never knew her.

She was little more than a stranger to him, sitting on this bed.

She didn't realize the tears ran hot down her cheeks until she felt his large hands on her shoulders. His touch made them come faster, and she felt like something inside her was cracking.

_This is so unfair. _She thought, miserably. _What have I done to deserve this?_

"Your not alright at all." He said firmly, when she feebly tried to push him away. She was pulled to his chest before she could resist, his thick arms wrapping around her too quick before she could move away.

As her head laid against him, the only thing she could think was that she should feel the warm expanse of his exposed skin. But this man wore his shirt properly, and all she felt was fabric against her cheek.

"Please…" She struggled in his embrace, but he only tightened his hold around her. It was ripping her in two, having to be in his arms again. It was the sickening sense of false hope that was killing her. The thought that this WAS him, when in fact it was not.

Exhaustion, mental and physical, made her movements sluggish, as her body automatically relaxed into him. She caught herself pulling him closer, instead of shoving him away, and cried even harder.

"It's alright. Whatever is wrong, it will be alright." He whispered into her hair, his voice soothing and honest. Her forehead pressed against his chest, Nanao slumped against him in resignation. Her tears were still silently rolling down her cheeks, but the sobbing came to a slow halt. His arm around her lower back loosened a little, when he realized she had quit fighting him.

This was such a Kyouraku thing to do, she thought sadly, comfort a woman he didn't know. He never could stand tears. A woman crying had him at her mercy.

It took everything she had not to simply hug back, to bury her face in his neck and breath him in. It was what she had been wishing for all along, another chance to see him, to have him, just for a moment. She had cried her heart out over the years, begging whatever deities were listening to just rewind time back before there was a world without Captain Kyouraku.

But her mind, her jumbled stormy mind, knew this wasn't the man she thought it was. It felt like him, and it was hard to fully convince herself that this was an all together new person.

She straightened a little, pushing back from his embrace then. He allowed it, but didn't let go of her.

Her watery violet eyes gazed into the deep, dark depths of his for several long moments.

Neither one of them broke the silence, and he somehow understood something important was being evaluated.

Her reatsiu wrapped around him of its own accord, and she saw the small shiver that ran over him with the action.

She wondered if he remembered her, even just a little. A foggy dream, maybe. As she watched him look at her, she thought she saw several emotions flicker through those new, expressive eyes. He was confused, but intrigued. He was drawn to her, his actions proved as much. She saw the intelligence he possessed, she knew he was still quick in his assessments by the way he studied her.

And then, there was a flash of something in those dark depths that almost took her breath away.

Somewhere deep inside of this man, rested the slumbering soul of her previous captain. It was a caged dragon deep inside, blindingly bright and powerful. A sleeping giant. She could feel the force of his locked up energy pressing against its confinement now that she found it.

Nanao leaned back from him, putting more distance between them. She wondered what he saw in her a moment ago during their silent exploration. She knew he had just evaluated her just as thoroughly and wanted to laugh. He knew her better than anyone, and here he was trying to figure her out.

She pulled back her reatsiu then, untangling it from his own embarrassingly. She was glad he didn't know about these things, because that would be an awkward moment. That kind of an invasion was rather personal. She caught the shifting in his reatsiu in response to her pulling back, as it swirled restlessly.

"Feeling better now?" He asked quietly, and she smiled tenderly back at him. It may not be the man she knew, but he was damn close. She realized how much better she felt, knowing he was alive and apparently well somewhere in the world.

Even if it wasn't in her's.

"Yes, much better now. I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you." She said softly, looking down to escape his eyes. "And thank you for bringing me here."

"No inconvenience." He waved off lightly. She glanced up, at the more serious tone of his voice. A heartwretchingly sweet smile graced his features. "I honestly didn't mind at all. What's your name? We haven't even introduced ourselves yet."

"Look, I-" She began, but the door suddenly slammed open behind them and banged loudly against the wall.

Captain Kyouraku was on his feet in an instant, putting himself between her and the angry redhead who had burst into the room. He wasn't in a fighting stance, rather a casual posture she knew meant he was ready for anything. More familiar movements. It made the lump rise again in her throat.

"Ise, Damnit!" Renji snapped, his face flushed slightly. She peeked around the man standing guard between them to meet his furious eyes. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

OOOOO

Ah, Renji…tactful as always.

Ok, this took a while to get out and I apologize. I've been busy with a move, and all the joys that go along with that. If it makes anyone feel better, the next few chapters are done so they wouldn't take so long to get out.


	9. Left Behind

Touch the Horizon

Chapter Eight: Left Behind

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

Nanao winced at the loudness of Renji's outburst, and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to release the sudden tension of the headache he just brought on. The yell added with the bang from the door jolted her brain, and reminded it to throb apparently.

"Please keep your voice down, sir." She said, as the throbbing picked up the pace in her skull. How hard had she hit the pavement anyhow? She ended up closing her eyes, as even the light from the hallway was making it more intense.

Renji ignored her discomfort and the other man completely, assuming it was just some doctor.

He focused solely on his lieutenant, who sat in a hospital bed, of all places. He had been so worried something had happened, that she was lost or hurt too badly to return on her own. They had searched high and low for her, eventually splitting up to cover more ground. He had finally felt a burst of her pressure a few blocks back.

After just having ran all the way here, arguing with pushy nurses to get to her room, and now seeing she was in fact hurt, Renji was pissed. Mostly at Rukia for allowing the whole situation to happen, but at himself and Nanao as well. Why would she leave to wonder around a completely new environment alone, anyhow?

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW-" He started, and made to brush by the reincarnated captain to yell at her some more, but a large hand on his chest stopped him in his tracks. He stumbled back a step from the unexpected restriction.

"Slow down there. That's no way to act in front of a lady." The voice was calm, but firm as steel.

Renji stared down at the hand on his chest, stunned silent by the gesture. Since he had earned Captain status, he wasn't used to anyone randomly putting their hands on him. Or getting in his way, for that matter. He was seeing red suddenly, his temper soaring to new heights. Who the hell did this guy think he was, anyhow?

"Classy worded jerk, are ya? Look, bud, this isn't your business. And if you don't get your damn hand off…" He knocked the hand away and when he turned his glare up to the taller man's face, his words failed him. "…me…sir?" The last few words came out in a squeak.

"What's with everyone calling me that today?"

Nanao saw Kyouraku's stance relax when Renji stopped showing any signs of a threat. In fact, Renji looked more like a teenager who just met a celebrity. The redhead stared, wide eyed and open mouthed at the other man. She would have laughed at his expression if the situation wasn't so depressing. He looked just as shocked as she had felt when she saw him too.

"Wha…" Renji stammered intelligently.

"Just calm down a bit. The lady here has been through a lot in the last day."

His path fully blocked from his lieutenant, Renji continued to stare at a face he was trained to look upon with utter respect. He straightened his back automatically out of habit, and swallowed nervously. He had to fight back the urge to bow and apologize.

After a moment, he managed to tear his eyes away and look past the man in front of him at Nanao sitting on the bed. She stared back, looking a little embarrassed.

"Ise…"

"I know." She nodded at him, fidgeting with the sheet in her lap. This whole thing was turning into a bit of a mess, she thought.

Captain Kyouraku glanced at her over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. "You know this guy, I take it?"

"Yes. It's fine, he's fine I mean." She managed, and he moved to the side to let Renji pass by him.

Renji however, remained where he was, still stunned. He eyed the taller man up and down, then glared at Nanao, hoping she could explain what was going on. He had attended this man's funeral for god's sake.

She remained silent however, avoiding his eyes, and not offering any information, and that only irritated him more.

"You plan on telling me what's going on here, Ise?" He asked suddenly, letting out a sigh. He crossed his arms over his chest, and nodded toward the other man. "Like…am I missing some big secret here? Is this some undercover thing I don't know about?"

Nanao shook her head at him and gave him a stern look, hoping he got the message to stop talking about this right now.

She then turned to face Captain Kyouraku, or whoever he was now. She met his dark eyes once again and realized he had been gazing at her intently. He was watching her, gauging her reaction to Renji's appearance if she had to guess. He was overprotection personified.

Nanao found herself forgetting her new captain was even in the room, the more she looked into those darker eyes. They were much more expressive than the amber ones she had been so used to. She could easily read the intensity in him now, the fire, the quick wits. The world was tunneling around her, and he was becoming the focal point. Which, was basically the usual reaction she used to get with him in the past.

But…_this_ wasn't _him_, was it?

Her chest lurched painfully again as the thought crossed her mind. Nanao had a hard time making herself believe it wasn't really him, when he stood looking at her the way he did. It was so similar to the intense stare of the man she once knew.

"I think some kinda damn explanation is in order!" Renji snapped, breaking the silent moment between the two. He was feeling left out of the loop here, and was wondering what the punch line was. They were totally ignoring him! And he would be damned if he didn't get some answers here. He was talking to a dead man, so obviously someone needed to explain something. Was there some kind of top secret operation going on that no one ever informed him about or what?

He felt a little betrayed suddenly, that if there was some big secret here his own lieutenant had been keeping it from him so well all this time. He wanted answers. He didn't want to be the only one not in on whatever the hell was going on.

First and foremost, obviously, why was this Captain, who was supposed to be long dead, standing here right now?

"Now, Ise!" He snapped when no one piped up to his first request. He was avoiding Captain Kyouraku's gaze, and staring intently at Nanao over his shoulder.

"Manners." The man in question reminded, and shot him a bit of a warning glare at his tone.

It effectively wiped the angry look Renji was giving Nanao right off his face. He cleared his throat, eyeing Kyouraku uneasily, shifted slightly where he stood.

"Sorry. I'm just pissed, ya know? I'm obviously surprised to see you-"

"-Not right now, sir. Please. I will explain when we leave here." Nanao cut in.

Renji shot her another look but she ignored it. She couldn't discuss it with Captain Kyouraku standing here. Once they left, she would tell him everything, but they couldn't do it now.

She blinked suddenly, surprised to feel the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She would have to leave him, wouldn't she? Of course she would, he was human now. She had to go back, and let him be a human. Without her. He had a new life here, with no wars or death, a new life that he most likely enjoyed. She had no right to interrupt that.

He looked well dressed and healthy, no hidden burdens in his dark eyes. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. This version of her caption hadn't faced years upon years of loosing friends, of killing enemies, of trying like hell to sleep at night with all the chaos churning through his thoughts. This man didn't drowning his sorrows in sake, numbing the bitter slices of life he had lived through. His face wasn't lined with the stress, his eyes glowed brighter than she ever saw when he was a part of her past.

No, she decided. _This_ man was happy, and he had certainly earned the right to continue on like this. Ignorance was bliss, apparently.

She felt the burning sinus feeling of new tears starting up again, and quickly tried to turn her thoughts elsewhere. Yes, he certainly earned it. She would leave here and let him be. She had gotten her wish, after all, to see him once again. Now she had to let him go. Again.

"Tense in here, eh? Lover's quarrel?" Kyouraku asked good naturedly when silence stretched in the room, and her eyes had turned sad again. He was confused, but knew these two obviously had some communication they needed to sort out. Something told him her sadness had nothing to do with the redhead, but it bothered him regardless. She looked so fragile to him suddenly, and he had to fight the urge to sooth her. Instead, he tried to pull her focus elsewhere. He was wondering if he should just leave. She had someone here who she knew to take her home now, really she didn't need some stranger hanging around anymore.

But he just couldn't bring himself to leave the girl yet. He felt an irresistible pull to her, like being next to her was the most natural thing in the world. He felt the whole atmosphere change with her so close, this strange girl.

"Hardly." She snorted, glaring right back at Renji who was still giving her dirty looks. He reminded her so much of a child having a fit sometimes.

"And do you just call everyone 'sir'? If so, I don't feel so old now from your slip earlier." He was pleased the sad look on her face had passed.

She tried not to crack a smile at him, as he sounded so much like his previous self in this moment.

"He's…my boss." She offered lamely, meeting Renji's eyes meaningfully across the room to make sure he would keep his mouth shut. Hopefully he was smart enough to catch on that this wasn't who he thought it was. It had taken her longer than necessary to understand it, but Renji didn't have his heart tangled up with it. Maybe he would come to the conclusion she failed to see without anyone telling him.

"Ah, angry boss. I certainly know that feeling." The man nodded, seemingly happy with this explanation. And strangely relieved it wasn't a romantic tie of any sort. He couldn't explain that thought, so he brushed it aside for later consideration.

Something about this girl had him coiled tighter than a spring, and he felt the most absurd urges. Like wanting to chastise her for foolishly stepping into traffic and getting hurt; or the more violent urge of throwing the redhead out forcefully for upsetting her. It made no sense, she would most certainly not appreciate those actions, but he couldn't help it.

Was this some mid-life crisis kicking in, he wondered. No, it was much deeper rooted, he felt like he was forgetting something important here. Something huge, that tied all the loose ends together neatly and made everything make perfect sense. It was such a strange feeling, and he tried hard to remember what it was he was obviously forgetting but it was lost to him. He would defiantly need to figure out what had gotten into himself when he got home.

"Yes…AND, your rather late. For work, obviously. So, get your shit and let's go." Another look from the Kyouraku-look alike and Renji finished lamely, "If…you don't mind, of course…"

"Of course." She said quietly, and pushed the blankets away. Her clothes were wrinkled from having slept in them, and her hair was freed from it's customary clip.

She couldn't care less for once, those were minor details now. She was always so meticulous about her appearance, but right now with the world having felt like it flipped, she just started glancing around the room for her shoes.

Having Captain Kyouraku standing next to him with her in the room made Renji feel like a subordinate to them both. A third wheel, even. Renji felt that if he ordered her to leave right now, she would probably turn to Kyouraku and ask permission. Most likely not even out loud, they would just share one of their stupid silent looks and she would know her answer.

Renji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Why was he so pissed off, anyhow?

The last 24 hours were mostly to blame, he figured. He had been picturing every possible worse case scenario for why Nanao never returned, and had worked himself into a panic. He would never forgive himself if she was hurt badly or even killed because he was too busy arguing with Ichigo to notice she slipped out the door.

Opening his eyes again, he looked at the two of them. Nanao had began to get up out of bed, but swayed a little. Captain Kyouraku steadied her quickly with a hand on her elbow.

"Feeling alright?" He asked her, and she nodded back. "Sure you should leave right now? Maybe wait for the doctor to check you over?"

Renji didn't miss the meaningful look he shot at him over Nanao's shoulder. He was mad, most likely that he was asking her to leave when she wasn't all together just yet.

"Really, I'm…alright. I just stood up too quick. Dizzy. From standing too quick." Renji couldn't remember her ever rambling. He was used to her straightforward, simple answers. She was precise, she didn't stammer over her words. He watched as the other man looked over her features closely, before letting her arm go. She took a few steps over to the wall where her shoes sat on the floor just fine, without stumbling.

Renji didn't miss the way Captain Kyouraku watched her every move, either. It was unnerving, really, to see two people so focused on each other. Nanao was not cold and distant with this man, not like she is around everyone else. He remembered seeing the two of them over the years around the divisions, and they were practically inseparable then.

Renji thought of the flimsy bond they built together only recently as Captain and lieutenant. It was new, fresh, and severely underdeveloped.

These two, however? Even in the academy he had heard stories told about the two of them, and their fierce loyalty to one another. He was also in debt to Captain Kyouraku and Captain Ukitake for the part they played in saving his friend. And he remembered the day he had accompanied Rukia to the 8th Division offices, after the execution mess. She had wanted to personally thank him, and he had simply brushed off her formal thanks with an easy joke and offered the two of them a drink. Which Nanao had quickly reprimanded him for. Now that he thought about it, Nanao had stood against the Soutaicho alongside her captain for that ordeal. That alone spoke volumes of her loyalty to him. Renji didn't stand a chance of her accepting him fully has her captain now, or maybe ever.

He knew right now, with that man in the room, his words held no weight with her. It irritated him, it was frustrating beyond belief, but there was nothing that could be done for it. He felt uncertain and insecure for the first time in years suddenly.

"I'll wait out in the hall." Renji mumbled, turning on his heel to leave. He felt too out of place around them, and it was just uncomfortable. He still wanted some answers, but she made it clear she wasn't giving him any until they left.

Not to mention, Captain Kyouraku was acting kinda strange, wasn't he? Renji's eyes traveled over the man one last time before he walked out the door. Hell, the man even looked different. Something wasn't right about him, but he supposed he would just wait for Nanao to explain.

He closed the door behind him, leaning against the wall to wait on his lieutenant. A few nurses in the hallway shot him wary looks. His tattoos always did that to people, not to mention his suddenly foul mood. He was sure they could feel his temper steaming around him. Sighing, he continued to wait.

Nanao slipped her shoes on, one hand on the wall for support. She wasn't terribly dizzy, more like the sensation came and went with sudden movements. She kept her movements slow, moving about gathering her things.

She felt eyes on her, but kept her back turned to the other man in the room. She wasn't ready to face another goodbye with him just yet.

Renji had excused himself, and now she was alone again with this new version of her previous captain. She was feeling a little at a loss.

She picked the glasses up off the table and put them on. Adjusting them more than necessary, childishly avoiding facing him still. She then bent down and picked up the books, arranging them in her arms for a ridiculous amount of time, as well.

"You know…" His voice startled her, as he was closer than she had thought, but she kept her back to him, standing still. "I didn't peg you as a girl who avoids an awkward situation."

She let out a sigh and stared at the wall hard. He was always too observant for his own good. Even this version of him.

"Your right. I'm not usually like this. It's been…a strange few days." She admitted, finally turning to face him. She cradled the books to her chest, they gave her something to hold on to. Squeezing them tightly to avoid reaching out to him. She had to say goodbye now, but even the thought of it made her feel sick.

He looked back down at her evenly, with a look that clearly said he knew she was being evasive. And she lost her voice once again. His facial expressions were too identical, it made her breath catch.

She needed to go, or she might have another breakdown.

They stood so close, but Nanao felt so far away from him suddenly. She stared for several moments into his dark eyes, and traced over every detail of his face for the last time. They were lifetimes apart now.

Her next words came out as little more than a sad whisper. "Thank you again. For everything. You'll never know how much it has all meant to me, sir. And, this may not make any sense to you, but I want you to know that I forgive you. I…just needed you to know that."

His features turned into a mild surprise, but he said nothing in response, only continued to watch her. He looked as if he wanted to say something, as if it were on the tip of his tongue.

But he remained silent, and Nanao nodded at him by way of parting.

She moved around him then, walking towards the door.

Every step felt like torture, she felt the very atmosphere around her protesting her movements, tugging at her. As if chains of steel pulled her back to where he stood.

She even felt the restlessness of his own meager reatsiu flaring up. It was an instinctual reaction on his part, one he had no conscience control over. To her, it was a small show of proof that on some level, he recognized her.

She forced herself to ignore all of that, though. Because it wasn't enough, it still wasn't him.

She kept going, and when her hand touched the doorknob, she didn't hesitate to turn it. To walk away. To leave him behind, to live this new life of his. To remain happy an oblivious.

Her grasp on the cold doorknob was bone crushing, as she was trying to prevent her hand from trembling. Just as she was about to open it, one word stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Nanao-chan…"

Her breath caught in her throat, and the world around her cracked and crumbled. She could almost hear the shattered pieces crashing to the floor all around her.

She whirled around, blinking tears from her eyes.

"What…what did you call me?"

He smiled at her a little, looking sheepish.

"I…honestly don't know where that came from. You never told me your name, and that…just seemed to come out. Sorry." He offered by way of explanation. He looked a little embarrassed, she thought. She stared at him, stunned. Her heart slammed in her chest, and she couldn't move an inch from where she stood, she felt frozen by that one simple name.

"I don't want you to leave without telling me how I can reach you."

Nanao squeezed her eyes closed.

"_Nanao-chan…" _

She was sure she would hear the hesitant voice in her head for weeks to come. How could he remember that?

"You can't." Nanao bit her lower lip, and choked on the sob she was suppressing. "Reach me, I mean. I have to go."

"Your sad again." He said quietly, taking a few steps towards her. She stopped him by holding out a shaking hand to halt his advance. If he came any closer, she would never leave.

"Please, I…" She sniffed, as the tears were winning the battle. "Goodbye."

With that she fled out the door, passing Renji but not stopping.

She ran down the halls, tears streaming from her cheeks.

She didn't even slow down when she burst out the exit door, just kept running. She had to get away now, as far as she could, or she would never have the heart to do so.

Renji watched her take off and furrowed his brows in frustration. He had just found her, damnit, now he would have to track her down yet again.

Captain Kyouraku stepped out of the room next, and looked both ways trying to catch a glimpse of the girl, but she was already gone. The redhead didn't need to be an expert to figure the man had said something to upset her. Which was nothing new with those two, if memory had served him correct.

"Way to go." Renji muttered angrily, pushing away from the wall and walking off in the direction she had went. "Now I have to start all over."

"Wait, can you tell me how I can find her? I know it's a strange question, but I…just want to talk to her again. Nothing creepy, I promise."

The question stopped him in his tracks, and he turned an unbelieving stare back at the previous captain. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Captain Kyouraku, with all due respect, I doubt Ise wants to speak with you right now. She just made that pretty clear, don't you think?"

"Who?" The man looked confused again, and Renji just shook his head. Women can cause men to completely loose their heads. Either that, or the man was drunk. Which with him, was always a possibility.

"Look, I don't get what's going on, your acting like you lost your head or something, but don't bother her, ok? She's upset right now. She was crying when she left. Just leave her alone to cool off or something. " Renji started walking away then, dismissing the conversation.

The man stood, watching the redhead make a turn down another hall and vanish out of sight.

_Not a chance. _He thought to himself, turning back into the room to grab his coat. It struck him as a little odd the way he was acting, but he couldn't worry about that stuff right now.

And why had the redhead called him that name? He was certain he had heard it somewhere before, but couldn't quite place it.

And, god, he had called the girl Nanao-chan. What had gotten into him? He wasn't even sure where that name had come from, it popped out when she was trying to leave. The look she gave him when she heard it would haunt him, he was sure.

_Nanao-chan_…it seemed so perfect, somehow.

He wasn't sure what kind of spell that girl had cast on him, but he decided it felt right. There was something irresistible in the way she looked at him. She had stopped him in his tracks last night when he caught her staring at him across the street through the rain. He had felt her eyes on him, and it made him completely forget where he was even going.

Raising his arm, he brought her forgotten book up to open the cover.

He grinned at the Library stamp on the inside cover. He knew the place well. One way or another, he was going to cross paths with her again, he would make sure of it.

OOOOO

Thank you, as always, to all the wonderful reviewers. ^_^


	10. Quiet Musings

**Touch the Horizon**

**Chapter Nine: Quite Musings**

**By: Light of the Firefly**

**OOOOO**

Nanao ran. Block by city block, it was all a blur.

She shoved through the crowds, all the angry faces she pushed past hardly even registering. She narrowly missed traffic as she darted across streets.

Nothing would slow her down right now. She needed to get farther away.

She felt the spiritual pressures of _him_, and her new captain's, fading into the distance. And so she pushed on, wanting to not be able to feel either one of them. She needed to put some serious space between herself and the whole situation.

Her feet pounded against the pavement, nimble and agile as she pushed herself harder. It was crowded, but her quick reflexes had her easily avoiding obstacles.

It still wasn't a good enough distraction. She still felt the inverted gravity that pulled at her, pulling her back instead of toward the earth, becoming her back to what she ran from. The force of it clenched deep in her chest, twisting and yanking painfully, and everything in her cried out to turn back. To go back to him.

She never thought, after surviving his death, that turning away from him a second time could hurt even more.

Oh, how wrong she was.

She was racing through the suburbs now, on the outskirts of Karakura Town. Funny, she couldn't even remember how she got this far already. Her mind felt like it was unable to take in any new information for the time being.

But she had to get away, she had to put as much distance between herself and _him_ as she could. Because heaven knew, she was too weak to turn away otherwise. Maybe the farther away she was from him, the easier it would be to keep her resolve to leave him alone. If she couldn't feel him anymore, maybe it would be easier.

Lies, she knew. She would always feel him, no matter where she was.

She clutched her books tightly to her chest, their solid weight reminding her that the whole thing had really happened. It was so easy to not believe it.

This neighborhood she found herself in now was barren, with empty buildings lining the street. There was construction equipment everywhere, yellow tape blocking off large areas, signs stating the future site of this and that. It was inconsequential, however. It was blissfully quiet and void of pedestrians. She wondered how far from the city she had traveled, and realized she didn't even care at this point. She couldn't feel his small amount of spiritual pressure anymore, and that was really all that mattered. It was helping, some.

She stumbled, her fake body failing her. Against her will, her legs slowed, she was unable to keep the pace up any longer.

Nanao fell against the building next to her, grasping at it with both hands to prevent her legs from giving out under her. Her damp forehead pressed to the rough surface and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"_Nanao-chan…" _

She could hear that name, his name for her, echoing through her thoughts, spoken that way for the first time in thirty years. God, his voice. It was almost identical. It was too much. A pill too big to swallow.

She heard a keening whimper escape her lips, not even realizing she had made such a noise. Why did all this happen? How could fate be so cruel to her? What could she have possibly have done to deserve this sick joke?

The gigai couldn't hold up to her recent need for escape. Her muscles burned painfully, her lungs screaming for more oxygen than she was able to gulp in.

She let herself fall to her knees, her head throbbing painfully in reminder of her recent injury. She turned and leaned heavily against the building, letting her head fall back against it. Staring up into the grey sky overhead, she felt so alone suddenly.

She turned her focus to the physical discomfort of her body at the moment, as it was doing a fine job of capturing her attention right now. She had pushed the gigai too hard with her marathon sprint she just performed. She could feel her muscles cramping now, but it was a welcome shift away from her broken heart, which burned an aching hole inside of her.

She had made the right decision, Nanao told herself. He was fine, he was alive and he would live a happy life here. It was what she wanted, for him to just be alive again. It didn't matter if she was a part of that or not. Not really. She wasn't that selfish, she just wanted him to exist somewhere. And now, he did.

She knew that walking away from him was what _should_ happen, it was the option a logical person would make. And she had led her life guided by unobscured logic and firm rules. She had always looked at the facts and made her decisions by them.

Except when it had come to Captain Kyouraku, of course. He had always been the most illogical, irresponsible, ridiculous, unorganized part of her life. Before him, she had stood alone, facing the world with squared shoulders and apart from others entirely. And it had worked for her, it was who she was. It all worked nicely, like a well oiled machine.

Then he had entered her life. And everything changed, never to be the same again.

He had split her erected walls in half, barged in, and firmly planted his pink, flowery self in her neat black and white world. He had somehow, during that process, rooted himself so deep inside of her that she hardly knew where she ended and he began anymore. She would never be rid of him, even if he were dead or a world apart. He was just too much a part of her.

Over the years, he had driven her to new heights of anger, had made her blush shades of red that she never knew she could, had pushed all her buttons just to see her reaction, had invaded her privacy on so many occasions that she just gave up locking the door to her home, frequently had her so furious she could have happily strangled him. He ignored all of her pleas for alone time, refused to listen when she demanded he give her space, couldn't keep his roaming hands to himself if all of Soul Society depended on it, and drove her absolutely bat shit crazy.

But she had loved him for it. All of it. Every insane, stupid quirk of his was just another reason she was so attached to him. He had been the perfect balance to her ways, the counterpart to her orderly life.

He was what she would have never wished for herself in a million years, but he had been exactly what she had needed.

How was she going to ignore the fact that he was alive? How could she possibly manage to do that? To go back to pretending he was gone and continue mourning a man who was alive and breathing here in the Real World? _Could_ she do it?

The spark she had seen in his new dark eyes today reminded her now of his content here. She could do it, if for no other reason but to give him a chance to live a life unburdened by a soldier's reality. She had never seen him so…_alive _before. So unobstructed by dark memories and not held down by chains of his past. He deserved this ignorance.

Nanao wasn't sure when she had started crying again, maybe she had never stopped. But she noticed suddenly how hard it was to breath around her sobs.

Her body leaned back heavily against the cold stone of the building, her knees burned a little from scraping against the sidewalk when she collapsed here. Apparently these jeans weren't as tough as they felt against her skin.

She pulled her legs up and buried her face into her hands, unable to stop the tears now that they had started. She cried hard, it wracked her whole body with the force of her breakdown.

Footsteps drew closer to where she sat. Nanao lifted her watery eyes when Renji knelt down next to her, so that he was face to face with her. She stared into his eyes silently, his lips were twisted into a frown.

She wondered briefly how she must look to her captain, but there was nothing to be done for it right now. There was a witness here to her falling apart, and she didn't have the strength to get herself together.

He looked over her tear streaked face, and his frown grew deeper.

She turned her head down to avoid his gaze, closing her eyes again, and she started crying even harder.

This was humiliating, the perfect end to the emotional rollercoaster ride she was riding today. Nanao wished she could just turn the whole weekend back and never have set foot in the Real World.

She felt the weight of thick arms gathering her to his warm body, and the ground fell away as she was lifted easily.

Nanao didn't fight it, she slumped into her captain willingly. She couldn't fight anymore right now even if she wanted to, exhaustion took hold of her.

Renji didn't ask any questions either, but he really didn't need to. He cradled her to him, and started back down the way he had come. Her face buried against his neck, her small fists clenched in his clothing. She clutched a few books between their bodies that poked him with their sharp corners, but he wasn't paying too much attention. His thoughts were strangely single minded right now. He wanted to get her back and get her calmed down.

He had followed her signature from the hospital, and found her here in the industrial park. He didn't know how she had gotten this far from town that fast, but it didn't really matter right now.

He kept walking, and her crying slowly subsided. He could feel the warm, even breaths against his skin, and tightened his hold on her slightly.

She wouldn't raise her head even when she was calm enough to speak, keeping her face hidden still. He knew she was most likely embarrassed, so he allowed her to her false privacy right now. He had a feeling she didn't fall apart like this often, and most likely never had witnesses for such events.

The silence stretched, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. He wouldn't be the first to speak, she would when she was ready.

Renji didn't know what had happened to upset her so bad, or what had been said, but he was eerily calm about it. His anger at Captain Kyouraku for being the cause of this situation simmered like white hot embers, not the raging flame his temper usually took up. He felt Zabimaru pace restlessly deep inside of him, tail whipping about in agitation.

He held himself back, though, this was no time for such things. Nanao didn't need any outbursts right now, or insults and accusations. She just needed to know he was here and would take care of her, he decided.

Urahara's shop came into view, and his pace slowed a little. She turned her head slightly to glance at the building before returning to tucking herself against him. She was so still in his arms suddenly, seemingly limp.

"Are we going back?" She asked hoarsely, her voice startled him in the silence.

"If you want to. If not, we can stay here a while." He said, stopping several paces from the shop, waiting for her answer. He set her on her feet, and she kept her eyes downcast in front of him. The sun was setting now, casting the surroundings in shadows. He patiently waited, pleased that she had calmed down a good bit finally.

There was a moment when Nanao let the quiet stretch, not needing to think over the options though. Her mind was made up, and conveniently someone else could take responsibility of removing her from the world in which her previous captain was. She didn't have to fight her body to leave him, she could just let Renji take care of that right now. It was better this way, really, because she figured she would have turned back eventually if he hadn't showed up.

"Please, get us out of here." She asked quietly, her voice sounding strange to his ears. There was a tone of desperation that didn't fit with the image of his lieutenant he had. She was a strong woman, solid and precise, a little bit cold and distant. It was the image everyone most likely had of Ise Nanao.

And Renji was having a hard time realizing this soft, fragile girl was the same person. It made his protective instincts fire up automatically, as it proved just how upset she was.

He didn't say anything more, just started toward the shop again, Nanao at his side.

She was a mess, and he was taking her home.

It was the least he could do.

**OOOOO**

Nanao settled against the couch in her living room, as Renji handed her a steaming cup of tea.

"Thank you." She managed to whisper. He turned and walked to the window. The silence in the air was heavy.

She cradled the mug in her hands, letting the warmth seep into her palms. She felt so cold since their return.

Glancing at the redhead, who stared out her window with his back turned to her and hands on his hips, she wondered what he was thinking.

They hadn't spoken since her request to come back to Soul Society. She had expected questioning, as he had a right to know what his lieutenant was acting so out of sorts over. But he somehow kept the curiosity to himself, and she was thankful for it.

They had walked into Urahara's Shop, and Renji had only a passing acknowledgment of the other man before they returned their gigais and promptly left. Nanao had thought the older previous captain didn't seem surprised by the fact that she was red-eyed and clearly upset, or by Renji's tightened facial features. In fact he had seemed a little too knowing to her perceptive gaze at the time. Nanao made a mental note to herself to ask Urahara about this later on.

Her thoughts turned then to Renji bringing her back from where she had fell after she ran away. It had been a surprising welcome, having his shoulder to cry on. She didn't usually lean on people like that, but the human contact had been what she had needed at the time. She had let the tears pour out until they stopped, and he had remained solid and unjudging against her as she did so.

She thought maybe she pegged him wrong years ago. He wasn't quite a hot tempered kid who she was forced to work with to her anymore. He had been through his fair share of hardships, of loss and hurt. She had seen it in his eyes tonight. He dealt with the situation as if he had done so in the past and knew what needed to be done. His silent acceptance and getting her out of there had been exactly what needed to be done.

Taking a hesitant sip of the hot liquid, she let out a sigh. She felt the burn as it traveled down her throat, spreading the warmth over her chill.

"I owe you some explanations." She stated, and he glanced over his shoulder at her. She didn't meet his eye, though. She was still embarrassed about the whole night.

"When your ready, Ise." He said, sounding tired to her ears.

She felt a pang of guilt for the search he had done for her when she was missing, and the chase she had given him. She was acting awful, she knew, and wondered how much rest he had this weekend.

Renji, for his part, didn't want to push her. She was back to her more normal behaviors now, and he was glad for it. Her tears had bothered him a great deal more than he could understand. When she had first looked up at him on the sidewalk, it about broke his heart. He had seen sadness on people before, but her's was so deep rooted he wondered if she had always been carrying it with her, not letting the world see it often.

He really should have attempted to get to know her better a long time ago, he thought bitterly. As far as he knew, she didn't socialize at all, preferring to keep to herself. He wondered if she even had anyone at the compound she called a friend. She needed someone to be there for her, everyone did. It was what made life a little easier, knowing you have people to care for, and who care for you in return. He decided then that he wouldn't leave her to her own devises anymore, it just wasn't right to let someone remain so alone.

Nanao watched his stiff posture, figuring now was as good of a time as any to tell him what was going on. She ran her tongue over her dry lips, and leaned back into the cushions.

She was talking before she realized the words had left her mouth.

**OOOOO**

Sunrise, Monday morning.

It was cold this early as he walked the familiar path to work, and he strongly felt the absence of a heavy coat. Or something of similar weight across his shoulders to bar off the biting winds.

He frequently found himself reaching for the lapels to said missing item many times through out his life, only to realize that he had no such thing on. It was crazy, but it was a habit he couldn't quite rid himself of, this ghost of a coat.

The oddity was, however, that he always wished like hell he had it. It was like missing an article of clothing that never existed. Was that even possible?

He had bought jackets over the years of all sizes and lengths to try to ward off the strange feeling, but they never quite fit the way he expected. There was a particular quality to the missing thing that he couldn't quite place, a certain feel he couldn't recreate with any that he bought. Like an old beat up pair of shoes that were so comfortable you couldn't imagine replacing them. The only problem was, he has never even owned this thing that he was feeling the loss of.

He shivered slightly, sticking his free hand into the pocket of his slacks, the other tucking around the book he carried. He was halfway to his destination already, he could ignore the chilly air for a little while longer. He was certainly used to it.

It turned out that he frequently left his home without a jacket of any sort, as they all felt wrong and ended up being more uncomfortable than serving any good purpose to him. What he wanted couldn't be matched by anything he tries on, so he leaves them all behind and braves the cold without.

Stupid ghost coat.

He had a nickname for these oddities that plagued his life. He referred to them as his phantom pains.

His older sister had used the term once and it somehow fit perfectly with his strange compulsions. His sister was a nurse, and had joked that he suffered from phantom pains when he tried to describe one of his 'missing nameless items' with her. That was several years ago. He later in life learned the meaning to the term.

Apparently when someone looses a body part, such as an arm or leg, they continue to feel sensations from the missing limb for the rest of their lives. Something to do with the brain not accepting the loss, and continues firing off messages to the missing nerves, causing pains or other feelings. Supposedly the patients who suffer from this syndrome can find no relief from the sensations. Medications and therapy don't touch it, because it was ultimately all in their heads.

When he had this conversation with his sister, she had said to him then, _"Or maybe your just nuts, baby brother."_

A smile crossed his features at the memory, as it somehow seemed to make more sense than any other explanation. He had to agree with her to a point, as several times through out his life he had questioned his sanity. Mostly when he looked over a completed painting he had done with his own hands, and was shocked at the outcome. They never turned out like he wanted, instead a whole new image always emerges. As if his imagination takes over, plucking these images from some long forgotten dream of his.

Because ultimately, the completed works always ring a bell to his memory. Some are terrifying in their violence, and some are downright breathtaking in their clarity. But he can explain his art to no one when asked, as he has no idea where he even gets the inspiration.

He supposed everyone had their strange quirks. But he certainly had more than a few of them. The paintings and missing jacket issues were literally few of many.

All his life things were out of place, and there was always the sense of stuff missing. It was silly things, and he could never explain any rhyme or reason for them.

Like that his right side should be weighted more, as if he were forgetting to carry something very important. He caught his hand travel to his right hip frequently, as if to rest against something that should sit at his belt. But of course there is no such thing, and he only realizes his actions when his hand falls through the empty air.

And god, the hat situation was as bad as the coats, so he wore nothing on his head as well. He didn't even want to get started on that frustrating ordeal.

He found himself staring into a mirror frequently, searching a face that was almost unfamiliar to him. He always expected to see a face slightly different than his own. _The early stages of split personality disorder, perhaps?_ He mused to himself, only half finding humor in the thought.

He wondered if other people felt just as strange, but has never broached the subject. He didn't want to call anymore attention to the matters than necessary.

He had always felt he was lacking some fundamental element he couldn't figure out. It was all hard to explain, and aside from that one conversation with his sister years ago, he kept it to himself. How could you really tell someone that your missing things, when you weren't even sure what they were after all?

His thoughts turned back to the girl, for the hundredth time already this morning. Another frustrating matter, for sure.

She had said some strange things, like forgiving him for whatever it was, but he mostly figured she was still recovering from her bump on the head. But it seemed important somehow. Like hearing her words made him feel a little knot inside him loosen up a bit. Somehow, her words made sense to him, and it pleased him that he earned her forgiveness. The whole thing was just weird, really. Sanity was certainly questionable.

Her violet eyes on his were burned into his memory, no matter how often he tried to shake her from his mind. Every time he closed his lids to sleep last night, he pictured her lovely face, and those sharp eyes. He barley slept a few hours, truth be told.

He knew himself well enough to know it was no simple attraction he had to her, he had enough experience in the field of women to know the difference. It was much more complicated than that.

It was a puzzle piece falling into place, a perfect fit that made sense in the whole picture. But he couldn't seem to describe what any of it was, really, even to himself. He was so confused, today more so than yesterday.

Today he had time to think about it, but yesterday he had only her in the room with him to think about. Nothing else really seemed to sink in at that time. He remembered sitting on her hospital bed, watching her features as she slept while he waited for her to come to, and felt such a strong sense of déjà vu in that moment it had taken his breath away. The whole thing was like a reenactments of another moment of his life, but it was brief and forgotten to him. The girl, the hospital, waiting for her to open her eyes. All of it. He had felt with certainty he had done that before. But the feeling had passed just as quickly.

_Nanao-chan_…

He still couldn't come up with any half decent reason behind the name he had blurted out. He wondered what her real name was.

Being around her had felt like something deep inside of him had exhaled in relief. He had felt content, finally, while sitting by her side. Like things made a little more sense with her around, things were just a bit more clear. She had sharpened his focus, and it was familiar somehow.

Hell, everything about her was familiar. Even the slightest gestures she had, all of it was familiar. He could almost have guessed perfectly what her next movement or words would be while they sat in that room together. It was all frighteningly predictable, and he let out a heavy sigh. His breath puffed in the cold air, reminding him to move a bit faster as it was damn chilly. His skin goosed up in response and he shivered. It only kept his attention for a few passing seconds before her image sprung back into his thoughts.

Her eyes…god, he was bewitched.

He shook his head at his own ridiculousness. Maybe he was a little bit crazy. Surely normal people didn't react to strangers like he had.

The building came into view now, he spared his watch a glance, pleased that he had left a little earlier today. That alone spoke volumes of how badly he wanted to meet the girl again. He always detested being awake at this hour. He valued his sleep tremendously. Getting up a earlier than usual took a force of nature, but he had done it with the intentions of making a stop before heading in to start his day.

Running an absent hand through his wind mused hair, he reached for the door knob in front of him. He felt his heartbeat pick up a notch. Would she maybe be here today, he wondered?

Of course his luck would never be so good, she had only just disappeared last night. It was still much too early for the library to even have any customers just yet. He forcefully shoved his run away thoughts back into order, and opened the door. He had an image as a perfectly normal adult to uphold here, after all.

A small, old fashioned bell chimed cheerfully over his head, as he stepped through the familiar doors of the Karakura University Library. He had graduated years ago with an art degree, and gone on to teaching here even, but his minor had been Japanese history. So a great deal of his own college years had been spent in here, roaming these isles and the endless shelves of books. He hadn't been in the library in a while, as he was usually tied up with his job in the main building, but it felt a little like home in here.

Inhaling deeply the memory-sparking scent of paper and wood polish that had always been part of the library, he smiled.

Yes, he knew this place well. And conveniently, the librarian had always been the same soft spoken man, and the two always got along beautifully. Convenient, indeed. He could canoodle some information from him.

The small, older man in question was behind the counter, straightening things up to start the day, and the large lobby area was bare, no students having arrived yet. He looked over when the bell announced an arrival.

"My good Professor, always wonderful to see you." The smile he gave the other man was genuine, having known each other for many years now.

"And you as well, how's the wife?"

"Oh, she's got a bout of the cold right now, I'm afraid." He shook his head, coming to stand across from the younger man. "But otherwise, all is well. What can I do for you so early in your day?"

"I have a mystery I could use some help with." He grinned, raising the book to the older man's waiting hand.

The man pulled the glasses down from where they rested on his head and peered down at the title.

"Ah, yes, this was only checked out the other day. Did you find it somewhere? Perhaps the young lady lost it."

He grinned wider, so the old man remembered her, then.

"Yes, well, I seemed to have accidentally ended up with it. Could you tell me anything about the girl? I didn't even catch her name."

"A crush, professor?" He chuckled, setting the book down. "She's too smart for your courting antics."

"My courting antics? They've never failed me before!" He laughed.

"No, I suppose they wouldn't." Pushing his glassed back to rest on top his head, he smiled fondly at the younger man. "But this one is a bit too intelligent for such methods to work. She'll see right through them."

"You know her well then?" His voice sounded hopeful, but he couldn't help it.

"No, not at all, actually. First time I saw her was the day she checked out those books. She spent hours here reading, though. You should have seen the line up she had, it was pretty high IQ kind of material."

"Hm. Did you catch her name, then?"

"If I didn't know you better, I would say this is a bit out of regulation to disclose this stuff." His voice laced with humor, as he picked the book back up.

"I just…" He was at a loss for any good explanation for the librarian, so he simply shut his mouth and gave his best look of defeat, his shoulders slumping slightly.

"Yes, I can see that." The old man agreed, winking. He ran the bar code off the book over the computer, her name popping up on the screen.

"Ah, yes. Ise Nanao, the poor girl didn't know her address just yet. New to the area, I believe."

A new sense of shock ran down him. Of course he knew the last name, the redhead had been calling her by it.

But how in the hell had he pulled her first name out of thin air?

"Thank you." He managed, blinking away his stunned sense of surprise. "If I left you a message, would you see that she gets it when she brings the other books back?"

The old man chuckled, seemingly delighted to play a part in this.

"Of course. Do you need to even ask?"

**OOOOO**

By the time he left the library, he was in no better shape. His surprise at learning her name left him feeling a little spooked, in all honesty.

Ise Nanao.

Yes, he somehow had the feeling he knew her name from the moment he saw her across the street.

Worse yet, the phantom pains were in high gear, but it was no hat or coat, or any material item his body itched to acknowledge.

The sensation of loss was at his side this time. Where a small framed woman should be walking, fluid and graceful, matching his stride. He could almost feel her there, as if her very essence was easy to pick up in the air. He knew without knowing that she was the most important of the things he had been missing all his life.

But, in reality, he was alone walking himself to his office. He had to remind himself to get his head on straight before entering the classroom.

Smiling all the same, he had found a name to his missing limb, at least.

Ise Nanao.

His Nanao-chan.

**OOOOO**

**Yeah, first half of this I know Nanao seemed like the damsel in distress, but I let the stories write themselves and that's where it landed :D**

**Also, she's dealt with a lot here, eh? She deserved a breakdown.**

**And a smoking hot young man to take care of her, couldn't we all be so lucky?**

**And so, my extreme gratitude to the reviewers of the previous chapter for lighting a fire under my ass. In all honesty, I was surprised by the response I've received for this story. I'm very happy those of you who commented are tangled up in it, and I'll try hard to please.**

**Last note, forgive any spelling/grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, neither is Japanese, and I swear the spellchecker on my Microsoft office is sabotaging me severely. So, there are several goofs in all my stories, but they mostly can't be helped. ^_^**

**Hopefully, you can still catch the jist of what I'm trying to write when the errors are there.**

**Thanks again!**


	11. Recovery

**Touch the Horizon**

**Chapter Ten: Recovery**

**By: Light of the Firefly**

**OOOOO**

Renji glared at the form in his hands, rereading the first sentence for the third time.

It still didn't register.

Not one word had sank into his brain. Damnit.

And the paper was getting crinkled from his prolonged grip on it.

Giving up, he set it to the corner of his desk with a little more force than absolutely necessary. He had been in the office alone, in perfect peaceful quiet, for well over an hour and had accomplished nothing. Nil.

He couldn't focus to save his life.

Moodily, he pushed up from his seat, working off his restless energy by pacing around the office a bit.

Nanao had left for a lieutenants meeting, and he had been unable to get himself in any kind of shape for paperwork since. With her in the room, sitting quietly at her own desk, he had been able to work.

At least he forced himself to, because he knew she paid attention to such things. He maintained the normalcy for her. He didn't want her thinking he was off kilter, and she would think so if he stared off into space all day like he had been for the past hour. She obviously had enough on her mind as it was.

The past few weeks have been…different. Difficult. Frustrating.

On the Sunday night that they had returned from the Real World, in her home, Nanao had told him her tale. It had caused a strange twist in his gut to hear it, in all honesty. That she had come face to face with the reincarnation of her previous captain. He winced a little at the thought. Renji was sure she was hurt and confused over this mess, but what could be done? He couldn't imagine being in a similar situation with Rukia, and her not knowing him. Forgetting their lifetime together.

It would be devastating to him, he was sure. He didn't know how he would react, but he figures Nanao certainly had a right to her tears that night. It all made sense in hindsight, now, the way she had acted when he had found her.

Looking back on the whole picture, it was plain to see. He had felt a bit foolish, too, for not catching on to the truth of the matter long before she told him. That was obviously not _the_ Captain Kyouraku he met at the hospital. It was a whole new person, familiar and not at all at the same time. He was a different person, and a stranger to his lieutenant now. Maybe even to himself, but Renji wasn't sure how the memory lapse stuff worked when you were reborn. He remembered nothing of his previous life in the Real World, after all. It was rare for someone to have memories, but not unheard of.

The man at the hospital didn't seem like he remembered anything of Soul Society, when Renji looked back on his reactions. Sure, he had been hovering over Nanao, but maybe that's just because she was a pretty girl. The whole 'white knight' thing kicking in. Who knows.

He pulled the tie from his pony tail, and ran his hands through the long strands. He was developing a headache suddenly, and thought maybe it would relieve some tension.

He was pacing again without realizing it.

Renji thought over the night he had spent with his lieutenant after they returned, replaying it in his mind. They had stayed up late into the night talking the whole thing over. It was the most the two of them had ever sat down and spoken in the thirty years of working together, he mused darkly. Strange how morose things like that could cause a sudden kinship to begin. But he could plainly tell she needed to get it off her chest, to tell somebody.

He was glad it had been him, honestly. She was uncomfortable sharing her feelings, that much was plain to see in the uneasy way she held herself throughout their talk. Nanao had been tense, and avoided his eye contact, but she had still told him. Which, he had assumed, meant she was beginning to feel a little comfortable with him. Or at the very least, trust him a bit.

After their talk she eventually succumbed to an exhausted sleep, and Renji had left her home for a long, troubled walk to his own.

That was two weeks ago now. He figured she would have tried to put it behind her, move forward, try to forget about the whole situation. Two weeks…and she still hadn't snapped out of it.

He stopped his pacing at the window, and glared unfairly at the sunny day outside. It certainly didn't match his mood well at all. It was almost mocking.

What bothered him the most, what absolutely had him ready to explode, is how she had been behaving since. It was as if she decided to deal with it by pretending nothing at all was different, that there was no change in routine.

Come Monday morning his lieutenant was waiting in the office like usual. His tea was ready, as were the reports to sign on his desk when he arrived. Neat and orderly. Like usual.

And Nanao was…well, right back to where he had started with her.

Cold, aloof, and like a stranger all over again. Her voice held no warmth when she spoke and she didn't act even remotely friendly with him. She was a shell of what he knew she could be, staring at him with troubled, unfocused eyes.

It infuriated him. Hadn't they just shared a strange, emotional night together the night before? Hadn't she poured her heart out to him? Trusted him with her sad, dark thoughts? His shirt had been soaked with her tears, for god's sake. Didn't that form some sort of bond in her book?

Every attempt he had made for the past two weeks to get her to accompany him for a meal or to do anything, really, had been politely refused. Every attempt to strike up a conversation had been ended before it began. He tried to walk home with her, to accompany her to the trainings, to catch her in the library.

But every time he showed up, an excuse would roll off her tongue, and she would leave.

He was so angry with her, but more confused than anything.

He had assumed, he supposed, that after seeing her in her weakened state that night, she would have been more comfortable around him. Quite the opposite, apparently.

She had clammed up, seemingly closing herself off from him all over again.

He was so frustrated with the whole thing. What was wrong with her? What was going through her head? Was this a protective mechanism? Was she worried about getting too close to someone? Did she want to push him away? To refuse a friendship?

He didn't know. He had no answers to the puzzling way she was treating him at all.

Honestly, he didn't know her that well, only having seen a small slice of who she was. He had hoped and assumed things would be different from that night on, having had her speak so freely to him about her hurt over her lost captain, having her cry against him while he carried her back.

Didn't that make him a friend in her eyes? Shouldn't it?

She had leaned on him, and he had happily been a rock for her, but now it was day one all over.

He was ready to blow up, really. Nanao had reverted back to the damn listless, workaholic lieutenant he had known for the past several years. He thought it would be different, but if anything it was worse now. He could see the dull sorrow in her eyes, the dark circles underneath. He hadn't seen her eat much, and doubted she was sleeping well from the pale set of her skin. Her voice carried with the emotionless monotone he had grown to despise over the last week.

He had the strong urge to stomp up to her, grab her by the shoulders and violently shake her out of it. Which was the most disturbing part of this. That her regression affected him so much. It shouldn't really, he should let her deal with this however she could.

But this was unacceptable.

He wouldn't stand by while she was in a walking state of coma. He had watched Momo go through this phase, and it was even worse seeing Nanao so lost. It made him sick, he couldn't stand it. She looked more troubled than he had ever guessed she could and he couldn't let it go on.

The memory of her hot, wet tears against his skin was enough to make him damn sure he would pull her out of this slump somehow.

Staring blankly out the window, he caught movement on the street below, and realized it was Nanao returning from her meeting. The blackness of her robes stood out starkly in the bright sun.

He glared at her form as she made her way to their division building. Her gait was sure, but she kept her head down, avoiding the people walking by her. Her shoulders were slumped as if weighted by some unseen heaviness.

Renji gritted his teeth. She disappeared below, having entered the building.

He turned and began to sweep his hair back once again. Returning to his desk, he sat down heavily, and waited for her to come in.

No, he would not let this go on. He just had to figure out what would work. What would snap her out of this? Nothing he has tried so far has even gotten her to talk to him. He knew she was upset, but there had to be some way to pull her above water again.

He would be gone all weekend, so hopefully that would give him time enough to think on the matter. He would come up with something.

Because somehow, come hell or high water, he was going to see the woman underneath once again.

**OOOOO**

Nanao sat on her porch, staring off into the woods behind her home. It was a pretty scene, having the last home in the row, she was lucky enough to get the last building in the barracks.

She had been here for a while, having sat down here after she left work for the day and not moved since. She was trying to find the beauty, as someone told her once, to help make life a little easier when it got tough. To take in the simple way of things in nature, to relax.

It was a wasted effort.

She wondered what was wrong with her, and if she would stay like this always. Her mind raced with empty thoughts, her focus was out of sorts. She felt so alone it hurt, but couldn't stand anyone's company right now.

She sighed, and looked up into the dimming sky.

It was a nice afternoon, the breeze was a bit chilly, but the sun felt good.

She was bored, probably. That had to be it.

She had spent the past few weeks doing every possible thing she could think of to keep her thoughts occupied. Cleaned her whole home, worked with the trainees, cleaned the whole office, reorganized the file cabinets, read and reread several books, cleaned some more, and now here she was. Facing two days off, with no extras she could do to occupy her time.

God, this was going to be awful.

She had considered going to a few of the other squads and offering to help them with some paperwork. It would be appreciated, she knew, but it wasn't an idea she liked. She didn't want to be around anyone, she wanted something to do that she didn't have to interact with others. She needed the space, but at the same time she felt so restless she thought she might explode.

She needed to do _something_.

She felt Renji approaching suddenly and tensed slightly.

She knew he was a little hurt by the space she had wedged back between them, but she just couldn't do this unless she could pretend nothing was different. She had to do this. She needed the sense of false illusion. She couldn't allow the thoughts of the man a world away to affect her, or she would find herself wanting to go to him again.

And that was unacceptable.

She was an adult, and she had made a decision, and she would stand by it firmly. Footsteps approached.

"Ise." Renji's rough voice said by way of greeting, flopping down into the chair next to her.

"Captain." She responded, not needing to see his face to know he shot her a dirty look. She kept her eyes trained on the tree line, watching the leaves sway slightly in the wind.

"What are you doing?" He asked curiously, taking in the surroundings. He dismissed them just as quick. Nanao almost smiled. She was like him once, too.

"What can I do for you?" She asked.

"I wanted to let you know I'd be leaving tonight for the weekend." He watched her carefully for a sign that the thoughts of him going to the Real World were affecting her. Would her mind turn back to the man who was there, he wondered? She seemed carefully neutral, though, not seemingly affected at all. If her mind turned to what happened last weekend, she didn't show it.

Nanao nodded at his statement, as she had already assumed as much.

"Do you need anything before I go?"

She considered this, glancing over at him. "Actually, yes."

"Yes?" He seemed surprised.

She stood and went into her home, picking up the books she had on her table. She hated to see them go, they had been wonderful. The missing third book crossed her mind, and she felt guilty for not being able to send it back as well. She wasn't sure where it had ended up, really, that whole weekend was a big jumbled blur. She couldn't remember where it had been lost, maybe on the street in the rain, or left in the hospital room. She wasn't sure. Hopefully the elderly man in the library would not be too upset, she thought. He had been kind enough to let her take them with no forms of identification, after all.

Returning a few moments later, she handed Renji the two books.

"Could you return these for me? They're due back to the library at the university."

He stared at the books a moment, before reaching out and taking them from her. He glanced over the titles and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. These were nothing like Rukia's taste in reading.

"Ah, sure." He said, as she sat back down. "You could just keep them, it's not like you would get a bill sent to you."

His attempt at humoring her went unnoticed, as she turned a shocked look his way.

"I could never do that. They belong in that library."

He chuckled at her serious tone, he should have figured she would be a library advocate.

"Fine, fine." He stood then and tucked them into the crook of his arm. He met her eyes a moment. "Do you need anything else before I go?"

"No sir."

He nodded, offering her a half hearted wave by way of parting. "I'll see you Monday, then Ise."

She watched him walk away silently. She wasn't being fair to him, and she knew it. Maybe when he returned she could try to be a little livelier for his sake, she thought.

She sat a while and listened to the sounds of the crickets beginning to chip. A few of the birds were calling to one another in the distance.

Her thoughts drifted, landing on a snapshot she would do anything to avoid seeing in her mind's eye.

"_There is no man-made music lovelier than the music of nature, Nanao-chan." _

_Nanao rolled her eyes. He was in philosopher mode, it seemed. _

"_I don't hear anything." She mumbled, grouchily. The corners of his lips tipped up in a smile at her words. He wasn't looking at her, his gaze still fixed far away. _

_She had found him uphill a good ways, far from civilization. He was alone, leaning against a huge, old tree, admiring the beauty of the view this spot provided. Sitting in the shade, his hat was laying forgotten to his left, sake bottle half empty next to it. She felt her temper stir. _

"_Your not listening right." He chastised. _

"_Sir, this needs signed. Yesterday." She waved the paper around in his face, which was staring off into the hills dreamily. "I received a notice from the 1st__ Division, they aren't happy about not receiving this."_

_The paper was gone before she could even register that he had moved, snatched right out of her hand. She blinked, and watched as he was tucking it into his robes, and her eyes met his. He had a challenging look in the dark depths, daring her to come after it silently._

"_Sir…" She growled, fuming. _

"_Sit with me, my Nanao, and I'll teach you how to listen." He said, nodding to the spot in the grass next to him. "Unless, of course, you want the wrestle the paper back? That would certainly be just as nice."_

_She plopped down next to him, sighing in defeat. He knew how to make her abort work better than anyone. Forcefully, sometimes._

"_How long are we playing this game?" She asked, leaning her head back against the rough bark. She stared up into the canopy of massive branches bursting with green above them. _

"_As long as it takes. Quiet, now, just listen."_

_Several silent moments passed, and she frowned in frustration. _

"_I still hear nothing, Sir. Can I please have the paper back?"_

"_Again, you aren't listening." He said, turning his face down to hers. His eyes were intense, making her realize he was watching her reactions closely. _

"_There's nothing to listen to. Its quiet." She argued. _

"_Not at all." He smiled fondly, "Your too observant, is your problem. You forget the simple things, the little pieces of life that make it all easier to bear. Close your eyes."_

_She glared at him, trying to see if he was going to try anything funny if she did. He had a completely innocent look plastered on, waiting for her to comply._

_Knowing he was relentless in his quests to force relaxation upon her, she closed her eyes. _

"_Now, _listen_, Nanao-chan. Just listen." His tone had dropped to a deeper octave, one that commanded her easily. She let her tension ease, and opened her awareness to their surroundings with her eyes closed._

_She heard the leaves rustle softly in the breeze, the birds chirping musically, the long grasses swaying, the crickets calling. She could feel the ground, cool and soft, beneath her, could hear the steady breathing of the man at her side. She took a deep breath of her own, the scents of the wild filling her._

_She felt content, with the simplicity of their surroundings. There was no noisy talk, or demands of the job, there was no violence or let-downs. Nothing to concentrate on, or problems to figure out. Because, it all made perfect sense. _

"_Do you understand, now?" He asked quietly, and she could hear the smile in his voice. "We live a long life here. Too long, sometimes. You'll face obstacles you couldn't imagine. You will loose parts of your heart and soul that you don't think you could ever live without. You will have trials on your morals, the very fiber of yourself. Don't forget to enjoy the beauty in the world. Because, my Nanao-chan, there will be times, when it's the only beauty to see. And I hope that you can learn to."_

Nanao shivered at the memory. At the time, she hadn't truly understood what he was saying.

But now? It finally made sense to her.

Sighing again, she rose to her feet. She took one last long look into the darkening woods and smiled sadly.

Maybe one day, she would know how to listen again.

But not yet.

**OOOOO**

Rukia chattered on about some new movie they were headed off to watch, as the three friends made their way down the street.

"Sounds dumb." Ichigo offered gruffly. She elbowed him in the ribs sharply. Renji snickered at the pained sound he made. That was his thoughts on the movie as well, but he knew better than to speak up. It was her turn to pick, and they always watched some horrible thing made for ten year old girls.

"It's not dumb!" She shrieked hotly.

"I said it _sounds _like it is! Geez." He rubbed the sore spot absently, his brows furrowed.

They flew into a heated argument then over their opposing tastes in movies.

Renji kept quiet, having been lost in thought since he arrived here yesterday. Both Rukia and Ichigo had commented on it, but he had nothing good to offer by way of explanation.

"Oh, wait, we gotta stop here." The redhead said to them, nodding toward the library.

"We have to hurry, we need good seats!" Rukia reminded him, which started off a whole new line of sarcasm from Ichigo.

The bickering grew louder as they came to the door. They followed him in, the bell chiming above their heads.

Both seemed to quiet as soon as they entered, as they followed the universal law of a library.

Renji walked to the old man at the computer and offered him the two books.

"I need to return these. They might be a little late."

"Sure thing, young man." His wrinkled hand retrieved them from him, not noticing the way Renji's eyebrow twitched at the name.

He scanned them through and tapped a few keys on the keyboard, and Renji glanced at his two friends who were talking quietly down the counter with each other.

It was still strange to see Ichigo as such an adult compared to them. He could easily pass for Rukia's father, not her lover. He wondered at what their future held for the two, as time was running out. It passed so differently for shinigami than it did for humans. In a blink of the eye, Ichigo would be gone.

And he wondered if Rukia would have to go through what Nanao had recently.

He winced slightly, hoping that day was far off still.

"The young lady who took these out, did she accompany you?" The old man's voice brought him back to the present, and he turned his gaze back to him.

"No." He said, wondering at his point.

"Oh. Will she be back in soon?"

"No. What's this about?"

"Well, I have a message I was asked to pass on to her." He fished through a drawer and pulled out a slip of paper. "Are you a friend of hers?"

Renji nodded. "Yeah we work together."

"Oh good. Could you get it to her, perhaps?"

"Sure." Renji was curious now, as he took the paper. He red over the sloppy writing.

_Wrenko Tariku_, it said. With a number scrawled below it.

"What the hell is this?" He snapped at the old man. "Is this what I think it is?"

"I'm only passing it along. Professor Wrenko is an employee of the University here, he wished to speak with the young lady." The man seemed a bit startled by Renji's outburst, so the redhead took a few deep calming breaths.

"Why?" He asked when he knew his voice was a little more gentle.

"I believe he had met her at some point and had a bit of an interest." Was the wry reply.

"Are you telling me that this man is _interested_ in her?" He asked incredulously.

"I believe so, yes."

"Your kidding me right?" Renji asked, glaring. Not that Nanao couldn't attract attention, she certainly had the timeless elegance to do so. He was just shocked at that fact waved in his face. "Do you always encourage the staff here to harass your female customers?"

"It's not…" The old man let out a sigh. "He's a good man, Professor Wrenko is, I've known him a long time. Do not get such a bad impression. He only wanted to speak with the girl, that's all. Surly she could decide for herself if it would be worth her time."

Renji wanted nothing more than to laugh his head off. He could imagine how Nanao would react to some strange man hitting on her. The poor bastard wouldn't even have eyebrows left when she was done scorching his face with her angry kido.

"Listen pal, do yourself, and this idiot, a favor." He fisted his hand, the slip of paper crunched up in his grip. He dropped the wadded up ball on the counter top in front of the other man. "Tell him not to waste his time. Trust me."

Renji grinned as the old man's displeased eyes flickered over the tattoos on his face and neck. He knew the old man was biting his tongue to keep from saying what he really wanted to.

"I'll warn him of it." Was his forced polite reply.

"Good. Have a nice day then." He turned on his heel and marched his way past his friends and to the door.

"What the hell was that?" Rukia asked, at his side suddenly as they went out the door, her eyes gleaming like all woman's do when there is gossip involved. Ichigo followed behind, rolling his eyes.

"Some fool trying to pick up on Ise." Renji laughed. "Probably saw her sitting in the library or something. What an idiot."

"Yeah I don't think she'd be very receptive of that." Rukia agreed. "Maybe she would like some smarty pants professor, though. It would be her type, I imagine."

Renji was glaring at her without really realizing it. Her lips curved in a challenging smirk.

"Just shut up." He snapped, trying his best to ignore her antics to rile him up.

"What? Are you jealous?"

"Jealous! Ha!" Renji felt his irritation rise. Why would he be jealous?

"Guys, we're gonna be late." Ichigo commented, after glancing at his watch.

"What!" Rukia shrieked, grabbing both men by their wrists and dragging them hurriedly down the sidewalk. "Let's go! Come on!"

Renji, although peeved, was happy at least that her attention was elsewhere now. He didn't want to be questioned about his feelings regarding his lieutenant.

Because honestly, he didn't know the answers.

**OOOOO**

Monday morning was off to a strange start, Nanao mussed as she made her way to the 13th Division's offices. She could hear the shouting already.

"If I could shut you up for just two minutes, I'd die a happy man!"

Nanao winced at the loud shriek coming from the office in front of her.

"If I could shut YOU up for even a second, I'd die happy too!" Was Kiyone's angry reply.

"Moron!"

"Ape!"

Nanao sighed heavily, and reached for the door. She wasn't sure why Captain Ukitake had sent for her, but she found the prospect of listening to those two for any length of time to be comparable to torture.

Sliding it open, revealed the two 3rd seats both red faced and toe to toe. Captain Ukitake sat behind them at his desk, humming a little tune and easily ignoring the two screaming officers.

"Loud mouth!"

"No you!"

"No, YOU!"

"Excuse me?" Nanao asked loudly, to get everyone's attention.

The third seats both abandoned their arguing and beamed at her.

"Ah, Ise-san!" Jushiro's warm welcome made her smile a little against her will. "Come in, come in!"

She stepped into the spacious office and came to sit in a chair across from the white haired captain.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked, his dark eyes scanning her face. She wondered if he could see the wariness and uncertainty in her right now. She seemed to think he could, as his own features tightened slightly. She had a long, troubling weekend alone to think. With very little sleep, and not enough distractions. Although, returning to work today had helped some, she couldn't completely erase the shadows her eyes held. And this man would see them regardless, she was sure.

"Ah, no I'm-" She was cut off, though, unable to refuse.

"-Kiyone?" He asked, turning to the young girl behind Nanao.

"Do you want tea?" was Kiyone's quick, happy offer. "I make excellent tea!"

Naturally followed by Sentaro angry frown.

"I make it better! You can get the cookies!"

"No way!" She stomped her foot, and Jushiro simply steadied the vase on the corner of his desk with his hand, the stomp having caused it to tip. "I make the best!"

"You don't do ANYTHING best!"

They brushed out the door together, glaring daggers at one another. Nanao heard the bickering all the way down the hall until finally it vanished.

"It's always good to see you." He smiled gently at her and Nanao resisted the urge to fidget.

"You too, sir." She managed around the lump in her throat. "How are you feeling today?"

It was a lame topic, but effective in keeping the subject simple.

"Well today, actually." He said, still intensely watching her. "I have a favor to ask, actually."

"Of course, what do you need?"

"There's been some progress with some experimental treatments that the 4th Division has been working on." He began, and she nodded for him to continue. "Captain Unohana would like to try it out on me, you see. It would keep me away from the offices for at least three days, I'm told. Then off and on throughout the next few months. I'd have to stay in their ward so that they could keep a watch on the reactions I would have, I assume."

"Do you think it will be helpful? Have their studies been positive?" She asked, her mind already switching to the facts of the situation. "Are there bad side effects?"

"Don't worry so much, I'll be in very capable hands." Jushiro smiled patiently at her. "It all sounds like it will be beneficial in the long run, so I'm inclined to give it a shot."

Nanao's features were softening, her worry apparent. He let out a sigh.

"As I said, nothing to concern yourself with, Ise-san. The favor I need would be for you to keep an eye on the Division here in my absence. You wouldn't have to do much, just mostly sign papers for me. The third seats can handle everything else, they do mostly all the grunt work of the division. There are just some forms they can't turn in. And should they need anything of importance, I'd like someone experienced in my place to handle it."

"That's not a problem at all." She agreed, glad to be given a little extra work to look after. "I'll let my captain know when I return, but I see no problem with it."

"I'm glad, thank you so much."

A strange silence fell over the office between them then, both contemplating if they should speak freely or not.

Jushiro, for his part, knew she was deeply bothered by something, but couldn't seem to find the voice to start. She was such a private person, he hated to put her on the spot.

And Nanao struggled with her own dilemma. Should she tell him what's happened? Should she add to his burden in such a way? Or leave well enough alone?

Looking into his gentle eyes, she hated to say anything that would upset him. This man was so genuine, and always kind to others. He was the type of person that tended to make people feel a sense of protectiveness for him. Did she want to hurt him with her news? Did she want him to feel like she has been feeling since her return from the Real World?

"When will you need me, then?" Nanao asked, lowering her eyes away from his. She should tell him, he had a right to know, didn't he? But not right now, with this new treatment he was getting ready to undertake looming. Perhaps when he returned, she would talk to him. He would most likely offer the perfect advise to her anyways.

"Tomorrow morning, actually." He answered, frowning slightly at the picture she made sitting across his desk. She looked small sitting there in her dark robes, the sadness clung to her heavily today. She seemed so torn, as if there were words on the tip of her tongue she couldn't choke out.

He made a mental note to ask her about her troubles when he returned, now certainly wasn't the time. He could hear the bickering of his third seats approaching again. He knew she would only open up when it was just the two of them. It would have to wait.

**OOOOO**

"Nanao-san!" Rukia said, smiling brightly at the older woman leaving her captain's office. Nanao turned to see her walking towards her in the hallway.

"How are you?" She said politely, forcing a smile on her face.

"Fine, fine. You'll be hanging around here for a few days, I heard?" Rukia had just been running some errands for the division, and another squad member had told her of Nanao's fill-in job starting tomorrow.

"Seems that way." She agreed.

"I wouldn't be around much, they keep me posted in Karakura Town a good bit anymore. If you have questions, though, Kiyone and Sentaro would be able to help. They are more proficient than they act."

"Thank you."

"How's you head feeling, by the way? I haven't seen you since the accident."

Nanao's eyes widened at the question. Is that what Renji had told this girl? She had bumped her head? It was the truth, of course. But did he really leave the rest out? The two were very close, after all. She was shocked he hadn't informed her of any of it. She would have to thank him for being private on her behalf. She really hasn't given him enough credit for that ordeal.

"Ah, fine now. There was no pain after I got out of the gigai."

"I'm glad." Rukia seemed pleased with the answer, and Nanao made her way to the exit at the end of the hall. "Oh, by the way. You have apparently acquired an admirer!"

Nanao's footsteps froze at the words, looking back over her shoulder at the smug looking girl behind her.

"An admirer?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow. Just what she needed, on top of everything else.

"Yeah, some professor at the University." She said with a laugh. "He left you his number with the librarian. When we stopped to return your books, the old guy gave Renji the message. Spoke highly of your admirer, even. Renji was furious. It was pretty comical, really."

Nanao stared at the girl for a few heartbeats silently. She hadn't met anyone when she had been there. Who would…the lost third book floated through her mind. She wondered if it had landed in the hands of the man she had been desperately trying to forget about. Someone had asked after her, and left their phone number. A professor at the university? Could this guy be…?

"Don't look so stunned." Rukia was amused by the situation, at any rate. "Anyhow, Renji told the librarian to tell the guy to forget it anyways. I'll see you around Nanao-san!"

With a wave Rukia disappeared out of sight, leaving Nanao to feel like she was suddenly lost in the long hallway alone. It was so quiet, and she thought if there was anyone else around they would hear the blood roaring in her ears. It was certainly loud enough.

She turned, and walked numbly to the door.

Obviously, he had the third book and returned it. And then…he was asking about her, trying to find her. Wanted to speak with her again.

What the hell was she supposed to do with that information?

**OOOOO**

Poor Renji, I have a feeling I'm giving him a bad rap here. lol He's just trying to look out for her, after all! ^_^

My thanks, as always, to the reviewers of the last chapter. Sorry this took a while to get out, life has been a little crazy lately.

The next chapter is mostly done, just needs a few quirks and it'll be out soon!


	12. Moving Along

**Touch the Horizon**

**Chapter Eleven: Moving Along**

**By: Light of the Firefly**

**OOOOO**

Returning to her office, Nanao spared a quick glance at her captain's desk. Renji didn't even raise his eyes when she walked in, staring a little too intensely at the paperwork in his hands, she thought.

Was he frowning? Or scowling, maybe.

"Everything alright?" She asked, sitting at her own desk.

He mumbled something back that she didn't catch, still not looking at her.

Nanao waited a moment for him to clarify, but he never did. She shrugged a little, getting her own stacks of papers organized. His moods were usually temporary, anyhow.

She set to work, flipping through the papers quickly.

The silence stretched on, and she wondered what was on her captain's mind. He was usually attempting conversation by this point, maybe something happened to put him in such a mood. He seemed pretty focused on the paper in his hand, but his eyes were burning holes in it, not reading. And the tension in the air was snapping.

"The 13th has asked me to fill-in as needed for Captain Ukitake." She tried, feeling a pang of guilt. Really, she had wanted him to leave her alone to lick her wounds. And now it was bothering her that he wasn't crowding her.

She wondered if she had just grown so used to a man driving her up a wall that the absence didn't feel right to her. Regardless, Renji still said nothing.

"It will only be a few hours a week. Any objections?" Nanao hedged.

Still no response from the redhead, though, other than a sharp shake of his head that he had heard her.

Leaning back in her chair, she took a moment to looked him over, noticing the tense set in his shoulders, his hands squeezing tightly on his paper. It was a bit wrinkled from the abuse.

"Sir?" She began. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"

He exploded from his chair, both palms slamming into the thick wood of his desk. The loud bang made her jump, and she met his angry eyes with her own startled ones.

"Oh, so we're talking now, Ise?" He snarled at her. "You ignore everything I say for two weeks, TWO WEEKS, and now you want to talk? Your concerned about me? Really?"

"I…" She swallowed thickly, realizing how offended he was. Crap, she thought, what a mess. "I didn't mean-"

"-It doesn't matter anymore! I've tried, Ise, I've tried. You don't want me to be anything but a captain? Is that it? You have certainly made that clear since we returned, haven't you? You have acted like a damn zombie walking around here for weeks and I can't stand it anymore! I've tried everything to get you back to yourself again, but you ignored every single attempt! What an idiot I was for giving a damn, huh?"

"I didn't mean to upset you." She said quietly, watching the hurt pass over his face. She didn't have a good explanation for him. The last two weeks have been a blur, really. Her head had been stuck in a bad place over seeing her old captain, but she was trying to get things back to normal. "I just…needed some time, to sort out my thoughts. It's been…hard."

"Lame excuse. It wouldn't have been so hard if you would let someone in to help." He was pacing now, his frustration was practically charging the air.

"I'm not a good talker, Sir. I'm not good with people-" She started but he cut her off quickly.

"-I can't help, though, when you completely shut me out! You have been beyond difficult, you can't expect me not to be pissed."

"I know." Nanao murmured. She had pushed him away, after all. It was deliberate. She had no one to blame but herself for this. Had she done the right thing, she wondered? He was obviously hurt by her actions, she could see it plain as day now.

But, wasn't this what she wanted? No attachments. No one to grieve if something should happen. She had no friends. Captain Ukitake was there by default, but he was more a mentor than friend, and his death was accepted by her years ago due to his illness.

She didn't need or want friends, not really. There was weakness in such attachments. It was a soldier's life here, she had known that all along. Since she was a child she witnessed the frequent deaths of those around her. Friendships didn't matter. It took Lesa and Captain Kyouraku's death to really blast that reality into her face. They had been everything to her, and she had lost them both so suddenly it had made her head spin.

She never wanted to feel that way again.

"Let's take care of it now, then." Renji's voice so close snapped her out of her dark thoughts, and she looked up to find him towering over her seated position. His hands on his hips, and a scowl of his usually handsome face. His eyes met hers bitterly, she noticed. "Tell me what you want. You want a strictly business relationship? Fine. If that is how you want to be, then that is how we will be. I wouldn't attempt to cross that line. I'll stop 'bothering' you so much, I'll leave you alone to your own damn depression and not say another thing about it. And you can waste away to your memories alone. Just say the word."

Silence rang after his harsh wording, and Nanao's face softened. She really had hurt his feelings. She swallowed thickly.

Nanao leaned back in her seat, feeling small with him standing like that next to her.

A part of her wanted someone. Someone to talk to. To pour her heart out to and make another being understand how broken she felt. To have someone there, a companion. Someone to weather the storms with.

She was important like that once.

She closed her eyes briefly, they had began to sting irritably.

But then…what was the point of all that? It would solve nothing, fix nothing. She would still be where she was now, confused and torn. Alone, with only memories to remember how things were once. Wishing and hoping for things long gone. She felt fate laughing at her once again.

Her eyes snapped back open, and she set her jaw tightly against the lump in her throat.

"Well? Is that what you want?" He asked, his tone held a hint of some unnamable emotion. She met his eyes then.

"Yes." She whispered, watching his features harden, "That's how it should be."

Renji felt the crater between them split open at her quiet words. He could practically hear it stretching and cracking, could feel the tremors from the shift between them. A deep canyon had just been dug between them.

He met her cold, violet stare head on and in silence.

If he was honest with himself, he would admit to feeling hurt, but not right now. His fists clenched.

Right now, he was spitting mad, and had to get the hell out of this office before he did something he would most likely regret. Enough damage has been done already.

Turning smartly on his heel, he stalked away from Nanao without another word.

She watched his retreating form with forced indifference. Nanao knew she wouldn't ever forget the look in his eyes just now. She felt it jerk painfully at her heart when he stared into her eyes after she had spoken her peace.

She felt cruel, suddenly, and winced at her own behavior.

She heard a few doors slam distantly, felt the vibrations in the floor from the force of it. His reatsiu spiking in anger.

Nanao let out a tense breath to try to calm herself.

She had irrevocably driven him away now, she was sure.

**OOOOO**

Renji stormed into the storeroom of Urahara's Shop, yanking the blank gigai off the hook angrily. He jerked it roughly into place and stepped into it.

He had directly went and got approval for a few personal days. He had left the offices and found himself directly coming here. He wanted some time away from her. Away from her sad, depression, and the fragile sight of her. Hell, for years he had been letting off steam in the Real World, but this time took the cake.

"Ise, you jerk…" He muttered hotly.

He wasn't sure why the whole damn thing bothered him so much, but it did. Tremendously.

The nerve of her….

Why couldn't she lean on him? Couldn't she understand he could help?

The gigai conformed quickly to him, and he felt the confinement settle uneasily, he was too agitated to ignore the discomfort right now. Renji cracked his neck, and took a few deep breaths. His gaze slid to the ceiling, as he let his head tip back, searching for some clarity to calm himself.

He couldn't find it.

He was so mad and frustrated he didn't even know what to do with himself. He wanted to hit something. Or tear something apart. Looking around the surroundings of the small storeroom, however, he reigned in those thoughts. Urahara would not take kindly to him destroying the shop.

He couldn't believe how things have gone so wrong with his lieutenant in such a short amount of time. They were in a worse spot with one another than they were before all this, back when they were simply working together sharing bullshit pleasantries.

She was little more than a stranger again.

At least back then he never knew there was more to the woman. He had just assumed she was some workaholic paper pusher with no personality. He missed his ignorance to her now. He had gotten a glimpse of the woman underneath, of what she truly was, and in a matter of weeks, everything had been ruined between them.

Renji took another deep breath, and tried to clear his thoughts.

In the silence of the storeroom, he heard muffled voices through the door, and figured Urahara and his employees were lounging in the main hall. He made his way toward them, grumbling to himself the whole way.

He slide the door open, catching sight of the shop owner sitting at the low table, his back to the redhead.

"You wouldn't believe what that damn woman-" He began, halting midsentence when he saw the other occupant of the room.

It was captain Kyouraku, of all people (or his reincarnated self anyhow) sitting at the other end of the table, sake cup half raised to his lips. His dark eyes widened in mild shock also. He was just as surprised at Renji's sudden appearance it seemed.

"Ah, Abarai-kun!" Urahara called cheerfully, tipping his hat up to meet his eyes. "How are you this fine day?"

"What's he doing here?" He snapped, pointing an accusing finger at the man in question. The very man who was at the heart of all of Renji's current problems at the moment. He felt his anger boiling, and transferring from his lieutenant to the familiar sight of the previous captain of the 8th.

"Hello to you, too." The captain Kyouraku look-alike smiled back, unruffled by the redhead's outburst. He raised the cup in his hand in a friendly salute.

Renji felt his blood pressure rising.

"Tariku-kun is an aquatiance of mine. Do you know one another?" The shop owner grinned mischievously. Renji's jerked his sight to the other man and gaped at him.

"Is this a joke?" He accused grouchily, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "After the morning I've had, this isn't exactly a funny one."

"Sit with us, then! Sake cures all ailments!" Kyouraku smiled warmly, gesturing to an open spot to his right. "I don't suppose you brought your lady friend along?"

Renji glared at him, bristling with hostility. He wanted to scream at the hopeful light in the dark gaze. "No. She stayed back at the office. She's being a rather pain in the ass, as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?"

"I found her to be good company." He said lightly, pouring a cup for the redhead. "I never did catch your name that day at the hospital."

"Abarai Renji." He snapped, looking back to Urahara and quirking a brow. The man gave a simple shrug and gestured him to sit.

"Renji, huh? Good name for someone like you." Kyouraku nodded and pushed the full cup over to the redhead. He wondered why that name rang such a bell, but dismissed it. Perhaps they had met at some point, but then again he was sure he would remember such a person. With the tattoos and hair color, he imagined Renji to be hard to forget.

Renji lowered himself stiffly to the ground. He shot a wary look at the other man, before snatching the cup and taking a large pull from it. God, he did need a drink. This day was turning awful.

"Wrenko Tariku." The man offered easily, watching Renji as he drank. When Renji heard the name, he sputtered into his cup, coughing fitfully.

"Are you alright there?" Tariku asked, concerned by the sudden harsh coughing. For some reason, the noise of a coughing fit always grated his nerves. It never failed to make him feel anxious. He forcefully shook the feeling off, as the redhead's sputtering seemed to be settling down.

"It was you?" Renji demanded, around coughs. "YOU were the one that left the number for Ise at the damn library?"

"Ah, yes, I heard it never reached her. Not to mention the elderly clerk at the library, I believe you intimidated him a bit. He is an old friend of mine. I was surprised to hear how you handled that."

"I didn't mean to upset him." Renji muttered defensively, feeling like he was being reprimanded by a superior. There was such a striking resemblance between the man sitting next to him, and the previous version of the caption of the 8th that Renji had the fight the urge to be nothing but formal out of respect. "I thought it was just some guy trying for a date or something."

"Would it have made a difference then if you had known it was me trying for a date?" He asked lightly, but truly curious.

"Probably not." Renji glared. "Ise is a busy woman. She wouldn't have been receptive to such an offer, I'm sure."

"I'm sure." Tariku agreed easily, smirking. It was adding up now, the redhead obviously held a flame for the girl. "What kind of work do the two of you do, anyway?" He asked, changing the subject to lighten the boy up.

"Aw, now, let's not talk work." Urahara piped up for the first time, waving his fan. "Boring subject. Arabia-kun, you never told me what had you so angry when you came in?"

Renji had honestly forgotten the other man was still in the room until just now, startled to hear his voice again. He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off.

"Woman troubles, of course!" The Kyouraku look-alike announced, filling Renji's cup for him once again.

"What makes you think-"

"-Oh, yes. I did hear you say something about a woman when you barged in." Urahara nodded thoughtfully. "Pesky creatures, they are. The sooner you understand that there is no understanding them, the better off you'll be!"

"You could spend a lifetime trying to figure out the mind of a female." Tariku agreed, topping off his own drink.

"I'm not here to discuss woman." Renji grumbled, taking another large swig of his refilled drink. He winced slightly at the potency of the alcohol. "I'm here to get the hell away from one in particular."

"Ise?" Tariku guessed, his voice toned innocently. Renji shot him a warning glare. But it seemed to go unnoticed.

"Not your business." He swallowed another mouthful of sake, barely noticing that the other man filled his cup once again.

"Not yet my friend." He grinned, noticing the pink tint rising to the boy's cheeks. "Few more drinks of this stuff, you'll spill your life story."

"I can attest to that!" Urahara laughed, sipping his own drink cautiously. He planned to stick around to avoid the lightweight blurting out anything he shouldn't. "Strong stuff. Where did you get it anyhow?"

"Your cupboard down the hall, actually." Tariku said, turning the bottle for the shop keeper to have a better look at the label.

"That's my best stash! Do you know how much I spent on that!"

"It was worth every yen!" He toasted cheerfully.

"Why do I let you in here, again?" Urahara mumbled, taking a larger drink of his finest sake than he meant to. The man was just as infuriating now as before, it seemed.

Renji caught the movement of the black cat out of the corner of his eyes as it strolled by nonchalantly in the hallway.

"Excuse me a moment." He mumbled, stumbling to his feet less gracefully than intended. That stuff was certainly stronger than he thought.

"Of course." Urahara smiled. He turned back to his other guest, talking lightly as Renji made his way to the privacy of the adjoining hallway.

Once in the hallway, Renji crossed his arms over his chest, facing the cat who lounged leisurely in a sunspot on the floor.

"Did you need something?" The masculine voice of the cat asked innocently at the accusation in the redhead's eyes.

"Don't give me that! What the hell is this?" He waved an arm in the direction of the room they had just left.

"He came by one day a year or so back, to the shop."

"Yes, _and_?"

"You have to understand, he was once a very powerful soul. He is naturally attracted to this place because of the reatsiu." She sighed at Renji's behavior.

"And so you both have started up a damn friendship with him? Is that wise?" Renji knew he sounded like a hothead, but he just couldn't care at the moment. Everything was just out of control because of the man in the other room right now, and he wanted nothing more than to figure out what to do about it.

"Probably not." Yoruichi admitted. "Allowing him around will waken things inside him, that are supposed to remain slumbering while he is going through this incarnation. But…It's hard not to, though. He was a great man when I knew him. He comes by every so often, usually when he is troubled by something. I think a part of him recognizes myself, and the other employees here. It most likely brings him a measure of belonging being around familiar faces to his soul. "

Renji glared at the cat, who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts suddenly.

There was booming laughter coming from the main room, the other two men obviously enjoying themselves. Renji thought he could see amusment in the golden eyes staring back at him.

"Ise is a mess over this, you know. She knows he's here." He muttered, glancing out the window.

"Yes, I would imagine that to be difficult. They were together a long time in the 8th." Yoruichi agreed.

"She…I don't know what to do about it." He sighed in defeat, the sake having taken the fight out of him.

"Perhaps you shouldn't do anything, then?" She suggested. "Things will happen the way they are supposed to."

He nodded solemnly.

"From what I've observed, that man in there is struggling with his own demons. He is probably just as confused as she is. Being such an old soul, a part of him has strongly held on to his previous memories."

Renji remained silent, feeling slightly guilty at her words.

"Go back in, and enjoy yourself. You'll find him to be just as good of company as he once was." She suggested.

"Yeah, I could certainly use more to drink." He muttered irritably, turning back to the room and making his way inside.

**OOOOO**

**AN: Short chapter, and I apologize. The next happenings wouldn't fit here, so I've decided to make it into chapter 12. And, for those wondering, there will be Shun/Nanao interaction in chapter 12.**

**Sorry for the delay, as well. Life has been a little wild here lately, and that's the best excuse I have to offer. I've had a hell of a case of writers block, and usually don't take such a long time to update.**

**Soooo, Thank you tremendously to those who have reviewed the last chapter, I read each one as they come, and I'll admit to the fact that they always make my day. The last few have certainly helped me out of my writers block. So, special thanks to flowergod613, Terra, Breezybiatch, Akai-Miko, Morbidly-funny, Skolli, Kitsune Moonstar, Xanvonis, Zylstra, Nagasasu, and Oicheraltai for lighting the fire under my ass to get writing again. **

**Thanks a million, and stay tuned, more to come (and quicker, as well!) Like I said, chapter 12 is long, and a lot of happenings will be in there, too.**


	13. Forced to Act

**Touch the Horizon**

**Chapter Twelve: Forced To Act**

**By: Light of the Firefly**

* * *

One month later.

"Take a break, guys." Renji shouted to the group of new recruits he was working with. The remaining rookies all looked about to fall over where they stood, and some had already. They were banged up, their outfits dirty and torn. But at his words, a spark of hope lit up all their eyes as they bowed sloppily and thanked him.

He sheathed his zanpakto as he watched them stumble off for a cold drink and a few moments of rest. Training had been particularly brutal today, he almost felt bad for them. Almost. He would make sure they all toughened up. He would have no pansies in his squad.

He swiped a hand across his brow irritably, and glanced around the training grounds. It was midday, the sun blaring bright and hot on him. He was pouring sweat in the dark layers of his uniform.

But it beat staying in the office any day, cold jerk of a lieutenant notwithstanding.

He was a man of action, hands down. So the new arrangement between himself and Nanao was working quite well, really.

It had been over a month now since their exchange in the office that left him storming away from her.

And on his return, they had agreed, quiet readily, to a truce of sorts. In which she handled all the office duties, and kido lessons.

And Renji handled all the trainings and combat lessons.

It worked beautifully, as they were both in their elements and out of one another's hair. They rarely saw each other really, other than in passing.

Nanao kept things tidy and perfect in the office, and he beat the crap out of their squad and molded them slowly into more effective soldiers. They still have a long way to go, considering the 8th is known to be drunk or hung over at any given time of the day. So combat training has been pitiful, really. Not that they were out of shape, more like out of focus. If nothing else, their endurance has skyrocketed. He was impressed with their general idea of team work, he never saw such comradeship while serving in the 6th. Renji saw so much potential in the squad as a whole, and planned on dragging that out of them. Or beat it out, whichever it took.

And from what he has heard, Nanao has more free time to focus on the kido classes, so those classes have been just as intense. There has been obvious improvement in the squad's skill with the demon arts, even after only a month. At this rate, he couldn't wait to see how much more she would push them. Nothing could make him prouder than the improving level of competence in the division. It was every captain's goal to lead a strong, capable squad.

Although, he and Nanao were another story entirely.

Even though the squad realized there was some tension between their superior officers, they simply went along with the new routines without complaint. They were improving in both kido and combat, so it was surely hard for them to question their officer's methods. No doubt they had lots of practice ignoring their captain and lieutenant, considering the man who's shoes Renji was trying to fill.

Renji sighed heavily, and wondered if things would go on forever like this between himself and Nanao. Did Kyouraku have such a hard time with her at first, he wondered? Maybe they had bonded slowly over the 100 odd years together. He and Nanao only had 30 in, after all. Perhaps they would eventually meet on even grounds.

Sure, it worked well for the 8th this way, but it was a piss-poor way for captain and lieutenant to be with one another.

A month back, after he had calmed down over their argument (and drank himself into a stupor with Kyouraku and Urahara of course) he was able to approach her with a professional and distant mindset to rival her own.

He had woken up that very next day in the Real World, draped upside down in a too-small chair and a headache from hell, and thought to himself: Heck with it, I'll just treat her like she treats me.

He wasn't sure where such resolve had come from, but it most likely had to do with the other two men in the room. One of which had been asleep across the tabletop, the other asleep under it.

It was hard to tell which was which from the angle he was seeing from. It was then he realized his head felt swollen from hanging upside down so long.

Once he had righted himself in the chair and all the blood flow returned to normal, relieving some of his headache, he sat a moment to try to remember what he could of the night before.

It wasn't much, but he felt immensely better. Whatever they had talked about must have eased his mind on some level, because he could feel the change. His shoulders had felt lighter, and he couldn't find the anger he had harbored towards Nanao. In fact, he hadn't given as much of a damn about their argument as he had the night before either.

So, from that day on, he has done just that. Treated Nanao with the same direct, work-related monologue that she used with him.

And they have survived one another just fine since. No arguing, no hurt feelings, and nothing at all, really.

They ghosted around one another all day, and separated entirely when the shifts were over. Nothing changed, it was all the same day after day.

But, Renji mused as he heard the grumbling of the rookies approaching once more, _she_ had changed.

Nanao had snapped out of her dark, melancholy mood. He wondered if all she needed was time, after all. She has since seemed more focused, sitting straighter in her seat, lifting her chin high when she spoke. She still seemed frail to him, but it was much better. She was eating again, he noticed, her face having lost the sharp angles of the weight loss, and her eyes weren't nearly as stormy looking anymore.

She looked healthier all around, and he was thankful for it.

They were a long way from forming any type of bond at this point, but at least she was better. She had hopefully found whatever peace she could with the situation and was moving forward now.

Yoruichi was right, after all, it seemed. Perhaps him doing nothing for her was the best he could have done. He would just wait, now. Let time tell.

The troops were lined up, looking wearily at him now. They drew their zanpaktos slowly, tiredly.

He grinned and drew his own, ready for round two

They saw the look on his face and they all groaned. It was going to be worse than the last session with their captain, it seemed.

* * *

"You're the most useless jerk I've ever met!"

"You're the most useless ANYTHING I've ever met!"

Nanao felt her brow quirk in irritation, but tried to find that calm place inside of her that allowed her to ignore such things.

There was the unmistakable sound of glass breaking from the room the two 3rd seats were in, followed by a heated argument over whose fault it was.

Nanao went on ignoring the commotion. But honestly, her patience was running thin with the two of them. It was like working with temperamental, stingy, jealous toddlers.

She took a deep breath and leaned back in Ukitake's chair, glancing around the office.

The captain's office of the 13th Division was spacious, and calming with it's soothing, light scent of heated oils floating about. There was the soft murmur of the gurgling koi pond outside that really set the mood nicely, as well.

The shouts outside the door were the only disturbance to the atmosphere, and Nanao was reminding herself that when the work was done, she could promptly leave.

She massaged her temples for a moment to release the tension. She hadn't been dealing with the 3rd seats that long, and already was ready to strangle them both. They were more than proficient in their work performance, superb really. They just needed to stay the hell away from one another. They were stuck at the hip, it seemed. She never saw one without the other.

Nanao suspected that the two idiots were the best of friends, under all the cursing and constant outbursts.

She didn't know how Captain Ukitake could put up with this constant nonsense.

Then again, much the same had been said about her over the years with Captain Kyouraku-

She winced at the thought, and forcefully shoved it out of her mind.

She instantly turned her attention back to her work to loose the trail her brain had taken. Flipping the page in front of her over and moved on to the next one.

She skimmed down the paragraphs.

There was another crash outside of the door, followed by the yelling, of course.

Nanao's fist tightened on the pen in her hand.

"Two more forms, then I can leave." She muttered to herself, picking up the pace of her reading. "Two more…"

She had been the on-again, off-again stand-in captain for about two months now, and found herself happy with the turn of events.

About two days a week, she was asked to fill-in here, and timing couldn't be more perfect really. She had needed extra distractions, and now she had them. The 13th Division was a well-oiled machine, so there wasn't much to be done, mostly signatures, but she liked having the extra workload to occupy her time with.

The whole division was a place of Zen, it seemed. As if Captain Ukitake's essence had rubbed off on everything around the 13th. The members were all soft spoken and polite, friendly as their well respected captain. Even the furniture and gardens were meant to make one feel welcome and relaxed.

If only the two 3rd Seats could find another area to bicker, she might have actually been happy with the circumstances. The few hours she spent here provided a tranquil environment, and the added paperwork kept her mind occupied. It was perfect.

To add to her upswing in mood lately, Captain Ukitake seemed to be responding to the experimental treatments, as well. His color was improving, and he told her a few days ago that his coughing spells were fewer since starting the new doses. She was truly happy for him, he deserved some reprieve from his illness. She hoped it lasted, and continued to improve.

Her own captain had been keeping his distance, and she wondered if he had finally given up on her for good. As stubborn as he was, she doubted it. Most likely, he was trying to think up a new approach, and she wondered what would be next.

Then again, she had made it pretty clear in their little argument a month ago, that she didn't want him to try.

And so far, he had done exactly that. They worked in the 8th together everyday, the atmosphere tense and silent when they occupied the same room. Neither one speaking beyond work-related things.

She felt awful about the space she put between herself and him, but knew it was necessary. They were Captain and Lieutenant, and it would stay that way. She would do it right this time, as she failed so miserably to keep the line drawn with her previous captain. And look where that had landed her, after all.

No, Nanao didn't need Renji to be a friend, she needed him to be her commanding officer and keep it at that. She didn't want conversation, or to spend time together more than necessary. She wanted to come to work, do her job, and leave. She was a loner to the core, and planned to keep it that way.

Safe, professional. The way it should be.

He would give up eventually, she decided. If he hasn't already. She had a feeling that he had thrown in the towel. For the time being, anyways.

All in all, things were going well. She was slowly climbing out of the hole she'd fell in. It was deep, and dark, but she was close to the top now. She could almost feel the light on her skin.

She was content, she supposed. At peace with the way things were. Acceptance, maybe? She didn't know what to call it. She's had two months to think things over, and what she realized made her feel…at ease.

Whenever she felt troubled, she continued to tell herself that things were fine the way they were. _He_ was happy and healthy in another life, and that's all she could ever really ask. By now, he has surly forgotten all about her at any rate, and so he would live a normal human life, free of the burdens he was once chained with.

And, she had concluded, she was happy for him. He deserved no less.

She survived his death, she could certainly survive his life.

Sleep was still an issue. The nightmares still come frequently. Nanao figured she would be haunted for years to come yet.

Her appetite was returning, however, and she was glad. She had lost too much weight throughout all this. She noticed her reflection in a mirror one day in passing and almost didn't recognize herself. In her place was a pale, sickly looking woman, with sad eyes.

She's been working on changing that, trying to take better care of herself.

And so far, she has done a good enough job of it. She's gained some weight back, the extra work load keeps her mind busy, and she was starting to feel semi-normalcy setting in again.

She told herself repeatedly she could do this, tackle this issue. She wouldn't lay down and surrender, Ise Nanao had more fight in her than that. She would improve her situation to the best of her ability, and move forward.

It's what _he_ would expect of her. And she never could let him down.

No matter how far ahead she moved, he would be a part of her life, always. And that was alright. It was how it should be.

Nanao was climbing, almost to the light again.

Then, naturally…everything fell down around her.

It was as simple of a thing as a black butterfly, fluttering to her with papery wings, that spun her life out of control once again.

* * *

She raced down the streets, the roar of battle dead ahead.

Nanao cursed her luck. Things were going so well. And here she was, in the Real World again. The one place she swore to herself she would avoid like the plague.

She had vowed it to herself, she would not come here until his human life was over. She would not place herself in a line of temptation to interfere.

But…duty was duty, and she was nothing if not a capable professional. It never crossed her mind she could be called into battle in the Real World, especially so soon. She hadn't given it much thought when Kiyone had mentioned to her earlier that today was Captain Ukitake's on-call day to assist with the trainees for their field mission. Nanao hadn't really given it much thought, it was pretty much business as usual. The academy took students here frequently. There was rarely a problem that the monitors couldn't handle.

But when there was, the on-call captain was to take care of it. Which, today, was her.

Should have mentally prepared herself better for the possibilities such a mission would entail.

Cursing her luck again, Nanao put all her twisted up emotions under a tight lock and key, and raced on. She absolutely wasn't searching for Captain Kyouraku's spiritual energy, anyhow. Nope. It didn't matter if he was to the East of where she was or not. Because she wasn't even trying to find him. At all.

Her head was solely on the problem ahead. The hollows were many, swarming the sky in a mass so big, they were blotting out the sun. She was just a few blocks away now. She picked up her flash steps a notch.

She _may_ have searched him out when she arrived here, but only to reassure herself that he was a safe distance away from this mess. Obviously that would be the only reason. Because she had already resigned herself to leave him be.

The message from the hell butterfly had been quick and desperate. A large group of students had apparently departed to the Real World, monitored by two lower seated officers. And were being attacked, overwhelmed really.

Judging by the looks of the storm cloud of raging hollows overhead, Nanao knew it would be ugly when she arrived. She could hear the panicked shouts of the students, the flashing lights of several weak kido attacks. She knew it wasn't enough even before she saw the battlefield better.

She rounded a corner and came face to face with a gruesome scene. They were in a park of sorts, several pieces of twisted iron lay strewn about, what had once been a children's playground. Small fires had broken out around the area, smoke clouding up the surroundings. There were sirens in the distance.

There were a few students dead, the bodies brutally torn apart. Several were injured. The air was heavy with the smell of smoke and the iron tang of blood.

The trainees that weren't injured were either helping the injured, fighting with their weak attacks, and some were just cowering. She didn't know what year these students were, but they didn't seem ready for anything like this. At all.

It was a slaughter, not a fight.

Only one seated officer remained standing, still fighting off the masses all around the group. She dashed after him to help.

"Get into groups, and get the injured to the gates!" She shouted at the students as she ran. The dead would be left until the area was secured, the injured were top priority right now.

Nanao's whole body slide easily into the defense, both hands blazing hot and deadly, as she launched into the battle.

It blurred, her mind shutting down all thought except the fight, her body taking over. She blasted at the swarm with several high-level attacks, thinning out their numbers tremendously, but had to get more up-close with the ones on the ground.

As she fought her way through the shrieking, masked opponents, she distantly heard the students scrambling away. Hopefully making their way back to the gates.

The other officer, a young man she didn't know, joined her at her side, and they pushed on together.

"Lieutenant! I'm glad to see you!" He shouted over his shoulder, sounding winded and out of breath. Nanao looked him over quickly, before turning her attention back to the hollows. The man was limping, but holding up well. He was good with his zanpakto, it seemed. But she could tell he was tiring.

With any luck, he wouldn't need to strain too much before the threat was minimized.

The fight seemed to last for several long minutes, or hours, she wasn't quite sure.

At some points time was in slow motion, freeze framing on a difficult strategy. Every movement fluid and precise.

At other times, she was breezing through the mass, blasting them in rapid fire sessions. Instinct took over in those moments, allowing no thought process.

The other seated officer had fallen back, having received another wound at some point. He was calling in for more back-up. And she was between him an the thinning pack of hollows, now.

Another three rounds of rapid fire took out a large chunk in the numbers, but more were arriving every second to replace them. The crowd and spiritual energy was drawing the attention of the others. She glared uneasily at the re-forming swarm around her. Sweat beaded her forehead, and her attacks were weaker with every one she delivered. How long had she been fighting now? She had no sense of time span whatsoever.

She blasted another hole through the swarm, only to have it fill instantly. This wasn't looking so good. The hollows were arriving as quick as she was destroying them. Her kido was almost exhausted. Should she draw her zanpakto, then? She avoided it at all costs, it put her at a disadvantage.

But at this rate…?

"Lieutenant…" She heard the man's voice tremble slightly. He was realizing the same problem now, it seemed. He leaned heavily against her right shoulder, wheezing and holding a hand to a wound at his side.

"I know." She said, trying to reassure him. Nanao shoved a lock of hair out of her eyes and glared at the towering enemies surrounding them still. They kept appearing as quickly as she destroyed them. A good bit of the students had escaped, but there was still a handful cowering behind them.

"Your finished, remove yourself from the field. I'll cover you." She said, moving from the other officer's side slowly so he could regain his footing. She moved to stand in front of the man so he could retreat. "Initiate a barrier around yourself and those students."

"But, Lieutenant Ise-"

"-You can't fight anymore. Take cover with the others. That's a direct order." She shot back into the air, and voiced out her next spell to give it the reinforcement she was unable to give it in silence.

Another clearing in the hallows from the blast, then instant filling from more. Damn.

Nanao felt the tingle of awareness, only moments before Renji appeared in full bankai. He spared her a quick, assessing glance.

"I came as soon as I heard. Are you hurt?" He asked, breathless. She wondered how fast he had been going to reach them. His eyes scanned her quickly, before turning to the swarm around them.

"No, but they need help." Nanao nodded back down to the group below, covered in the orange glow of a barrier now.

"More are on their way." He said, and she caught the glint of excitement in his eyes. A man who enjoyed the battle a little too much.

He turned to her then and gave her a long, silent look, before springing into the fight. Launching into full attack mode, she watched as he tore across the mass, leaving serious dents in their numbers. The sounds of steel on bone were deafening.

The shock lasted only seconds, before she smirked and launched up after him. Idiot kid, rushing off, sword blazing, without a thought. He was bound to leave himself exposed at some point.

Nanao felt a second wind coming on, and she certainly couldn't have him win the day in such a rough, brutal manner. He needed the finesse to counterbalance his brute strength. And someone to cover his ass.

He looked over his shoulder at her when she appeared behind him. A brief moment passed between them when their eyes met.

He was skeptical, she knew. He was assessing if she had the energy left, if they could find a rhythm and fight alongside one another. Would she hinder or help him? They were barely even speaking right now, after all. Too much bad blood had been forged between them lately. It was her fault, and this was the price she would pay.

_I have your back, captain _was the wordless message she sent him, turning her head away and breaking contact.

He snorted, wordlessly replying _As if I need it._

She reached deep down, willing herself to push harder. She wouldn't let him go unprotected from behind, no matter how bad their relationship was right now.

The hallows surrounded them from all sides, seemingly attacking all at the same time together. They were descending on her and her captain quickly, so close now.

Nanao reached and reached, searching for the spark inside she needed in her weakened state to fight longer.

She found it, bright and strong and gripped it tight. She tore it from deep within herself, demanding it in her time of need. Her body jerked with newfound power, lighting up her hands once again bright as the sun.

She smiled proudly at herself, before belting out more high level attacks that she thought she could do after all she had used.

She heard Renji snort again behind her, and the whipping rattle of bone on bone as Zabimaru lashed out angrily. The shrieks of hollows roaring so loud her ears rang. Her insides were vibrating with the booming noises.

Back to back, they fought.

The swarm surrounding them and fell in from all angles, attacking from every corner.

But the hollows fell away, their numbers declined so fast with the combined attacks, it was exhilarating. She hadn't been in a bare knuckled fight like this in so long, she forgot how strong it could make you feel.

Nanao could have smiled in the mists of the chaos, as the soldier in her woke up after so long. She was alive with her own energy, confident in her abilities, and certain of the captain at her back.

Zabimaru nasty sharpness tearing through the numbers on one end, her red hot kido scorching the skies on the other.

It was as if their combined efforts fine-tuned themselves to one another automatically. Attacks were anticipated, weaknesses were covered.

It was smooth as silk and the group on the ground looked on in awe.

Time disappeared again as they lost themselves to the battle.

The sky was clearing away quickly now, the swarm having dissipated from their combined attacks.

The sky was brighter now, as the hollow's number fell.

More troops poured onto the scene below then, Nanao recognized several members of the 8th and 13th as they set to cleaning up the few remaining hollows quickly.

The fight was over now. They still hovered in the sky above, in case any more hollows were to show up before they were cleared out of the area.

She could hear Renji's heavy breathing behind her returning to normal. She watched as the injured group below was addressed and transported. They put out a few fires and collected the dead. She watched the troops sheathed their weapons and reassemble to head back. Several waved up at her and her captain before heading out.

Nanao felt a tremble go through her muscles as her adrenaline wore down. She leaned back slightly, exhausted. Her back landed against Renji's, and she stiffened. She hadn't realized he stood so close to her still. He made no move to step away from her, or even acknowledge the contact in anyway really. After a moment, she let out a breath she had been holding and relaxed a little. He was warm and solid at her back, and her body was thankful for the extra support. His long ponytail brushed her shoulder and tickled against her neck, but she didn't have the energy to push it off.

"Thank you." She said quietly. Another tremble moved through her tired muscles and she glanced around the skyline. There seemed to be no new arrivals in sight, and all the troops were gone now. Human fire trucks had arrived, assessing the mysterious damage done to the park. The area was secured now, it was safe to leave.

"Your welcome." He replied after a long moment, letting out a sigh. Wordlessly, they moved away from one another, and Nanao swayed slightly before catching her balance without his support.

She caught his eye then, he was watching her closely to make sure she was alright.

"You ok?"

"I'm just exhausted." She mumbled, feeling silly. Of course he already knew that, she'd been belting out kido for the better part of an hour now. But he simply nodded at her explanation and turned away from her again. They silently descended to the ground.

Once her feet touched, she felt something wet and looked at her hands in surprise. She hadn't even noticed the few small cuts across her hands, couldn't even remember receiving them, even. They were minor, and she lowered her arms back to her side, unconcerned.

"I'm heading back. I left a training group to come here." Renji said, as he started walking away from her. Nanao watched him move away and frowned.

"Sir."

"Yeah?" He asked, stopping and glancing over his shoulder at her.

"Thank you. I mean it."

"We already covered that, Ise." He snorted, and turned away again. He stepped into shunpo and was gone. Apparently not caring if she followed him or not.

Nanao sighed heavily, feeling the distance between them taking its toll. She decided when she returned to Soul Society, she would ask him if they could sit down and have a talk. Things were just a mess with them, and they needed to sort it out. It was, of course, her fault. But she was realizing now what a jerk she had been.

She sat down on a metal bench and leaned back, needing the break. Her whole body felt drained, and she flopped back on the uncomfortable bench to stretch out. Throwing an arm over her eyes to shield the sun, Nanao could have laughed out loud if she wasn't so tired. Who would believe Ise Nanao would lay on a park bench in the middle of the day to take a break? She could hardly care about propriety right now. Her limbs felt like rubber, hopefully a little break would regain some strength.

She sat for a long time, listening as the human officials cleaned up the mess the park had been turned into. Her mind raced with guilt over the students who were lost today. She had came as quickly as she could, but had she done enough? She replayed every moment of the battle. From her arrival to the end.

Somewhere along the lines of her thoughts, she drifted off to an uncomfortable slumber.

* * *

Wrenko Tariku whistled a tune to himself, ignoring the odd looks he received from the people passing on the sidewalk. He was in a good mood, and it couldn't be helped. It was a beautiful, sunny day. It was warm and he was done with work early. What's not to be happy about? Fridays were his short days at the college. He only had two early morning classes scheduled on Fridays this semester, which let him out by 2 o'clock.

He was considering what to do with the rest of his day, when something strange grabbed at his attention as he neared the 22nd street park. It was a familiar tingle across his nerve endings, causing him to falter in his step. He stopped a moment, focusing on the sensation. What was it?

It was like the air was charged. Only, the energy seemed to have a specific fingerprint to it.

Standing at the gate, Tariku scanned the surroundings, noticing the fire trucks and a few police cars lined down the street on the opposite side of the park. The park itself was empty of pedestrians, probably from whatever accident had happened.

The sensation was strong now, he felt drawn to it. Searching his mind for what it was, he came to a shocking conclusion.

It felt like thunderstorms in the spring. And he knew it was Nanao, somehow.

Not understanding how he decided that, he walked through the gates then. He took a moment to look around the demolished park and his heart picked up a notch, wondering if she had been hurt in some way.

Silently, he questioned his sanity. He had no absolute proof she was here. He was going on instinct. And his instinct told him the sensation in the atmosphere was Nanao. It just…_felt _like her, for lack of a better word.

He allowed his feet to follow the charge, it got stronger, or heavier he wasn't sure which, as he went.

He saw a dark figure on the bench over in a tree-lined corner and his breath caught. His eyes had gone fuzzy, and he blinked rapidly trying to clear his vision. It didn't help, and he rubbed at them with his hands.

Still fuzzy.

But, he knew it was Nanao laying there, and he picked up his pace to reach her. What if she had been hurt? That thought laced his mind with the edge of panic and he hurried over, his eyes slowly coming into focus. He was drawn to her like a magnet, unable to resist the pull even if he had wanted to. Which, he didn't. He had been hoping to meet with her again. Although, finding her passed out on a bench was hardly the scenario he had in mind.

He slowed down when he saw the steady rise and fall of her chest. She was breathing. An arm draped over her eyes and a knee bent up, she looked as though she were asleep. He sighed in relief.

He stood over her just watching her for quite a while, before he decided he was being weird. The girl would surely think he was a little off if she woke up to a basic stranger staring at her like he was.

He couldn't leave her here, who knows what could happen to such a delicate little thing like her. He would wake her up, he decided, and try to talk her into having lunch with him.

"A beautiful woman sleeping at midday." He said loudly in a warm, amused voice, in greeting.

Nanao could only groan in response. Why was captain Kyouraku waking her up? His reatsiu was pure comfort though, and she easily sunk back into subconscious.

"Go away, sir." She said, grouchy from being woken up, but her voice lacked conviction. She threw her other arm over her eyes as well to block out more light, and began drifting off again. Her body still felt drained and weak, but her captain was close now. It was safe to rest.

"There you go, calling me sir again." He sighed.

"Hm." She agreed, trying to block him out to fall back to sleep. His eyes landed on the arms shielding her face from him. Her sleeves had fallen back to reveal her abused skin.

"Your bleeding." His voice was alarmed then, and she felt him kneel down beside her. He took her hand in his to inspect it. She could feel the light, warm touch of his fingers against her skin. He pushed the sleeve up to see her forearms.

"It's nothing, had an issue earlier with some hollows…" She mumbled.

"Hollows?" He echoed, confused. He figured she was half dreaming. "We have to quit meeting like this. That's twice now you have been hurt when we come in contact with each other. Do you think it's a sign?"

She bit back her irritation at him. Didn't he have anything better to do than bother her?

"Yes. It means you should stay away from me…" She yawned, and pulled her arm out of his grasp.

She felt the nagging pull of her brain trying to remember something, but ignored it all together. Her drowsy mind was caught in the past again.

"That can't be right." He laughed, pulling her hand back to him. Nanao didn't fight him this time, she knew how ridiculously overprotective he was. It was damn near impossible to get away from him in mother-hen mode.

He turned her small hand, assessing the damage. The blood had dried. He wondered how long she had been laying here. Frowning, he looked her over head to toe. She looked a little disheveled in her strange robes. A couple of burn marks marring her clothing, hair falling out of her clip. But her hands and forearms seemed to be the only part of her that was wounded. Mild scratches and cuts, but still they bothered him to see them on her pale skin.

"What exactly are you wearing, anyhow?" He wondered curiously. The black uniform was something belonging in a martial arts movie. She didn't comment, and he wondered if she was even listening to him at this point. Maybe she had fallen back to sleep.

He grinned to himself, and settled in the grass in front of her, leaning his back against the seat of the bench. He looked over the destroyed park. There were a few fire trucks parked on the curb, but no active work being done. Yellow tape hand been strung around the scene.

"Do you know what happened here, Nanao-chan?" He asked quietly, unable to leave alone the idea her injuries were tied into this mess.

That name, said in a different tone than the previous captain had used, had Nanao start.

For the second time, Nanao fully awoke to the sinking feeling that something wasn't right with her captain. Her eyes snapped open, as realization hit her full force.

Oh god, she thought, moving her arms from her face.

Her fear was confirmed when she was met with the back of the man's head who sat on the ground in front of the bench. She stared at his dark locks for a moment, not knowing what to do. She felt just as much at a loss as she had when she woke up at the hospital with him next to her.

He felt her shift and looked over at her. His eyes were so impossibly dark, she felt drowned by them.

"Hello." He offered, with a warm smile.

"Hi." She breathed, wondering how it was possible to feel so many conflicting emotions at once. Relief at seeing him, fear for what it would do to her again, content to just be in his presence no matter how wrong it was, and even the guilt that she had managed to not avoid him like she told herself she would. "What…what are you doing here?"

"I was walking home. I take this route everyday. I happened to see you." He replied, leaving out the part where his heart skipped a beat thinking something had happened to her.

Nanao sat up slowly, never taking her eyes off him. She put her feet on the ground next to him and leaned back, still feeling the exhaustion from the fight earlier. She wondered how long she had been asleep.

He went back to gazing across the park grounds. Something about this girl had him feel…content. He would be happy to sit here all day with her.

Nanao relaxed a little, eyeing him since his back was turned. It was a comfortable silence, not awkward and she wondered why that was. It wasn't a man she really knew, sitting here with her, after all.

"What happened to you?" He asked quietly after the silence stretched on. He gestured to her hands, although the burn marks were curious too.

"I fell." She lied easily, looking down to meet his eyes. She saw the slight tightening of his lips, but if he caught on to the fib, he let it slide.

He traced her features slowly, taking it all in again. She was even lovelier than he remembered. Pale skin, black hair, and those sharp violet eyes. She had been on his mind constantly since he had met her the first time. He knew he was in over his head with this girl from the start.

Nanao looked at her lap to escape his intense staring. She fiddled with her sleeves, straightening out her uniform-

Uniform?

Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes widened. She wasn't in a gigai, she was in her normal spirit form.

She jerked to her feet and took a few steps back from where he sat. "You…can see me?"

"Obviously…" He said slowly, quirking a brow at her odd behavior. "Did you hit your head again?"

She stared at him, unnerved. What did it mean that he was seeing her like this? Had she disrupted his life in some way? Being a figure from his soul's memories, her reatsiu, her mere presence? Did she stir something back alive within him? He had called her Nanao-chan the first time, now he was seeing her without a faux body? Was it her fault?

She scanned him, and noticed his meager reatsiu had grown since her last trip to the Real World. In fact, it was flickering and changing even now. He would attract hollows soon, if it grew much more. And at this rate, she worried that wouldn't be long.

She needed to go.

He sat in the grass, watching her. His face was as heartbreakingly handsome as ever, his eyes impossibly warm. He was relaxed, with the sun lighting his features. He was, at his core, the man she had loved with everything she had. Her best friend and mentor. Her world hasn't been right since he left.

She found herself not really caring about all the things she promised not to do.

She found herself forgetting all the ramifications her being around him in this form could cause.

She found herself forgetting her own name when he smiled at her.

"Oh god..." She said, because nothing else seemed to fit.

* * *

**And…poor Nanao. She has a lot on her plate, eh?**


End file.
